The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been in your relationship?
Four years. It’s my longest relationship, and that’s how I know he’s the one. I used to get bored easily in relationships.
So, how did y’all meet?
We met at NYSC orientation camp. He was in the process of “toasting” me when the lockdown happened, and the government sent all the corps members home. We’d already exchanged numbers, so we started talking every day about mundane things. Stuff like me complaining about being unable to go out to braid my hair or about how tired I was of eating beans —the only foodstuff I had at home.
We officially began dating when movement restrictions started to ease up gradually. I think I even fell in love before that. My boyfriend’s a nurse, and one of the perks of his job was free movement despite the curfew. The man actually used that perk to bring me rice and some other food items even before I agreed to date him because I complained about beans. Why won’t I say yes to that kind of intentionality?
Haha, love it. Were you also working during this period?
My PPA was a secondary school, but physical classes were suspended, and the management didn’t really involve corps members in the online classes they tried to hold. So, I mostly slept at home. My only income was the ₦33k NYSC stipend.
Was your boyfriend’s financial situation any better?
Oh yes. He made about ₦100k from the hospital, apart from the ₦33k NYSC stipend. He also received a hazard allowance because of the pandemic, but I can’t remember how much it was.
He was my safety net during service year. I couldn’t really call home for money because my parents had my siblings to take care of, and I wanted to be independent. My boyfriend gave me at least ₦20k monthly, paid for dates, and got me random teddy bears and chocolate gifts for being a correct babe.
We moved in together halfway into service year. By then, we’d been dating for about four months. The love was “sweeting” us, and we wanted to spend every waking moment together. I only stayed eight months before moving out.
What happened?
We started having friction. I noticed he wasn’t putting as much effort into “dating” me as he did before. There were no more random gifts and dates. He even stopped the girlfriend allowance because he reasoned that he gave me ₦10k weekly to cook at home.
I complained about the changes, which led to some disagreements. I felt like I was just giving sex and doing chores like a housewife while he was outside doing his thing. We eventually decided to live apart and work on our relationship more before cohabiting again.
So, I moved out in 2021 after NYSC, and he gave me ₦220k to support the ₦300k I needed for rent and the extra agent charges. I also got a job as a personal assistant at a recruiting firm and began earning ₦80k/month that same year.
Did that change how money worked in your relationship?
It did. My boyfriend had provided for me for so long, and it was only fair for me to start reciprocating. He still sent me money and bought me stuff, but I began making more of an effort. I bought him a pair of ₦50k shoes for his birthday in 2021. I had to actively plan for that gift because my salary usually only covered transportation and feeding. But as a lover girl, I had to step up for my boo.
I also started sending him data monthly and cooking for him. He didn’t really ask for those; I just noticed he was always busy at work and constantly forgot to renew his data subscription. Plus, he hardly ate good food whenever I wasn’t around. So, I started packing some food for him whenever I cooked and moved to just going to his house during the weekend to cook like three soups and some rice dishes. Between 2021 – 2022, ₦15k – ₦20k could cook three soups. Now, I have to budget ₦30k – ₦40k.
What are both of your finances like these days?
At ₦300k/month, my boyfriend still earns more than me. I moved to the HR department of my firm in 2023, and my salary is now ₦120k.
My boyfriend gives me ₦60k monthly and pays 40% of my rent. We take turns paying for dates. It’s not like we keep track of who paid today; we just subconsciously take each other out. I take care of his feeding and data and love to spoil him with gifts. Now that I think about it, I usually spend most of my girlfriend allowance on him. I’m a chronic online shopper, and I always see something that would look good on my man, so I buy.
I wiped my savings for his birthday this year to get him a ₦136k Paco Rabanne perfume and a ₦30k smartwatch. Yes, I’m a mumu for love. Before anyone drags me, he also buys me stuff for birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s days.
LOL. What kind of money conversations do you have with your boyfriend?
A recurring topic is my money habits. I’m the more lau lau spender—my man is very big on budgeting, and I spend money as the spirit leads. He’s generous to me, but he plans his giving. He budgets a specific amount per month for relationship things. He wants me to have a similar approach, but I haven’t been able to hack accountability. When I complain about being broke, and he asks what I spent money on, I tend to be a little defensive because “Is it not you I’m spending my money on?”. So, he lets it be.
But we’re working on a fix. We plan to get married next year, and he suggested a joint account so we can both keep track of our finances. We’ll still have separate accounts, but we’ll send at least 60% of our income to the joint account and then use that money to handle joint home expenses. I believe that’ll also help curb my erratic spending habits.
Has money ever caused conflict between you two?
Oh yes. Apart from his concerns with my spending, we’ve once disagreed about him giving people money without telling me. He argued he didn’t have to tell me what he did with his money, but I didn’t think that was right. We’re in a committed relationship, and I should know who you’re helping. Before you start giving one babe money out of the goodness of your heart, and she wants to appreciate in kind.
It was a big issue because he thought I was unreasonable, but we discussed it, and he saw my point. Now, he tells me whenever he sends anyone money. I just like being in the know.
You mentioned marriage by next year. How will the finances for that work?
It’s my man o. He’s the one marrying me. I can support him by paying for my clothes and maybe buying his suit, but he’ll handle the rest.
Do you have a financial safety net for that?
Not really. Because of the birthday expenses, I have about ₦50k in my savings account. Before now, my savings were based on whatever I had left after spending. But my boyfriend is on my neck to save at least ₦30k monthly, so I’ll start doing that this month.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
To have bastard money, and a major step for that to happen is japa. My man has recently begun seriously considering japa options, especially because he works in healthcare and has the potential to earn more. I hope that works out within the next two years. I plan to support by upskilling in HR. I’m not a certified HR professional yet, and that’s my next goal. I feel like that’ll increase my chances of getting jobs abroad.
In summary, an ideal future for us would be marriage, working at good jobs outside the country and earning enough money to afford a good life for our future two children. It wouldn’t hurt if we owned two homes (one in Nigeria and one abroad) too.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Name has been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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