The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
We’ve been seeing each other for a year. However, it’s not exactly a relationship; she’s married, and we’re on the low.
Tell me more about that
Mutiat is a staff member at my uni, so I can’t reveal exactly how we met. But we became close after I had to regularly visit her office to help with her work. She’s 12 years older than me, but she’s something of a Gen Z at heart.
When we started talking, I noticed just how in tune she was with pop culture. She knows everyone from Fireboy DML to Burna Boy. She’s even the biggest fan of the latter. I found that really surprising because she has a gentle outward appearance and is always covered because of her religion.
How did you both become an item?
We began chatting regularly not long after I started going to her office. At first, it was harmless. I’d send her Twitter links of people arguing about their music faves or a post about Burna Boy misbehaving, and we’d argue and joke about it.
Then we started chatting into the night, and somehow, sexting entered the picture. I mentioned earlier that she’s married. She told me her husband had multiple wives and girlfriends and was hardly around. In summary, she was sexually frustrated. I already liked her, so I was happy to agree to a primarily sexual relationship when she suggested it.
What does a primarily sexual relationship entail?
Our relationship can’t be more than sex. I don’t text her anyhow, and we don’t talk to each other in public. I’ve even stopped going to her office to prevent suspicion. She decides where and when we meet.
I also wouldn’t call what we have entirely transactional because she doesn’t pay me for sex. Yes, she pays for the hotels, buys me things and has bailed me out more than once after I exhausted the ₦60k allowance from my parents. But I don’t demand or expect it. I like her as a person, and I honestly look forward to spending time with her. But I also know our arrangement can’t be more than this.
You mentioned she buys you things. What things?
Mostly food when we meet up. She also bought me a pair of shoes and perfume for my birthday. Sometimes, when I complain about school to her, she sends me ₦10k or ₦20k. That happens about once a month.
I bought her a ₦2k pair of earrings once. I’m not even sure why I did. I just saw the earrings and liked them. I thought they’d look cute on her, but she didn’t accept it.
Oh. Why?
She said it was very different from her regular jewellery choices, and her husband would know she didn’t buy it herself.
To be honest, I felt really pained. I wondered if it wasn’t the same husband she claims never has time for her. How come he’ll suddenly pay attention to her earrings? I’d used the last ₦2k in my account to buy those earrings, but I didn’t tell her that.
I understand her, though. She can’t afford to let her husband suspect anything, and we already agreed it’s just sex. I haven’t tried to buy her anything since then. The only thing I do for her is help with her work and offer a listening ear when she wants to rant about music or whatever stunt her co-wives are pulling. I’m glad I can help her to an extent, I guess.
It lowkey sounds like you want more from the relationship than just sex
Damn. Is it that obvious? Actually, yes. Sometimes, I fantasise about us going on a date together, attending a concert, or even having her picture on my phone. That’s another thing. Mutiat regularly goes through my phone to make sure I don’t have pictures of her. I know she’s just being careful to avoid blackmail or revenge porn, but it almost feels like what we have isn’t real.
I know it’s not “real” in the true sense, but we’re also friends. We like the same things, and we talk. Sometimes, it feels like she’s actively erasing herself from my life so she can disappear whenever she needs to.
Would you say you’re prepared for this possibility?
Somehow. Regardless of how I feel, if she says she’s tired today, I have to accept it. No one sent me to go and catch feelings. People are getting sugar mummies and changing their lives. Me, I’m getting attached.
I’m screaming. What happens when you graduate from uni?
I honestly don’t know yet. She once joked about helping me work my NYSC so I’d stay back in the city we live, but I’m not putting my mind to it.
I told my guy about us, and he wants me to get her to set me up financially. He thinks she’s just using me, so I should also get something substantial out of it. I somehow agree.
Oh. How do you intend to do that?
I recently started taking software development classes, but my laptop is old and useless. I’ve mentioned to Mutiat that I need a new laptop, and I think I need to apply pressure. Maybe I’ll just tell her outright and see what she says. If she refuses, I might just end the arrangement. If it’s not benefiting me, maybe I should save myself the heartbreak and leave before I fully catch feelings.
Hmm. What if she agrees?
Then we’ll continue until she decides she doesn’t want what we have anymore. But I’ll make sure I become intentional about asking for financial help when I need it. At least, I’ll have something I can point to as what I got from her.
I’m curious. Does your arrangement with Mutiat allow you to have a regular partner?
We haven’t discussed it, but I assume it shouldn’t. I’ve not even seen anyone I want to date, so it’s not really a problem. We’ll cross that bridge if we get there.
What’s an ideal future for you and Mutiat?
For her to leave her husband and follow me. LOL. I’m just kidding. There’s no future for us.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: The Content Writer Navigating an Expensive Open Relationship With ₦250k/Month
Get more stories like this and the inside gist on all the fun things that happen at Zikoko straight to your inbox when you subscribe to the Zikoko Daily newsletter. Do it now!
