The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
My husband, Ebuka, and I dated for six months before we got married in November 2023, so almost two years.
How did you meet?
We’ve always known each other from a distance. Our mums are friends, but Ebuka and I didn’t really interact until our mums matched us.
Ebuka was rounding up his master’s degree abroad, and his mum told him she had someone for him. She gave him my WhatsApp number and kept reminding him to reach out to me. My mum also told me someone was interested in me, but I didn’t take her seriously — she’d been trying to marry me off since the day I left uni in 2015.
Nigerian mothers
You get it. Ebuka finally reached out to me when his mum refused to leave the matter, and it turned out to be her friend’s daughter. We first joked about the situation, but our mothers must’ve seen something we didn’t because we became inseparable within a few days.
My bank job didn’t allow me to stay on my phone so much, but I’d go to the toilet to sneakily do video calls with Ebuka. We were so unserious. Sometimes he’d even fall asleep on the call, and I’d stay on just to stare at his face.
God, when?
We dated long-distance for the first four months before Ebuka returned to Nigeria. The plan wasn’t actually for him to return. The master’s was supposed to be his japa route, but he had visa issues and couldn’t find a job on time.
So, we agreed that he’d return to Nigeria briefly, then we’d get married and process our japa to a different country together. He returned in September, and the wedding happened in November.
How did you guys handle wedding expenses?
Ebuka handled most of it. He’d done many odd jobs during his school program abroad and saved most of his earnings. I think it was around ₦5m. That’s one thing about Ebuka, he’s very prudent and saves a lot. That attribute has its advantages and disadvantages.
For instance, even though I paid for my white wedding gown, he insisted on knowing how much I spent. I almost bought a ₦500k dress, but when I couldn’t defend the cost-effectiveness of my choice to Ebuka, I had to settle for one that cost ₦120k. I wasn’t thrilled, but now I’m glad I didn’t buy the expensive dress because it’d have just been a waste of money.
What’s the disadvantage?
The disadvantage of Ebuka being prudent is he tends to feel he’s the only one who can make sound financial decisions.
During our wedding, he kept everything on a tight leash. I wanted a different decorator, but he insisted on getting someone cheaper—the same for the baker and the MC. Now, I hate looking at some of our wedding pictures because they just didn’t give me the vibe I wanted. We’ve been married for a year, and Ebuka is still the same: He doesn’t like to spend, in his words, unnecessarily, and he likes everything to go his way.
Anyway, I understand Ebuka’s need for control. I guess it’s just a personality thing. I know he just wants the best of us, so I try to make a conscious effort to trust him. While I try to chip in my thoughts on matters, I ultimately leave him to make the decisions, especially regarding finances.
Besides, he makes the money — I haven’t worked since we got married — so he should automatically have the final say on how it’s spent.
Why haven’t you worked since you got married?
I was pregnant during my traditional wedding, but the stress of the wedding prep affected me, and I fell sick. Ebuka thought it’d be too risky to keep working after the health scare, so we agreed I’d resign.
At most, I was supposed to be unemployed for only a year and a half. Remember, we were still planning to japa. We thought the process would click soon. Worst case scenario, Ebuka would japa alone, and I’d join him later with our child.
But the japa has still not clicked, and we’re still here. I don’t know much about it because Ebuka doesn’t really involve me. Right now, I just want to get a job to earn money while we figure things out. I’ve been trying to get a remote job since January — I want to be home to care for my child — but nothing has come out of my efforts. It’s frustrating.
I hope something clicks soon. Does your employment status impact the kind of conversations you both have about money?
Not really. I’m the only one bothered about my job situation. Ebuka likes that I’m home, and I think he doesn’t even want me to work. He doesn’t complain about providing or make me feel like I should be bringing money home. But I don’t like constantly justifying why I need money and not having a say in matters because he’s the only breadwinner.
For instance, I don’t like our curtains. They’re black, and Ebuka bought them because “they’ll last longer.” I’ve been trying to get him to change it, but it’s like, “You want to waste my money?” I could buy what I want if I had my own money.
He gives me a ₦100k allowance for the house, but it’s often not enough. By the time I stretch the money to buy food and other necessities, there’s nothing left for data. Ebuka has a portable WiFi, which I use when he’s home, but I still need data when he’s not around. Whenever I ask, he makes me feel like I just want to be on my phone all day. So, I dip into my savings to save myself the long talk.
Where do the savings come from?
Sometimes my siblings send me money. Other times, I save the odd ₦5k from market runs. I currently have ₦60k in a savings app. Ebuka doesn’t know about my stash — not because he’ll collect it or anything, but because he’ll try to oversee how I spend it, and that’s another wahala.
I sometimes feel guilty about not telling him because he’s open about his finances. I know he earns ₦525k from his finance job and has about ₦11m in our japa safety net, but I don’t even determine how he spends money, so I feel there’s nothing wrong with doing the same.
How do you both plan for dates and romance stuff?
Haha. No plan o. Sometimes if I complain very well, Ebuka will come home with pizza and ice cream. That’s another reason I want to make my own money. I can decide to treat us both to restaurants and outdoor activities. He’ll have no choice but to follow me if I’m the one paying.
Plus, I think if I’m able to help out with some of the home’s expenses, Ebuka won’t be able to use “There are many bills to pay, babe” as an excuse when I nag him about dates.
However, Ebuka doesn’t miss gifts for special occasions like birthdays and Valentine’s Day. He makes sure to buy perfumes, bags or shoes. I try to reciprocate. I got him some cufflinks and a shirt for his birthday last month. The whole thing cost ₦28k. Hopefully, the job will come, and I can do more for my baby.
If you think about it, a job would even help us have a healthier, happier marriage. I would be happier because I don’t feel limited and unheard, and he would be less stressed.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
It’s for us to get visas and get enough money to leave this country. Every month we delay, the exchange rate increases, and our japa safety net feels increasingly insufficient.
I sound like a broken record at this point, but with a job, I can contribute to making our dreams come true and still achieve some form of financial freedom.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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