The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
About one and a half years. My wife, Josephine, and I hit our first wedding anniversary in December 2024. We dated for five months before we got married.
How did you meet Josephine?
We first met at our NYSC orientation camp in 2020. I asked her out, but she had a boyfriend, so we just exchanged numbers and chatted occasionally. I accepted that I’d been friend-zoned and didn’t ask her about her relationship status again.
Then, we met again at work in 2023. I was the new hire, but Josephine had been there for a while. We were both surprised to see each other and began talking more regularly. We also often hung out at work and had lunch together.
About two months after we reconnected, Josephine jokingly asked if my girlfriend wouldn’t be annoyed that we talked so much. I said I was single, and she asked, “So why won’t you ask me out?” I was like, “Shebi you had a boyfriend?”
In summary, she’d been broken up with the guy for years, so we started dating.
What was dating a coworker like?
We didn’t tell our coworkers because we weren’t sure if there was a policy against it —there wasn’t. But spending so much time with my girlfriend was definitely a plus. We’d hang out at work, then get food after office hours and end up in either her house or mine.
I think it also helped that we knew each other’s salary. I earned ₦100k, and Josephine earned ₦120k, so there were no unrealistic expectations of going to restaurant dates every week or buying expensive gifts.
Our first date was at the cinema, and we even shared the bill. I bought the ₦7k tickets and paid about ₦15k for the cabs, while Josephine bought the popcorn and drinks. We didn’t even talk about splitting the bills beforehand. She just offered. I think that was the moment I knew I’d marry her, and I proposed two months later.
Sharp sharp?
I didn’t see any point in delaying. Plus, Josephine and I had talked about marriage. We weren’t fans of long dating. If you already love the person, why wait for years and years?
Also, a few weeks earlier, I’d gotten another remote job—a ₦350k/month product management role at a fintech company, bringing my income sources to two. I felt ready to get married. Josephine also had a job, and our combined incomes would be enough to support our home.
Did you already discuss combining your finances?
Something like that. We’d had reasons to discuss traditional expectations in marriage versus what we wanted in our relationship, and Josephine had said she didn’t subscribe to the man being the sole provider. She made it clear that she wouldn’t be a stay-at-home wife. She’d work and also contribute to the home. I didn’t see any point in discussing a contribution percentage. I believe the man should provide more; if the wife needs to support him, she’ll step in. Plus, we were transparent with our finances, so I didn’t expect money to be a problem.
These were my convictions when I proposed in August 2023. She said yes, and we got married in December. We got a lot of financial support from our family and friends. We also combined our savings to rent a ₦700k/year two-bedroom apartment in Mowe, Ogun state. We chose Mowe because it was cheaper than most places in Lagos.
What has marriage been like?
Harder than expected. I’ve been the sole breadwinner since April 2024. Josephine got pregnant almost immediately we got married, and it was a tough pregnancy. She managed to work for the first three months. But by April, she had to be placed on bed rest, so she resigned.
My remote job had increased my salary to ₦450k when this happened, so I also resigned from the other job. It had become too stressful commuting from Mowe to Lagos mainland. Plus, I needed to be available to assist Josephine.
Hospital bills drained my salary during that period. At some point, Josephine observed bed rest at home, but she started bleeding, so the hospital admitted her. We practically lived in the hospital for the remaining four months of that pregnancy. I was just hearing, “Pay ₦50k for this, bring ₦80k for that.” I can’t even calculate how much I spent because I’ll just develop a headache.
Sigh. Sorry you went through that
We even had to borrow ₦200k from family members to settle the bill after we had the baby in September. I could only buy baby things in small quantities when I received my salary because I couldn’t afford everything at once. It’s been really hard.
As if I didn’t have enough problems, Josephine initially couldn’t produce enough milk to breastfeed. In the first month, I spent almost ₦100k on baby formula. Thankfully, Josephine started producing milk after a few months, but I was overwhelmed by how expensive and mentally draining childcare was.
Sometimes, I’d think about all the expenses in front of me, lock myself in the toilet, and cry. I couldn’t tell my wife because she was also recovering from a traumatic pregnancy and caring for an infant. Omo, we went through it. Now, I advise anyone who has ears not to try to have children until they’re very sure they can handle it financially and emotionally.
Word. With your baby and limited finances, do you both even have time for romance stuff?
Was it not romance that got us into this mess? Honestly, we haven’t had any time for each other. Our baby is almost four months old now, so she sleeps a bit more at night, and we try to use the quiet time to talk or watch movies. But that’s not often because we’re almost always tired to do anything.
Josephine has been stylishly hinting that we buy pizza occasionally for indoor dates like we used to do, but her requests often irritate me. I bring out money for every single thing we need, even down to matches, and she wants pizza. I know she means no harm, but it’s a bit insensitive.
In December, I had to borrow ₦300k from a loan app to make rent, and I’ve been repaying from a salary that isn’t even enough. I’m exhausted all the time, and I’m even scared to check my blood pressure because I know it’ll be high. I’m sick and tired of being the primary breadwinner, and I’m counting the days until Josephine can work again.
Have you both agreed on when that’ll be?
I hope it’s when our baby turns seven or eight months old. I’ve brought it up with Josephine, but she is set on getting a remote job so she can be with the baby. I don’t have issues with that because I also don’t think I can care for the baby while working.
But I’m scared that her search for a remote job may take too long. I just need help as soon as possible. I told her this, but she made it seem like I didn’t believe in her. So, I’ll just quietly hope she finds a job as soon as she starts searching.
What kind of conversations do you both have around money now?
Right now, it’s about how much money she needs from me to buy diapers or medicine. This January, we discussed the need to save at least ₦50k/month for rent so we don’t run helter-skelter when it’s due. It will be hard to be consistent, but we’ll have to try our best. Hopefully, Josephine also gets a job this year so we can improve our finances and possibly look at saving for things we need, like a washing machine.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I just want both of us to have good incomes so the load on my shoulders can be reduced.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: The Hairdresser in a Long-Distance Marriage on a ₦25k/Month Income
