The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
About 8 months now. Onome and I started dating in July 2024.
How did you meet?
This is funny, but we met because I was sick. I was at the hospital to get tested for malaria, and Onome was the lab technician who drew my blood. I’m quite nervous around needles, and she could tell I was trying to put on a brave face.
She told jokes to relieve the tension, and I calmed down enough to notice she was a fine babe.
I’m screaming. Weren’t you supposed to be fighting for your life?
I mean, the sickness wasn’t affecting my eyes. I convinced Onome to give me her number, and we kept in touch via WhatsApp. At first, I thought she wasn’t interested in me. She kept responding late and sending one-word replies.
I was about to give up when I impulsively decided to call her one night. We spoke for two hours. It turned out that she was usually at work when I texted and couldn’t respond quickly. Also, she preferred calls to texts.
We went on a pizza and ice cream date and saw a movie that weekend. The whole thing, plus transportation, cost me ₦33k. We talked about everything, from our salaries to our families, past relationships and genotypes. It was my first time going all in right from the start like that. It felt like we’d known each other forever.
You mentioned salaries. What were your financial situations like at the time?
I was working remotely at a startup — I still am — earning ₦400k/month. I live with my parents, so most of my salary goes into savings and flexing. I’m not in a hurry to move out of my parent’s house. I have friends who live alone, and they tell me the shege they’re passing through. So, I’d rather save my money and get a place when I absolutely have to.
Onome’s finances, on the other hand, haven’t been great. When we started dating, she earned ₦80k as a lab technician. In December, she got a job at another lab, and her salary increased to ₦100k/month. But she has a lot of responsibilities, and the extra ₦20k doesn’t make much difference.
What kind of responsibilities?
Onome also lives with her parents, and she’s the first of four children, so everyone is constantly billing her.
She mentioned this on the first date when we talked about our families, but I didn’t think the billing was a lot. Then, we laughed about it, and I told her I could relate because I occasionally bill my elder sisters. too. The thing is, Onome’s responsibilities are more than random ₦10k requests.
Her parents are retired, so Onome sometimes has to pitch in for house rent. She also takes on most of the feeding expenses and pays the school fees of her youngest sibling. Onome had to personally take on that child’s school fees because her parents had no money for school fees and were prepared to let the child go uneducated.
Hmmm
On top of all that, her mum is hypertensive. Onome pays ₦20k/year for her mum’s HMO and still buys some medicine with her own money. Their youngest also has sickle cell, so occasional hospital admissions are a thing.
Since we started dating, Onome has had at least two financial emergencies every month. She doesn’t expect me to give her money — she’s actually never billed me since we started dating — but it’s only normal I pitch in sometimes. There’s no way my girlfriend will tell me she had to take her sibling to the hospital, and I’ll just say, “God be with you,” — especially because I know her parents don’t do much.
How often do you have to provide financial support?
At least once or twice monthly. Onome’s money problems typically involve repaying a small loan or urgently buying drugs. I don’t usually cover the full amount she needs; I usually send ₦20k – ₦30k to assist. This typically comes down to ₦50k – ₦60k in most months. It was ₦70k last month because her sibling landed in the hospital.
Onome appreciates my help and often says she doesn’t expect me to rescue her, but I feel like she keeps me in the loop because she actually wants me to do something. Wouldn’t she think me uncaring if I just ignored her problems?
Last month, I tried to reduce how much I spent helping her, but it was the month I spent the most. Honestly, it’s getting tiring. I often wonder if it won’t get worse as our relationship advances, and I don’t know if I can cope. I’ve heard horror stories of men having to provide for entitled in-laws. I don’t want that to be me.
Have you tried talking to Onome about this?
It’s a tricky subject. How do I say, “Stop telling me about your family problems?” Besides the money issue, she’s perfect. She’s focused, highly intelligent, and very caring. On several occasions, she’s stayed up all night helping me with my work (she’s a really good writer).
She treated me to a massage session on Valentine’s Day, bought me food, changed my laptop’s charger, and baked a cake. No one has ever been that thoughtful to me. To this day, I don’t know how she managed to afford all that.
I want this relationship to last forever; I’m just scared of her family’s constant needs, and I don’t know how to address it. I know I’ll have to bring it up soon, though.
Sigh. I understand. What other money conversations do you both have?
We talk about our savings. Actually, I’m the one trying to get her to build a savings culture. She thinks it’s impossible considering her many expenses, but I try to make her understand that, whether she sets money aside or not, the money will still finish. So, it’s better to have something she can hold on to.
In January, she started putting ₦20k/month in a savings app. She only saved ₦10k the following month, but I intend to keep following up so she saves something, no matter how small.
Do you have a budget for romance and relationship stuff?
We often go on dates, as those are the only opportunities we have to spend time together — we visit each other at home, but it’s not the same as just enjoying each other’s company.
Our dates are usually outdoor activities on weekends: spending time at parks, paintballing or going on walks that typically end in an eatery, mall or cinema. I spend around ₦60k/month on these dates.
You said something saving a lot. What does your portfolio look like now?
I have ₦3.2m in savings and about $600 in an investment app. My goal is to reach ₦6m by the end of the year and buy land to build a mini shopping plaza. ₦6m probably won’t cover the total cost, but I know my parents will most likely support me with the purchase once they see I’m actively working towards it.
I’m concerned I might not reach my savings goal this year, especially if I keep spending like I do in my relationship. For instance, four months ago, I reduced my monthly savings from ₦300k to ₦200k to meet up with the new demands. That’s why I’m quite worried about Onome’s family expenses. Hopefully, we can work that out soon.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
Japa. Onome plans to pursue an additional nursing qualification and I also want to switch to a tech role. If we both succeed within the next three to five years, we’d have good options to relocate permanently.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: The Finance Sis Performing Breadwinner Duties With ₦520k/Month
Click here to join the waitlist for Zikoko’s first-ever money event!
