Nigeria gives off simulation vibes, so it’s no wonder half the population clings to the “reality” reality TV shows offer.
It may feel like there’s nothing real in reality TV, but what we actually care about is the drama and messiness of it all. Here’s a ranking of the reality shows Nigeria has given us so far, from clean AF to as messy as the last presidential elections.
“Real Housewife of Lagos”
These “real” housewives will fight over any and everything on TV. And if that isn’t enough, they’ll take that fight to the internet and cuss each other out in real-time.
Drama has never looked so good.
Messiness scale: 10
There’s nothing clean or out-of-bounds out of bounds with this show. It’s so messy you’ll think they dipped it in a LAWMA truck. It might be scripted, but they’re doing their best to bring that script to life. We might as well give them an Oscar.
“Young, Famous and African”
We saw the lineup for this show and really thought that everything was going to be fine? We’ve never been happier to be wrong.
From the bad wigs to the trifling men to Swanky Jerry’s shocking style, “Young, Famous, and African” — they were really just slightly famous and African — came with enough drama to fill our young Oliver Twist hearts.
Messiness scale: 10
This show is messier than the current state of Nigeria. And that’s saying a lot.
“Big Brother Naija”
Every season, the producers put the most unhinged people in Big Brother’s house, spray something in the air, wish Biggie good luck and run away. That’s the only possible explanation for all the chaos and romantic relationships that have ensued in that house so far.
Messiness scale: 9
Every season, the contestants come into the house unashamed and unafraid of a little mudslinging, and we’ll always be here for it.
“Ebuka Turns up Africa”
What are the odds that Ebuka and his merry gang of explorers would give us Real Housewives-worthy drama? From Timini and Zubby’s dick-measuring contest to Jimmy and Timini’s subtle jabs to Timini going off at Ebuka and offering to refund whatever was spent on the trip. We got more than we bargained for with this show, and now that we think of it, Timini was the main culprit. The “Real Housewives of Lagos” producers must offer Timini a spot on the next season. If Dr. Rommel can do it, he can too.
Messiness scale: 8
Timini took all the internet drags and insults he’d gotten over the years and poured them into the show. We’re not mad about it; they should turn up Europe next and double the drama.
“Big Brother Titans”
Do you see how we’ve separated Big Brother Naija from Big Brother Titans? That’s because they can never be the same thing. The show tried to maximise the joint slay of BBMzansi and BBNaija and fell short of expectations.
Messiness scale: 7
We won’t say some of the housemates didn’t do their best to give us the drama we signed up for, but compared to Big Brother Naija, they were a slight stain.
“Real Housewife of Abuja”
There’s obviously something in the Lagos air that makes everyone cling to messiness and drama, and this show made that clear. Don’t get us wrong; it was nice to see the housewives look like actual housewives living in luxury. But other than that, the Abuja gang weren’t half as chaotic as their Lagos counterparts.
Messiness scale: 6
They tried their best to give us some sort of drama, but even the reunion didn’t bang like it should’ve.
Get your tickets here for a day of fun, networking and partayyyyy
“Ultimate Love”
Big Brother’s children kept falling in love in his house, so the producers thought they could turn the house into Love Island for a hot minute. They shouldn’t have bothered
Messiness scale: 5
They should’ve rubbed the muddy waters of the Lagos dating scene on the house walls. Maybe then we would’ve gotten more than what the contestants gave.
“Bae Beyond Borders”
The producers saw that Big Brother Titans had half of Nigeria’s populace upset and came up with a show to matchmake South African women with Nigerian men. But they brought a group of people who couldn’t find drama even if it was staring them in the face and didn’t even care enough about our entertainment to at least give them a script when they saw how dry they were.
Messiness scale: 4
They brought Eric of BBN back, and he couldn’t even redeem himself after flopping out of Biggie’s house.
