Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.
Today, I’ll be recapping the BBNaija Lockdown reunion episode featuring Ka3na’s bizarre friendship demands and the Lucy and Kaisha fight.
As the episode starts, we see that the lineup has changed again and that everyone has had an outfit change. Ebuka says this episode will address all the drama that’s happened since they left the house. He calls on Ka3na, saying that post-BBN drama can’t be discussed without her. At this point, I’m thinking it’s going to be a short segment for her because she was only in the house for two weeks and can’t have that much beef.
Wrong.
Ebuka reveals that Ka3na unfollowed all of the housemates on social media except for Prince, Dorathy, and Kiddwaya. When Ebuka asks to know why, Ka3na says it’s because those three are the only people she bonded with during her short stay in the house, and who didn’t say shit about her when she was evicted. Tolanibaj announces that the reason she suspects Ka3na unfollowed all the other housemates is because they attended Nengi’s birthday party. Ka3na tries to deny this but Praise jumps in to say that Ka3na’s problem is that she lives by the Inherited Beef code.
Ka3na agrees and defends herself by saying:
Even though I already know what a frenemy is, I look it up anyway because I suspect she used it wrong.
I was right.
Ka3na says she needs to able to comfortably confide in her friends, so she can’t be friends with you if you’re friends with someone she hates. She lets everyone know that she doesn’t have a lot of friends because of this and that she’s a mother and businesswoman. Because that’s her entire personality at this point.
The last line of this tweet will make sense in a bit.
Wathoni joins in and says that the reason she believes Ka3na went on an unfollowing spree is that the other housemates weren’t replying to her comments on their posts. Ka3na claims this isn’t true but in the same breath, says she unfollowed Laycon because he wasn’t liking the congratulatory comments she left on his posts when he won. Laycon is like:
Laycon apologises to her sha.
Ebuka asks Ka3na about her close friendship with Lucy. Ka3na explains that she and Lucy were best friends in the house but things went sour a few weeks after Lucy got evicted. When Ebuka asks her what exactly killed the friendship, Ka3na says what she and Lucy had was more than friendship. Then adds this:
Lucy is like:
Amidst tears, Ka3na expresses that she wanted a commitment and loyalty from Lucy. Lucy is understandably perplexed and screams:
And Ka3na is like:
Lucy demands to know why Ka3na is demanding commitment from her like they’re a romantic couple. Ka3na insists that this is about platonic friendship and that a lack of communication from Lucy’s end is why the friendship ended. Lucy recounts the story of how she woke up one day to find out that Ka3na had unfollowed her for no reason. As Lucy is talking, Vee is seated next to her with a look that clearly says:
After trying (and failing) to explain her point to everyone, Ka3na walks off the set to have a mini-breakdown.
She returns a few minutes later to continue the argument. Even though she said earlier that her being upset with Lucy had nothing to do with Lucy’s friendship with anyone, she admits that it’s because Lucy became friends with Nengi again — after Lucy and Negi fought in the house — and didn’t tell her. Here’s what I imagine the other housemates were thinking during all this:
The argument ends without a resolution. Ebuka shifts the episode’s proceedings to the convoluted beef involving Kaisha and Ka3na. From what I gather, they were at a post-BBN party that also had Kaisha’s sister and mother in attendance. Kaisha’s mother wanted to take a picture with Ka3na so Ka3na asked Kaisha’s mother to come over to where she was sitting to take the pictures. Kaisha saw this as disrespect and, in retaliation, angrily flicked Ka3na’s forehead in front of everyone. After arguing for a while, Kaisha decides that she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, warning everyone to keep her mother’s name out of their mouths. Lucy mentions Kaisha’s mother a few seconds later and Kaisha hurls a throw pillow at her because of it. Lucy immediately goes into she-hulk mode and whoops Kaisha’s ass. The episode cuts to commercial just before the first slap lands but pictures of the fight leaked.
Gaze upon Miss Lucy in all her glory:
These photos need to be framed and put up in the Louvre because baby, THIS IS ART!
The episode ends with a 10-minute long screaming match between Ka3na and Tochi. Tochi tries to let Ka3na know that cutting people off for random reasons like Edward Scissorhands isn’t a good way for a human to live. Ka3na refuses to hear word and claims that Tochi is just bitter because he’s craving the social media clout their old interactions on the timeline gave him. This is how the argument ends:
