The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
We dated for a year and have been married for almost two years. So, we’ve been together for three years.
Where did you meet?
We met at my former workplace. HR announced Greg as the new tech hire one day in November 2021. I didn’t pay much attention to him until January, when I needed to solve a tech request. I messaged him, and he told me he couldn’t do much because it was his last day.
I was shocked. When did he even join? I like gist, so I pushed him to share. We took the conversation off Slack and kept chatting after we finished doing office politics amebo. Two days later, he sweet-talked himself into a date. I don’t even know when he stole my heart. I just know we started dating in February.
See love o. But what was happening with Greg’s job situation?
He left my former workplace because of some disagreements with the work contract. My bosses tried to get him to do far more than was agreed, and he wasn’t down for it. So, he quit.
He didn’t have another job lined up, but he often got freelance software development gigs through his network of colleagues. He relied on that, pending when he’d get a full-time role. Greg was technically unemployed when we started dating.
Did this affect the new relationship?
Not at all. Money, or the lack of it, has never been the most important thing in a relationship for me. I know it’s essential, but I like to look at other factors too. Greg is kind, loving and isn’t lazy. Despite being unemployed, he also wasn’t poor — the gigs helped. He didn’t get a full-time role until we were five months into the relationship.
Another thing that helped was how open we were about our finances and how we spent money. It helped manage expectations on both sides. I wasn’t expecting him to “give me the world” when he only had ₦50k in his account.
One time in June 2022, he made ₦700k on a project and took me out to an upscale restaurant to celebrate. I remember this vividly because that’s when we started talking about marriage. To be honest, I think we both knew marriage was wishful thinking at the time. My salary was only ₦350k/month, and he didn’t have anything stable. We had nothing to plan a wedding and home with; we just knew we wanted to be together.
The universe must’ve been listening because less than a month later, Greg landed a $4k/month contract job with a foreign company.
Whoops!
The new income gave us the confidence to plan for our future more intentionally. $4k at the time was about ₦2.5m, and Greg started saving ₦1.7m monthly as a safety net for our wedding and new apartment. We got married in February 2023 and moved into our current apartment. The rent itself is ₦1.8m/year, but agent fees and furnishing drove the cost up to ₦3m. Greg handled this.
How about the wedding expenses?
Greg handled most of the wedding expenses, too — the hall, food, decorations, photography, videography, and security ran into ₦4m. I’d been saving too, so I assisted by paying for our outfits, accessories and my make-up. I think the whole thing cost me ₦1.2m. Nothing too serious.
I got pregnant almost immediately and had to quit my job when my bosses became passive-aggressive. They kept implying I wouldn’t work as hard anymore and increased my tasks as if to prove that. I didn’t need that stress in my life, so I quit in September 2023. I had the baby in November.
I planned to wait for my baby to become at least seven months old before I started job-hunting again. However, Greg’s workplace ended his contract in March 2024, and I had to dust my CV. I found my current job within six weeks of searching, and I earn ₦520k/month. Greg has yet to find another full-time job.
Does this mean your home currently runs on a single income source?
One stable income source. Greg has returned to freelancing, but the income isn’t steady. He can make $1k today and not make up to ₦300k for the next three months. We’ve had to tighten our belts and live as frugally as possible. But no matter how much we try to keep money, living in Lagos and the economy just force money out of our hands. We also have a baby to care for.
Sometimes, I think about feeding, electricity and transportation costs and my head just starts bringing out smoke. Imagine spending ₦120k on electricity every month because we’re on Band A, and it’s not like the light is 24/7 o! We still have to spend on fuel for the generator. I’m sorry I’m ranting; I don’t get to rant at home.
Why can’t you rant at home?
Greg feels bad whenever I complain about money. I might just be complaining about how an item has tripled in price, and he starts feeling guilty about not providing enough. I’ve told him countless times that I’m not faulting him for anything. But it doesn’t change anything.
I understand him, though. It must feel emasculating that, no matter how he tries, his efforts don’t seem to match our needs. He has a provider mindset, and I don’t want him to feel worse than he already does. So, I keep my concerns with inflation to myself and just try to manage his emotions.
I see. How do you both approach budgeting for home expenses?
We have a joint account that we use to handle all our needs. We send a portion of our salaries there to pay our bills. At first, it was just Greg sending 70% of his income to the account. If the money finished before month’s end, I’d assist with any bill that needed to be paid. That rarely happened because Greg’s income was so high.
But since he lost his job, I’ve been sending 70% of my income to the account. Then, I save the remaining 30%. Sometimes, I send the full 100% because of the high cost of living.
Is there any left to plan for dates and stuff?
We often plan indoor dates where we order in food, and the money for that usually comes from our joint account. Those dates happen at least once weekly, especially when I’m too tired to cook.
We used to buy random gifts a lot before the job situation. I’d often come home to see a dress or pair of shoes that Greg ordered. I’d also buy him things I knew he’d like when I went out. But now, we’re just trying to survive. Hopefully, things will get much better soon, and we can resume.
Hopefully. Do you both have a safety net?
We had an “untouchable” ₦2m emergency fund, but we had to touch it when rent was due last month. So, we’re trying to build another emergency fund. Greg and I have agreed that the next big payout he gets from a gig will go there.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I just want us to earn enough to afford a little extra to set aside in real estate and stock investments. There’s only so much running around we can do to make money. I feel like the highest point in wealth building is to have a source of passive income, and we need investments for that.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: He’s Funding a Gambling Habit and Long-Distance Relationship With a ₦280k/Month Salary
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