#NairaLife: The Single Mum Who Regrets Being Her Family’s Breadwinner

Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

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What’s your earliest memory of money?

It’s the time I “took” ₦150 from my mum’s purse in Primary 2. I knew it was bad, but I did it. If she found out, she never confronted me.

Why ₦150?

My school had this thing called a check test. It was a type of midterm exam, and each child was to pay ₦150. When I told my mum, she said she didn’t have money. So, I had to collect it myself.

Was “I don’t have money” a regular phrase you heard growing up?

Not at first. My dad used to travel internationally to buy materials for his plumbing business, but he stopped and started doing local trips around the country instead. I never found out why.

I was small, but I noticed the changes. I remember starting primary school in a private school and suddenly withdrawing to attend a government school.

My dad gradually stopped bringing gifts from his trips, too. Then I started hearing, “I don’t have money.” Sometimes, he’d leave the house and not return for a long time. 

My mum also moved from being a housewife to selling fruits at a major market in Onitsha, where we lived. I was used to seeing her at home whenever I came home from school, but she, too, started returning late. This was around 2006/2007.

I’d just started adjusting to our new reality when my mum passed away in 2012. My dad also started having issues paying rent, so he sent me and my siblings to live with my grandmother in the village.

I’m so sorry about your mum

Thanks. I was in JSS 2 and continued my secondary school education in the village. When I finished in 2017, there was no money to further my education, so I had to start working.

Sales girl jobs were the easiest options for secondary school certificate holders where I lived, and I found one at a provision store. My salary was ₦6k/month, which I used to fend for myself and provide for my sisters. I’m the second-born, but my elder sibling stayed back with an uncle in the city, so I became the oldest to the rest of my siblings.

I worked at the provision store for a year. Then, I decided to return to the city.

Why?

I was tired of living in the village and wanted to try going to university. My dad thought I was joking when I told him until I appeared in his one-room face-me-I-face-you apartment. I even left my sisters behind.

I told my dad I wanted to resume school, and his response was, “Hmm.” That clearly meant, “With which money?” I had to resort to looking for jobs if I hoped to make my school dream come true.

Did you find a job?

Yes. I found one as a marketer at a microfinance bank in 2019. Basically, we did esusu contribution (thrift collection), and my job was to enter the market and convince people to contribute with us. My salary was ₦15k/month, more than double what I made back in the village.

However, I could only save about ₦1k-₦2k monthly because my dad wasn’t doing great financially. He worked as “oso afia” — a middleman. You know those men you see standing around in the market and asking passersby what they want to buy? Then you tell them, and they take you to the person selling it. That’s what my dad did. 

He made money from small commissions. His income wasn’t enough for anything, so I had to contribute to the home expenses. 

I also sent about ₦5k monthly to my sisters back in the village. The rest of my salary went into my toiletries and transportation to work. I worked there for a year before I left in 2020.

Why did you leave?

The pressure was a lot. The bank expected me to bring people who could drop ₦1m in fixed deposits. But my customers were market people who used their money to trade, and I always missed my targets. 

My bosses kept telling me to “apply pressure” and do what others were doing. When I asked the others what they were doing, it was that some of them were using their bodies. Me, I couldn’t do it, and I was also in a relationship. So I quit before they used pressure to wound me. 

My sisters also moved to the city to manage with me and my dad around that time. Responsibilities increased, and then the lockdown happened. Omo, as soon as it was over, I had to look for another job. This time, it was as a sales girl at a clothing store. 

How much did it pay?

₦15k/month. I was determined to write JAMB that year, so I started evening tutorial lessons. I told my uncles before I started because I knew I’d need their financial help. They told me to go ahead, and I paid ₦4,500 for the three-month tutorial. I paid ₦5,500 for the JAMB exam itself, and I scored 177.

Uni was out of the question, so I processed admission to a college of education and got in. But I deferred the admission because my uncles gave me stories when I called them to ask for money to pay the ₦8k acceptance fee.

It pained me that I didn’t have any money saved up, or I’d have paid it myself. But then again, the school fee was ₦65k. Where would I see the money for that?

Right

Thankfully, I was still working at the clothing store. But I also left after working for a year in 2021. I was tired and needed space to think about my life. I decided I wouldn’t look for another job. I’d use the time to find a handiwork to earn so I could make something of myself. 

But that decision only lasted like three months. Things were so hard at home. My dad would go out and come back without money, and my siblings had to eat. Even if I wanted to close my mind to my own needs, I couldn’t just watch them starve. I was getting a little pocket money here and there from my boyfriend, but it wasn’t enough for us all. 

So, I found another job in 2022 at a hospital. I was like an administrative assistant. 

Was the pay any better?

Still ₦15k o. That’s the general salary for SSCE holders in my area. Only jobs in the state capital or major cities pay like ₦30k/month.

Fortunately, some of my siblings had started doing small small things to make money, so I could save about ₦6k/month. When we were really lucky, our dad would have enough money to feed us for two or three days, so we shared responsibilities like that. Sometimes, if everyone was broke, we slept hungry.

I actually loved my job at the hospital. I asked questions a lot and joined the other staff to do tests and prepare for operations. I even learnt to read lab results. The doctor was a gynaecologist, and I gained experience in things concerning women, like pregnancy and prenatal drugs.

Ironically, I discovered I was pregnant in 2023. I had to leave the hospital.

Did they ask you to leave?

No, but I was ashamed. The staff knew I wasn’t married, and nurses gossip a lot. I didn’t want to be at the centre of anyone’s gossip.

I only knew about my pregnancy in the third month. I typically see my period for five days, but I saw it for only three days during the first two months. I thought it was an infection, so I started saving money for treatment. One mind just told me to do a pregnancy test even though I was sure I used contraceptives. Alas, the baby was there.

I ran to my aunt’s place in confusion.  Then I sent my dad a text to inform him about my condition. After that, I switched off my phone. When he finally got through to me, he asked me who was responsible. He knew my boyfriend, so I told him. He said, “So, what is he saying?” I responded, “I don’t know,” and he ended the call.

Was your boyfriend actually saying anything?

When I told him, he said, “It’s not true.” Then he said he wasn’t responsible. Then he accepted, but he grew distant. At one point, he stopped calling and taking my calls. I think the whole thing contributed to the mental breakdown I suffered.

My aunt took me to a psychiatric hospital for tests because I kept talking to myself and crying. I don’t even know if they found anything wrong; I was just in my own world. 

I moved to an uncle’s house in January, and that’s when I started to feel like myself again. The neighbourhood is quiet, and I feel at peace. I had my baby two months ago, and I’ve not returned home since. My dad comes to visit me here. My baby’s father calls once in a while, but he doesn’t send money. I stopped asking when he kept posting me.

Does your uncle support you financially?

He provides most of what I need. I have a roof over my head, and I don’t have to worry about food. In February, I got a ₦15k/month teaching job at a school close to his house. I was seven months pregnant then. The salary is small, considering how expensive things have gotten, but I don’t spend money on transportation and food, so it works.

You have a baby now. Does your salary still cover your needs?

For now, yes. I don’t buy baby formula because I breastfeed. My mum’s family also gifted us thrifted baby clothes and diapers, so I won’t have to worry about new ones for a while. There are also immunisations for my baby, but those don’t cost much. I’m trying to save as much as I can because I know the time will come when my baby’s needs will double.

Oh, my school’s principal also increased my salary to ₦20k in May. I explained to her that I needed more money for my baby before I went on my six-week maternity leave, and she increased it when I returned. That woman really tried for me.

That’s nice. Let’s break down your typical monthly expenses

I have ₦35k saved up right now, and I plan to save more so I can learn how to make money online. I’m considering affiliate or digital marketing before the end of the year. The people I’ve asked told me I’ll need like ₦30k to start affiliate marketing. Then, I’ll still need to look for where to learn content marketing and social media ads as additional skills.

Why affiliate marketing?

I heard people are making money with it. I’d still like to go to the university for my degree, so I can grow and stop earning ₦15k -₦20k. But I need money to make that happen. I hear I can make up to 50% commission with affiliate marketing, and if I make enough sales, I can make ₦100k – ₦200k in a month. That’s really good money.

You mentioned you hadn’t been home since learning you were pregnant. Do you plan to return at any point?

I don’t think I can go back there again in this life. Apart from the fact that neighbours will use gossip to finish me, I don’t have to worry about feeding anyone here.

The pressure to provide for everyone was too much and was part of what pushed me to my baby’s father — he was giving me small small money at the time. Now, see where that’s gotten me. I’m okay where I am, please. At least if money enters my hand now, I can focus on school, not what someone will eat.

I’m curious. Do your siblings still call you for money?

No one calls me o. I guess they pity me now. They know it was the pressure that made me vulnerable, so the highest they bill me is ₦200 recharge card once in a while

Is there anything you want right now but can’t afford?

I learned that I need a laptop and steady internet connection for affiliate marketing. I don’t know what a steady connection means, but I assume it means my ₦3,500 monthly data won’t be enough. That’s why I plan to save until the end of the year. Hopefully, it’ll be enough to cover what I need.

Rooting for you. How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

1. I would be in a different position now if billing wasn’t so much. Between February and now, I’ve saved ₦35k. Imagine what I could’ve had if I didn’t have so many responsibilities. I’m grateful that my pregnancy was smooth, but I still regret some of the steps I took. 

I now ring it in my siblings’ ears that no one should carry burdens the way I did. Everyone should fend for themselves.

Find all the past Naira Life stories here.