The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been in your relationship?
We clocked two years in September.
Tell me the story of how you met
We met at the school where I teach. I’d just gotten the job, and Beatrice came to school to pay some fees for her younger sister, who was my student. The bursar wasn’t around, and I noticed her walking up and down the corridor in frustration. So, I offered to collect the money and make the payments on her behalf so she could go home.
I collected her number to send the receipt to her— I didn’t need to because I also gave the receipt to her younger sister— and we started talking regularly. I told myself I wouldn’t ask her out because she’d just received her NYSC call-up letter to Lagos. I didn’t want a long-distance relationship, but somehow, we started dating two months after meeting in school.
What was that like, starting a long-distance relationship?
We had a lot of communication issues at first. Beatrice likes calls and several messages throughout the day, which was strange to me. I’ve dated other women, and they were all fine with one call a day. Beatrice wanted me to call in the morning and after every class.
She also expected me to text her every detail about my day. It was too much work to do all that and teach, so we argued a lot. We even broke up four months into the relationship — she accused me of being nonchalant after an argument. I tried to explain that I couldn’t handle work and all those things she wanted at the same time, but she just broke down crying.
I told her it’s best if we ended things if she wasn’t happy with me. She got angry and blocked me. We settled and got back together three weeks later when she returned to Abuja to visit her family.
The arguments have reduced, but she complains once in a while that I don’t call or say sweet things as much as she expects. I don’t know how to do those things, but I’m trying, and she has learnt to accept me like that. We’re also still long-distance, even though she finished NYSC in 2023.
Did she stay back in Lagos?
Yeah. Beatrice has been interested in working at a tech startup since she was in university, and she says there aren’t many of them in Abuja. She works with one now and earns ₦150k/month. I’m happy for her because it’s her dream and we’ve agreed that I’ll move to Lagos. I’m currently looking for a job in Lagos.
Meanwhile, we try to see each other every two to three months, and we take turns going back and forth. But this year, Beatrice has done most of the travelling because she lives with an uncle, and whenever I travel to Lagos, we have to stay in a hotel or my friend’s place. We have more freedom when she comes to Abuja because we can just stay in my house, and she also gets to see her family.
Who handles these travel expenses?
We split the costs. If I travel to Lagos, I pay my transport fare, and she pays for the hotel. When she travels, she pays for one leg of the trip, and I pay for her return trip. I also handle food and date expenses in Lagos and Abuja.
I tried to limit Beatrice’s travel this year because transportation has become so expensive. In early 2023, ₦30k could take me to Lagos and back to Abuja. Now, one trip alone is between ₦32k – ₦37k. I told Beatrice that the expenses were too much, but she only heard, “I don’t want you to come”.
That’s another subject we often argue about. Beatrice wants grand gestures like me travelling down to surprise her or taking her everywhere when we see each other. But these things cost money I don’t have. My ₦80k salary hardly does anything, and I have to hustle for home lessons to make a little extra, but my girlfriend wants me to get her the world.
I believe love can still be shown in the little things, like showing concern about your personal and professional growth, praying together, and being loyal. But if I’m not spending money or doing those Instagram-worthy shows of affection, I’m not doing enough.
Hmmm. Have you tried talking about this with her?
I have, but it just leads to arguments, so I keep quiet. However, one topic I won’t relax my stand on is girlfriend allowance. A few months after we started dating, Beatrice started hinting at me giving her an allowance so she wouldn’t have to ask me for money. I shut it down very fast.
I don’t believe in girlfriend allowance. Am I paying you to be my girlfriend? I understand supporting my woman with money when she needs it. But have I even settled my own life that I’m paying someone else a salary? Beatrice has referenced the matter several times, but I won’t budge. I think we still talked about it shortly after she landed her job. I had to tell her, “Babe, you earn more than me. You live with someone for free, but I’m borrowing money to pay rent. If anything, you should be giving me an allowance.”
Thankfully, she doesn’t insist whenever we talk about it, but I wish she’d stop. It’s a turn-off for me.
Do you ever give her money?
I give her the occasional ₦5k for data every other month. The major relationship expenses happen whenever we see each other. That’s when I’m spending like ₦30k on dates, ₦10k on cab rides or buying her one ₦15k dress that she really likes. She also buys me stuff, though. I can just be in school, and a rider will call me to say that Beatrice sent me food or bought me clothes for work.
You said something about borrowing money to pay rent earlier
Yeah. See, times are hard and my salary doesn’t do enough to protect me from how crazy expensive things are in Abuja. I try to save ₦15k monthly to meet my ₦180k part of the rent for the apartment I share with my friend, but I sometimes use my savings when Beatrice comes around.
So, I often have to borrow from my elder brother or loan apps. Beatrice doesn’t know I use the loan apps. I promised her I’d stop after they sent her a message threatening her to make me pay my debt last year. But the apps come through for me in emergencies, so I have no choice.
What do future plans look like for you both?
Right now, it’s a little hazy. I have to get a job in Lagos first before I can think about a future. I don’t even know how I’ll handle accommodation if that job comes, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. I know Beatrice wants to get married in 2026, but if I’m not earning at least ₦500k by then, that might not happen. ₦500k is even small considering this economy, but at least I can start a family with that.
Have you considered your ideal financial future as a couple?
It’s to get enough money to japa. Beatrice has family in the UK and always talks about settling in the UK one day. I don’t mind because I’m tired of Nigeria. I just don’t know when I’ll be able to afford it.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
NEXT READ: This Fashion Designer Will Only Get Married if Her Boyfriend Provides for Her Child
Get more stories like this and the inside gist on all the fun things that happen at Zikoko straight to your inbox when you subscribe to the Zikoko Daily newsletter. Do it now!
