Nollywood has produced iconic villains over the years. From the seductress who might turn into a snake and eat your destiny to the street lord who can crush your skull with a flick of their wrist, you name it, and Nollywood’s done it.
Now, every time a new Nollywood movie comes out, we all argue about who’ll beat who.
As the peacemakers we are, we’ve decided to settle this once and for all.
Scar from Shanty Town vs Makanaki from King of Boys
We don’t think Scar would ever have the mind to leave his Shanty town and move into Makanaki’s terrain. But if, for some reason, this ever happened, these two would have a full-out turf war. Their seconds-in-command, Oja and Colorado, would fight it out, while Scar, feeling like the baddest, would try a one-on-one confrontation with Makanaki, leading to his severed head landing at Makanaki’s feet. Because did you really think Oja and her sword would fight with Colorado for more than three minutes?
Winner: Makanaki
Reason: Scar is a street lord who’s scared of his boss, Chief Fernandez. Dame Dabota kidnapped him like she was a LAWMA agent picking up trash and threatened him into doing her bidding. But when Makanaki was in full-out war with the oga who taught him all he knew, Eniola Salami went for prayers to fortify herself against him.
Who was going to win?
Dame Maduka from Merry Men vs Dame Dabota from Shanty Town
They’d fight for political power. Dame Maduka would want to retain her place among the political elite, and Dame Dabota would have none of it.
Winner: Dame Dabota
Reason: Dame Maduka may look like the obvious winner because of her escape from federal custody. But, we have to consider this fact, the woman is surrounded by people who don’t exactly care about her, it’ll be easy for Dame Dabota to repeat what she did with Scar and get them to handle Dame Maduka on her behalf.
Uduak Ademola from Blood Sisters vs Eniola Salami from King of Boys
Very unlikely, but knowing Uduak, if they ever met, she’d think Eniola Salami below her and sneer her way into beef.
Winner: Eniola Salami
Reason: It’s Eniola Salami. The King of Boys would ignore Uduak and her low-budget John Wick assassin, Uncle B, while she deals with more important things. But when she’s finally ready for them?
Odogwu Malaysia from King of Boys vs Knight from Sugar Rush
Odogwu Malaysia and Knight would work together for a while, until the foolishness of their boys causes beef.
Winner: Odogwu Malaysia
Reason: Odogwu Malay thinks of his men as family, one of them would mess up around Knight’s money, and Knight’ll do too much in retaliation. Odogwu Malaysia would have to show him exactly why he has a seat at Eniola Salami’s table.
Anikulapo from Sugar Rush vs Chief Fernandez from Shanty Town
Anikulapo and Chief Fernandez would run in the same circle, but it’ll be a very haughty, catty relationship. Chief Fernandez would run for governor in their state, but Anikulapo would want his candidate in office, and that’s how their fight would start. While they’re fighting each other, Dame Dabota’s person would win the seat.
Winner: Nil
Reason: For starters, Anikulapo was once outsmarted by three sisters and two federal agents who were the butt of their organisation’s jokes, and Chief Fernandez was caught and sent to prison. Outside their love for bulletproof jazz, these two aren’t the smartest peas in the pod.
Government from Far From Home vs Nze from Rattlesnake: The Ahanna Story
Government would give Nze his drugs to sell, and Nze being who he is, would break Government’s number one rule, “Never use the product”. Nze would try to outrun Government, but he’d simply take Amara, Nze’s sister, and wait for Nze to come running back.
Winner: Nze
Reason: Government’s biggest weakness is Oga Rambo and his wandering eye. He’d fall head over heels for Amara (have you seen that babe?), and she’d help him make so much money he’d put her in charge of the business. Amara would end up opening the door to the armadas (Nze’s group of criminal friends), and they’d clean Government and Oga Rambo out and leave them in their hyena’s cage.
Shadow from Brotherhood vs Ahanna from Rattlesnake: The Ahanna Story
Shadow and Ahanna would admire each other from a distance. They’d during a heist and would have no choice but to get into a shootout.
Winner: Nil
Reason: They’d try to continue with the mission. But Izra, best in betrayal, would shoot them both dead and leave with the money.
The Invisible Man from Soole vs Male Saint from Dwindle
These two would work together but hate each other deeply. They’d eventually get into a blowout about the most minute thing — the gin Invisible man hid in his drawer.
Winner: Male Saint
Reason: Something about Male Saint’s quiet composure. Also, his juju-working mother would most likely know another way to kill the Invisible man that wouldn’t include a virgin’s piss.
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