Surviving life in the Game of Thrones universe without a dragon, title, exchangeable faces, connections in high places or a shitload of gold must be hard AF! One minute you’re strolling down the streets of Kings Landing eating a slice of pigeon pie, and the next thing you know, a random dragon is flying over the town, turning everyone into asun.
From complicated Targaryen names to church explosions, here are some of the stressful things background characters in the Game of Thrones universe can relate to:
Dragons stepping on you and your family members like cockroaches
Shoutout to Princess Rhaenys and her dragon, Meleys, for that badass moment at Aegon II’s coronation in the ninth episode of House of the Dragon. But, hold up: did anyone else see the way her dragon was trampling on everyone and flinging citizens with its tail unprovoked?
These people were living their best poverty-stricken lives in Flea Bottom before they were forced to watch that dramatic coronation, and now they’re dead. Westerosi life no balance at all.
Cum falling from the sky
Before becoming a serial rapist and king, Aegon II, in episode six of House of the Dragon, showed us one of his hobbies — jerking off while standing on one of the windows of the Red Keep. Eww. That’s how someone will be working to earn their daily 2k, and bam, now you have Aegon II’s cum on your wig. What a life?
Weddings that end with murder and tears
From Rob Stark, Talisa and their unborn child murder at the Red Wedding in Game of Thrones to Ser Leanor’s side piece at his engagement party with Princess Rhaenyra in House of the Dragon, Westerosi royal weddings never end well. Imagine going for a wedding just to end up brutally killed or traumatised over a beef that doesn’t even involve you. The people of Westeros must dread getting wedding invitations at this point.
Getting the suya treatment from Targaryen dragons
Remember when Daenerys Stormborn got on her dragon and burnt thousands of Kings Landing citizens because she was angry?
Even though she had cause to be angry as Cersei had killed her dragon and beheaded her best friend, she could’ve quickly flown to the Red Keep and roasted Cersei instead of involving everyone else in her Iron Throne wahala.
Trying to remember Targaryen names
George R.R. Martin is a brilliant writer, but why does he use the same names over and over again for his Targaryen characters? Is it Aegon or is it Aemond or Daemon? How many Aegons are there? I can’t keep up. The poor people of Westeros must’ve been going through it, trying not to mix these names up. That’s how mandem will end up beheaded because they can’t tell the difference between Princess Rhaenys and Princess Rhaenyra.
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Looking at ugly ass wigs
I’ve complained about the wigs they give the black characters on House of the Dragon. Must be tough living in a city where no one knows how to install a proper Peruvian lace frontal.
Dying in wildfire bomb blasts
I was gagged when Cersei blew up the Great Sept of Baelor in the sixth season of Game of Thrones. This woman and her Rihanna “Take a Bow” wig blew up the Westerosi Vatican like it was nothing.
Even though I still miss my fave opportunist, Margaery Tyrell, so many random civilians were killed in that bomb blast. And all for what? Because they threw shit in her face. It’s not that deep, sis.
Going to war because of someone else’s beef
Please, why am I fighting your soldiers if I don’t have beef with you? These Game of Thrones background characters will be on their own, and the next thing, some lord will ask them to march to battle because they’re his bannermen. What type of unnecessary pressure is this?
Dealing with shitty leaders
If you think Buhari, Goodluck Jonathan and Obasanjo were shitty leaders, then what would the people of Westeros say after surviving the Mad King, Joffrey and Cersei? It’s giving Abacha vibes over and over again.
Dying at any bloody time
If there’s one major takeaway from all of this, it’s that you can die at any bloody time as a civilian in Westeros, and no one will give a rat’s bumbum about it. Honestly, it sounds a lot like another country I know, but let me log off here.
ALSO READ: The Most Annoying Characters on “House of the Dragon”, Ranked
