The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years, and we’ve been together for 12.
How did you both meet?
Funny story. Akin was in a relationship with one of my old classmates, and we met when he accompanied her to my school’s alumni reunion in 2012. The lady abandoned him to flirt with another former classmate, so Akin angrily left. The whole drama played out in front of almost everyone at the reunion, and I remember feeling so embarrassed for him.
A few days later, I saw his Facebook profile and impulsively sent a friend request. He accepted almost immediately and sent me a message. He remembered me from the reunion, and we joked about how his babe left him for another guy. About three months after we started chatting, we met up, and love entered the picture. I moved in with him a month after we started dating.
So fast?
Akin was the first boyfriend I ever co-habited with, and I don’t even know where the confidence came from. My landlord had just increased my rent from ₦66k to ₦120k, and there was no way I’d pay that amount for a tiny face-me-I-face-you room. The initial plan was to find another apartment my ₦35k receptionist salary could afford, but househunting took a lot of time.
Akin didn’t want me to rush into getting an apartment that’d turn out worse, so he asked me to move in while I searched. I never thought I could co-habit with a lover because all you ever hear is that men take advantage of free bumbum and cooking.
But I asked myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” At 28 years old, I wasn’t a small girl. If I became uncomfortable with the situation, I could just leave. So, I stayed, and it turned out well.
What was co-habiting like?
It was pretty smooth. Akin and I worked well together and shared everything from finances to chores. When I told my friends I paid for foodstuff and handled bills around the house, they thought I was stupid. Like what woman lives with a man who isn’t her husband and pays for things? But I didn’t see it as a big deal.
Did you both share the bills and expenses equally?
Not at all. It wasn’t like he asked me to bring money for anything — he worked in a bank and earned way more than me — we just liked to spend on each other.
I could buy foodstuff on my way home from work, and he would do the same the next day. If NEPA bill met me at home, I would just pay it. That’s how we did it. Akin paid the rent, though.
When we got married in 2014, we still approached our finances the same way. That said, we’ve had to make several changes over the years.
What kind of changes?
Between 2014 and 2017, Akin was the sole provider. I had our children and couldn’t juggle motherhood with a job.
However, he lost his bank job in 2017 and started a tiles business, which meant we were no longer sure of a specific amount coming in monthly. So, I looked for a job to support the family.
I got a teaching job with the federal government through a family friend, and my first salary was around ₦80k. Once I received my salary, I’d take ₦15k out for transport and sit down with Akin to plan how to spend the rest. On his own part, he sent his weekly profits to me to hide in a separate account for our rent.
It probably sounds like we were so in sync, but we occasionally fought about money.
What were the fights about?
First, they were mostly due to financial pressure. I felt like I couldn’t even dictate how to spend my hard-earned money because he kept tabs on my salary. When I felt like that, I complained, and it almost always led to arguments.
Sometimes, Akin also kept profits to himself and would go weeks without giving me any money to keep. Whenever I noticed that, I complained, and he’d argue that he also wanted to hold money in his hands and spend without having to explain to me.
At that point, I’d go, “Ehen? But you know exactly how much I earn and help me spend it right?”
So, yes, we fought about money a lot. But after the flare of emotions had died, we’d talk about it and understand it was normal for both of us to feel that way. It’s normal for us each to want to dictate how we spend our own money. But ultimately, we had to put family first and combine our resources for our children. When money fights happen now — which isn’t often — we try to remember that.
Glad it’s working out. What are your finances like these days?
Numbers-wise, we earn more, but I don’t think it shows in our standard of living. In a good month, Akin can make like ₦200k from his business. I now earn ₦128k, bringing our total average monthly income to ₦300k+, but we still struggle a lot.
Our house rent is ₦650k, and I save at least ₦50k monthly for that. The remaining ₦78k can’t feed my family for three weeks, and there are still small expenses like children’s clothes, medication and the rest.
Akin still keeps money with me, but now we use that to handle school fees and major expenses. For example, we bought a washing machine for ₦180k in 2024. Everything else he makes goes into daily expenses like transportation, feeding, utility bills, fuel and sending money to our families.
Do you both have a relationship budget for dates and romance stuff?
Romance ke? Haha. We don’t o. Sometimes, my husband buys me suya when I disturb him about no longer putting effort into toasting me. We also take the children to cinemas and eateries during festive occasions. On my last birthday, he bought me a bag and a pair of shoes. I also bought him shoes for his birthday.
I don’t mind that we don’t always buy each other things or go out. I know how difficult things are, so it won’t be reasonable for me to ask. My husband is kind to me and helps me with everything.
Before we got the washing machine, Akin did all the laundry by hand. He’s a good man, so I understand our situation. I don’t mind spending all my money to make our lives easier. That “the man must provide everything” story doesn’t apply in my home.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
My husband and I always talk about owning our home one day. If big money hits our hands, we’ll just erect a building of two or four flats so we can live in one flat and rent out the others for passive income. That would solve more than half of our problems.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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