Big Brother season is upon us. Complete strangers will huddle together in one house for the next three months, and connections will be formed. Some meaningful, some prompted by village people.
This means the time to ship your faves and pray for their eventual marriage is now. So here are a couple things you must have to make it through the new shipping season and get your faves to the altar.
Sleepless nights
Get your coffee, get your kola nut, get gum and use it to hold your eyes open. It doesn’t matter how you do it. Just make sure you reject sleep and keep your eyes glued to your screen so you can defend the agendas when the cock crows.
Holy water
Go to your spiritual leader now, climb that mountain and let them bless your holy liquids — holy water, anointing oil, it doesn’t matter. Bless it and keep it at your side, just in case you have to sprinkle some at your ship and bind the evil lurking around them.
Mint
Your faves might have to wait till they leave the house for endorsements, but our advice is you find a way for Baba Blue or Tom Tom or even Strepsils to endorse you and your new shipping career. Because you will shout and your voice will go. A word is enough for the wise.
Agberos on speed dial
We don’t support violence, but you might want to keep a couple area boys on speed dial for numerous reasons. You might need them to break a bottle on your head so you can forget your ship and the wahala they’ll definitely wreck on you, or you can hire them to go to South Africa and make your ship act right, the choice is yours.
Money
Read the past questions, ask around, fan love is the best love. You can’t join a ship without having a lofty amount saved in the bank. How do you want to send money cakes and bouquets? How do you want to show your ship you are for them? How are you going to plan their wedding?
Support group
You will cry. Okay, we didn’t mean it like that. You will cry, and you will ask God why, but you don’t have to do it alone? Find your tribe, create a WhatsApp group, host weekly brunches, just find people to keep your misery company.
Therapist on speed dial
We care about your mental health, so yes, find a therapist that won’t judge you and your… life-changing pastime. You’ll need it to heal on the worse days.
