Have you all noticed how Nigerian artists like to shout, “Folake!” unprovoked? Wizkid kept disturbing her to Pakurumo, Tekno kept begging her to love him like an annoying Old Nollywood campus pest and now, Pheelz and BNXN have turned her name into a national anthem in Finesse. Does every artist know a Folake or are they just on a mission to stress everyone with that name? We may never know. But so that this babe can rest and the lyrical breakfast can reach everyone, here’s an interesting list of names our favourite artists should explore.
Think outside the box for diversity sake.
1. Igboransanjueborurulo
This name means “Obedience is better than sacrifice”. While it sounds like the warning principals always give SS3 students after accusing them for being the worst senior set the school has ever seen, it could totally work in a love song as well. Our artists just need to think outside the box and experiment a little. Who’s going to go first? Davido? Wande Coal? Zinolesky? Let’s make it happen.
2. Kosisochukwumakasiweme
Nigerian artists, please, I dare you, do it! Lyricist up and down but you cannot find something that rhymes with Kosisochukwumakasiweme? Please, rise and don’t waste our money!
3. Zubaydah
This name is giving wealth, henna and Senator’s daughter. And to be honest, there isn’t a lot of Northern representation in mainstream Nigerian music. If musicians are not disturbing Folake, they’re shouting Amaka’s name and after that, they just jump to Vanessa. It’s time to switch it up.
4. Ramota
Have you met a Ramota that is less than 45? If you have, then, omo, you’ve come in contact with the Last Airbender. Ramota is always an aunty. So while young artists like Pheelz and BNXN can’t shout this name anyhow out of respect, I’d like to call our daddies in music: 2Baba and Pasuma to the high table to give these aunties the much-needed representation they deserve.
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5. Enobong
In his original song, Gift, Iyanya sang “Gift, put off the light”, but imagine if he sang “Enobong, put off the light” instead. Now that sound like a banger I’d be into. If you don’t get the gist by now, Enobong means “God’s gift”, so basically, Iyanya would’ve been saying the same thing. So can we get a remix or something? Iyanya and Don Jazzy, what’s good?
6. Agamadotuigwekuwamaranamuagbaliala
No, I’m not even playing, this is a real name. According to Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, his law school classmate went by this name and it apparently loosely translates to: “I will pull down the heavens so the world will know I tried”. The meaning alone sounds like the story of a Nigerian love song. Inject it!
7. Esukpofo
Sounds like the name of someone who ties China white, puts some leaves in their mouths and goes to drop a calabash of boiled yam and red oil at the nearest junction. Don’t blame me; blame Yoruba films for giving me these scarry ass visuals. But does this mean ritualists don’t deserve love? Please and please, let’s fix this.
8. Odinaka
I sort of get why artists are afraid of shouting this name repeatedly. Folake sounds like a soft babe, while Odinaka sounds like a no-nonsense babe who consumes three bottles of stout with hot akpu in the morning. If you say one, she’d probably say two and beat you on top. Since Davido is now a gym bro, he should be the one to try this name first. Take risks and succeed sir.
9. Yebojinsoko
Adding my name to the mix because I, too, would like to shake my bumbum and do low-budget Dorime while my name is blasting in the club. What happened to the representation we’ve been fighting for?
10. Bisola
Bisola is simple and cute. She literally sounds like she could be Folake’s sister or roommate. With all the love and attention these artists have been pouring on Folake and she’s probably airing them, I’d advise that they refocus on Bisola abeg. One day, Folake might actually be jealous and look your way. Delay is not denial.
CONTINUE READING: 10 Nigerian Names That Don’t Belong to Babies
