The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
November 2024 made it exactly five years that Bolaji and I have been married.
How did you meet your husband?
I’ve always known Bolaji. We grew up in the same neighbourhood in Sagamu. We weren’t really friends, though; I just saw him around, and we casually greeted each other. I stopped running into him after he left for uni because he schooled in Lagos, and I attended a polytechnic in Ogun state.
In 2019, Bolaji lost his grandmother, and he and the rest of his family returned to Sagamu for the burial. I attended the burial too, and Bolaji and I started talking. He stayed in town for about a week, and I kept him company. We got really close during that period. I even visited him in Lagos after he went back.
Almost every weekend, I was in Bolaji’s house. I found out I was pregnant two months after we reconnected.
Oh. How did you both feel about that?
It was definitely unexpected. I think Bolaji even had a main girlfriend — I saw his chat history with the girl months later — but he wasn’t upset when I told him about the pregnancy.
I was nervous, but I wasn’t scared. Children are a blessing, and although my only income was ₦15k, which I made from teaching, I was ready to provide for my child whether Bolaji accepted the baby or not. Thankfully, he didn’t deny responsibility.
We told our parents, and they suggested we get married. We weren’t forced to marry, though. Bolaji and I liked each other and would’ve gotten married regardless. The pregnancy just sped things up. It also helped that our parents knew each other and were friends, so it was a smooth decision. Five months later, we had a court wedding and a traditional ceremony. Our parents took care of most of the wedding expenses.
What were you and Bolaji’s financial situation like?
Bolaji worked for a health maintenance organisation and made ₦120k/month. After we married, I moved to Lagos to join him, so I quit my job at the school.
Things were hard for us in the first few years. I thought I’d get a job in Lagos to support the home after our child came. But COVID happened, and there were no jobs. Even Bolaji’s salary was cut to ₦70k for six months due to the lockdown. On some days, we’d soak garri for dinner. Imagine soaking garri as a breastfeeding mum. I also often had to ask my dad for urgent ₦2k. It was tough.
How did the state of your finances impact your relationship?
Interestingly, money wasn’t the main subject of our fights. Our arguments were about our personality differences. We didn’t really know each other before marriage, so it took a while to get used to each other’s ways of doing things. He had weird habits like not brushing all day if he was at home and turning off all the lights, even if someone was in the room. It was annoying, and we argued a lot.
When we argued about money, it was because I asked him for it. I only asked for money when our child needed something, but it almost always led to an issue. Most times, Bolaji would lose his temper and accuse me of not being understanding. Once, I took our child and angrily left the house when Bolaji implied that I had brought him bad luck.
Hmmm
Our relationship was rocky for most of 2021 and 2022. To be honest, I often wished I never even married him. Maybe I’d been in too much of a hurry, and I didn’t think through what marriage meant.
To make matters worse, I got pregnant again in 2021. I didn’t tell Bolaji till I was six months gone because I worried he’d ask me to abort the baby. When I eventually told him, he just shook his head and said, “congratulations.”
Thankfully, things got better towards the end of 2022. Bolaji got a job that paid ₦300k/month, and he opened a salon for me. I learnt hairdressing in school, so the salon helped with extra income. By that, I mean I had extra cash to spend besides the ₦80k/month Bolaji gave me for the house. He didn’t worry himself with how much I made from my salon. Anything I bought with my money was my own decision.
That’s one of Bolaji’s good sides. He takes providing for his family seriously, and he believes it’s his responsibility to handle everything. He’s also very transparent with how much money he has. It’s why I understand why he can no longer provide as much since he relocated to the UK.
Why and when did he relocate to the UK?
He’s always wanted to japa. Bolaji has cousins in the UK, and we knew japa could happen one day. He’d actually applied to visit years before, but his visa wasn’t approved. In 2023, his cousin advised him to apply via the study route, so he did that and got admission. He also got a partial scholarship. We sold our fridge and washing machine and gathered money from our family to cover the rest of the tuition and flight costs.
Bolaji is currently studying for a postgraduate degree in the UK. He left in August 2024, and we hope he can transition to working in the UK when he’s done. Then, we can consider having me and the kids join him.
He’s just trying to survive right now. He only started sending us £30 monthly in November. That’s about ₦60k, which is really small, but I understand that he has to sort school and living expenses. I support our home with the little I make from hairdressing. I’m currently back in my dad’s house in Sagamu with my children — we moved after Bolaji left to cut out rent expenses — and business isn’t as profitable as it was in Lagos. I’m also back to relying on the goodness of my family for things like clothes and the occasional loans. But we’re surviving.
So, you’re navigating a long-distance marriage now. What’s that like?
We keep in touch with video calls and texts, but it’s difficult. Bolaji is almost always busy, and the children also want to talk to him when he’s available. I sometimes feel like we never have time to talk alone, like lovers.
I’ve complained about this a few times, and he told me to be patient. Sometimes, he sends me sweet messages and tries to convince me that we won’t be apart for long. Last week, he sent his sister to surprise me with barbecued fish. He’s also promised to make time for us to have a long call on Valentine’s Day. So, the distance is hard, but Bolaji is trying his best to be there for me, which I’m grateful for.
That’s sweet. Do you both have a safety net for your future japa plans?
We both have land given to us by our parents, so we’ll probably sell them when it’s time for me to meet him. We also hope he gets a care job soon—we heard it pays better—so he can start saving.
I can’t get a 9-5 job because of the children, so I’ve been trying to get a government job with the help of family members. A government job will give me time to make hair as a side hustle. My husband and I have already agreed that he’ll stop sending me money if I get the job. That way, he will have more savings, and we can fast-track my relocation.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I just want us to be able to afford to be together as a family again. I’d also like for us to be homeowners in the UK one day.
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*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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