The next time artists have a score to settle with each other, instead of posting long, subliminal insults on social media or making diss tracks, they should try these more interesting, quicker methods.
Call first
Consider a call to iron things out in-house before doing your dirty laundry outside.
Pray like a warrior
Pray for the heart of your opp to be softened. Or copy Elijah and invite your opp to an open space then loudly pray, “Send down fire!” For this to work, you must be a child of God. If you’re not, see the next option.
Impersonate each other
If like Prettyboy D-O and OdumoduBlvck, comparison is the reason for your beef, this is for you. Swap lives for a day or two and adopt each other’s style. Go to each other’s studio sessions, attend each other’s shows and interviews. The best impersonator is the fraud because why can you impersonate your opp so effortlessly if you weren’t trying to be like them already?
Go on an ultimate search
The beefing artists should just embark on a treasure hunt to confirm who’s the winner of the beef.
“Verzuz”
Get fans from both sides in a large space, perform your best music and see who reigns supreme.
Mouth wash
Has it occured to you that the reason one person moves like they’ll punch their opp in the mouth is because someone’s talking actual shit? To settle scores, do an oral test. The person with the worst mouth odour loses the beef.
A dambe match
Fix a boxing match to knock out your beef in the Hausa martial art style. The man standing over the knocked-out guy wins the beef. We recommend the hard ground under Ojuelegba bridge as a suitable venue.
“Old West” style
Invite your opp to the outskirts of town, then attach a revolver and holster to your waists. Play a song like Davido’s Fem, and as soon as it ends, whoever draws their gun quicker lives wins.
