The streets are crazy, but every now and again, you find someone sensible that doesn’t make you want to count all the sand on Elegushi Beach. Someone that makes you temporarily forget that sporting waves is now ₦7,100, spaghetti is ₦1,400, and your country is the weapon fashioned against you.
We’re not saying you’ve met them yet, but when you do, these are the first dates you should take them on.
Traffic navigation
You need to test if they can hold your hand through the tough and difficult situations and guide you right. The best way to do that is by finding the tightest gathering of cars and helping everyone find their way out.
Play bus driver and conductor
We don’t know how you’ll find a bus for free, but when you do, hop in there with your almost bae and be the bus driver to their conductor. You’ll earn money, see the city you’re in and find out if their social skills are in the gutter.
Plan a heist
It really depends on the city you’re in. A heist would be great, but a regular robbery works just as well. Send them into any money making establishment of your choosing and stay right outside as their get away driver. You’ll show them how trustworthy you are and that your driving skills aren’t shit.
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Spend the day in court
You could watch trials and figure out which crimes you would get away with and why, or you could stand outside and give people unsolicited advice on how they can get their loved ones out of the kasala they’ve fallen into.
Go to random construction sites
If you love art or you’re a very judgemental person, take your almost bae to a random construction site and critique everything, from the shape of the house, to the cement being used, to the way the workers are moving the materials.
Follow cars around
If you have a car and enough fuel in it, get in there with the unfortunate soul that has fallen into your trap and just follow cars around. You’ll get to see what weird shit people get up to, or someone will get down from their car and ask you why you’re being a creep. Either way, you’ll both have an experience.
Go to a wedding
We suggest you attend a random one, where neither you or your date know the bride and groom, sit at the back and yell, “I object” when it’s time. You’ll add a lovely spark to people’s special day and possibly get your ass handed to you.
Sip and paint
Find a building that is already being painted and ask the painters if they’ll give you a section to work on. They might say no, but if they say yes, buy sachet gin, get into your most dispensable clothes and start working.
Late night walks
We suggest you only do this if you’ve spoken to potential bae long enough that you trust each other. Wake up at 11:50 p.m, get into your car, drive to your closest cemetery, wait till 2:50 a.m andjust walk around. Bonus points to your date if they caress the headstones while they walk.
Go to the hospital
Think of it like an excursion. Go to the hospital, sit in the waiting area and simply guess why everyone’s there. It’ll show how smart your date is and if you’re in safe hands.
