The Big Brother House prides itself as a house of premium drama. Sometimes they give us this drama, sometimes not. But imagine the level of drama that will happen if Nigerian mothers get into that house. Just imagine it.
1. The house will open with morning devotion everyday.
It will last about two hours or more. They will commit the organisers of the show into God’s hands, they will pray against evil spirit, they will pray for grace to win, they will also pray for the nation. Just as they are rounding up, someone will say they should pray for their families at home, and everyone will start again.
2. While all the mothers are avoiding the workout session, there will be that overzealous mother.
Mama no regret. Age is nothing but a number. She will most likely be Igbo.
3. There will definitely be house chores wahala. The whole house cannot be cleaning while Mummy Junior is sleeping. Are we her slave?
And this is how wahala will start.
4. Somebody will remind Big Brother that she has given birth to children his age.
In other words, mind how you talk to me. That I’m in this house does not mean I don’t have other things to do oh.
5. There will be talk about someone’s food not being sweet.
And then the cook will hear it and wahala go start afresh.
6. Diary sessions will look like this.
And then there will be transfer of aggression.
7. And yes, somebody’s mother will beat another person’s mother.
A fight which, naturally, will spread outside the house so that Mother A will tell her children not to greet Mother B. My enemy is my children’s enemy kind of thing.
8. There will be oppression too. Na my lace fine pass your own and other shenanigans.
Does this scene not look like that?
9. Friday parties be like…
Diggit diggit.
10. When a mother is evicted, expect premium tea.
In two years, she will publish a book about how BBNaija is something from the marine kingdom.
11. Did we mention anything about nicknames?
JesusMummy; AngelGrace; Classic Woman; Virtuous Lady; DaughterOfGrace; Ayaba; Lolo; Queen; MummyJ, and maybe, just maybe, Madam Saje.
