Over the years, I’ve realised that you don’t need to have money or wear designer clothes to stand out at events. With the 2022 Lagos Fashion Design Week running from the 27th to the 30th of October, I’ve come up with a list of household items that could easily double as fashion statements to steal the show and land you on best-dressed lists everywhere.
Thank me later.
Grass
This right here is iconic. I don’t know how the designer pulled it off, but they obviously don’t have two heads, so there’s nothing stopping you. Rainy season has refused to end, which means there’s a lot of grass around you. You can make an up-and-down grass fit. It’s the true definition of going green, and I love it.
A Raincoat
I’ve always believed raincoats are outfits in their own right. A typical raincoat has sleeves, a hoodie and sometimes, pockets. What else do you need? So all I’m asking you to do here is take your raincoat to the local tailor in our area and ask him to make this design. Please and please, sit beside that tailor until they’re done, so you don’t end up doing What I ordered vs What I got.
The trash in your bin
This outfit is how we’ll end global warming, trust me. Nigeria has a waste control problem, and a dress like this is the best way to recycle the waste in your house and do your part to fight global warming. You’ll be doing a lot for the environment than those celebrities who do adverts and donate money towards fighting global warming, but still use private jets from Lagos to Abuja.
The actual bin
Why stop at the trash in your waste bin when you could be innovative AF and turn the whole waste bin (and that black nylon, too) into a cocktail dress? You can also complete the look with a hat even Princess Diana would be jealous of?
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Your bed
This is for people who like to leave events early because they want to sleep. With this outfit, you get to kill two birds with one stone: You steal the show and get everyone talking about how “avant-garde” you are, and when your social battery starts to run out, you can just lie down in your mobile bed. Win-win.
Mosquito net
With a fabulous mosquito net fit, you can catch the attention of the fashion community, the internet and maybe your crush. Yes, I think that’s a valid enough reason to try this. If you get malaria because you used your only net to make an outfit, well, that’s a small price to pay for being a fashion icon.
All your school bags
Ignore all the fashion people that pretend like one bag — or those tiny Jacquemus bags — are enough for fashion week. Where will you put all your stress, lies, lip balm, white handkerchief and Chicken Republic chickwizz? You need all the space you can get, so get inspired by this model and wear all the bags in your house. Borrow from your neighbours if you have to.
Toilet paper
Kindly note that the toilet paper used for this fabulous pantsuit hasn’t been used. I repeat, IT HASN’T BEEN USED. Because I don’t need anyone pulling up to the Zikoko office to say we advised them to use stained toilet paper for an outfit. I’m only asking you to use clean toilet paper. I’m not crazy.
A bag of rice
If there’s one thing Nigerians never get tired of, it’s rice. Rice is everywhere, whether it’s Jollof, fried, concoction or local. This means that finding an old bag of rice will not be a problem. Plus, the colour of the sack is a perfect shade to compliment your melanin. These things are essential.
Someone else
If none of the other suggestions lands you on a “best street style” page, wear someone else. There’s no way you’ll wear someone, and heads won’t turn to look at you. This is the fit to end all fits.
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