Are you a newbie looking to become a star in the Nigerian music scene? We have a guide to help you navigate the industry.
Always throw salutes
Be humble. As you climb from grass to grace, make sure you’re giving Nigerians double tuale with a sprinkle of no shaking to remind them they don’t have to worry about you switching up one day and start acting bougie. You’re a man of the people. Learn from 2Baba, kill your haters with one love.
Be free-spirited
Next step is to surround yourself with like 30 people, eat together from the same plate and sleep on the same bed. Also, pay people’s house rent. Make sure to link up and collaborate with other acts. If not, they’ll talk and talk till you vex and tell them to fem.
Say no to being underrated
What you won’t accept when you blow, don’t allow now that you’re still begging people to listen to your music, i.e., don’t allow your name to be written in small fonts. If the show promoters refuse, drag them on social media. Nothing do you.
Look the part
Start saving for your Cuban link, Rolex, designer earrings and clothes now. They’re important accessories. Or do you want to be addressed like you’re hustling for a selfie with stars?
Be controversial
Your method of controversy is up to you. But when we see you from afar, we should always smell the scent of wahala wahala. If not, out of sight is out of mind.
Have money, dear
Or be a trust fund baby. Blowing up isn’t beans.
Or have a sob story
Do you remember the times you trekked to school without shoes or slippers? Or when you had no soup to eat your eba? Remind us all the time, before people mistake you for a trust fund kid.
Fake your death
If you’re serious about being famous and all other means have failed, this can be a last resort. You can also fake your own kidnapping and plaster #FreeKinikan with your face around your city and social media.
Arrive late to every show
Keep the people that bought tickets to watch you waiting for a few hours. Let them anticipate your presence. When you get on stage, blame the bad sound system. You’re in Nigeria, people’ll eat it up. That’s how stars do.
Use streaming farm
If you want to be an Apple Music or Spotify top charter and celebrate three billion streams when next you drop a single, pay the machines to become the most streamed Nigerian artist. Like play, you might even be on Billboard.
