TW: Suicide.
Life after a break-up can bring the worst out of us, especially if the break-up hurts more than expected. For this article, I spoke to 11 Nigerians about the worst thing they have ever done after a break-up. The answers prove something you might already know: break-ups don’t always sit right with us, and sometimes, we will do the most to get our partner back or get over them.
Michelle.
The heartbreak came from this person I dated for the longest period of time. We started dating two months to my 18th birthday, and the relationship lasted till I was 29 years old. That’s about 11 years of my life spent in one relationship with one person. Before university, he was there. University, he was there. After university, he was there. I had no reason to think anything was going to go wrong.
And then one blessed morning during the lockdown of 2020, he woke up and said, “I can’t do this anymore.” I nearly ran mad. Actually, scrap that. I ran mad. April and May 2020 remain a blur. For two months, I wasn’t normal. I cried everyday for five months. I would be inside a keke and be shedding tears, inside the bus and inside the church, I was shedding hot tears. Any song comes on like this, fresh tears would start. I don’t fast, but I fasted because of this man. I became a drunkard, and had a psychotic breakdown. I was on Olanzapine for about two weeks.
Uzoamaka.
When my ex cheated on me, I was pregnant. I was going through a lot then, and I used to blame myself, but now I blame hormones. When the cheating happened, I tried to kill myself. I was very suicidal prior to us being together so news of his infidelity was like a trigger. I ended up having a miscarriage. We are back together and I’m pregnant again, but I will be honest, I am scared shitless that he might cheat on me again.
Solape.
I met this guy shortly before graduating from university and I told him I didn’t have much time left in Cyprus since it was my last semester and I thought I would be back in Nigeria right after graduating. But COVID happened. He said we should date for the six months I had left and I happily agreed. Big error. This guy broke up with me on the day the relationship clocked six months. He said shebi it was six months we agreed to. Apparently, he was doing a countdown for the six months.
I have never been that heartbroken. It was so bad, I used to wake up to cry. He knew how much I liked him and he took advantage of it and I also let him. After we broke-up, we would hang out together, and he would tell me about the girls he was seeing and I’d be listening patiently while dying inside and pining for him. One time, I even made a playlist for one of his babes because I wanted him to still be in my life. My friends didn’t hear the last of his name, neither did my notes app. I was always documenting how I was hurting and I was always going back. I had no self-worth and I was willing to lose whatever dignity I had left. It really was the worst time of my life.
Yakaka.
The recent heartbreak was like 5 weeks ago sha. I was with my partner for almost nine months and it was really great but we had to end things. I always told myself that I was prepared for anything that comes because things end and life goes on. Omo, the day we ended things, I cried but after that I poured myself into other things and stopped paying attention to the pain. But see ehn, for the past three weeks, I’ve been a mess. I dey waka on road dey cry. I nor fit sleep for night. I have the video of all of our time together on replay in my head and it’s on a loop, these past days I’ve lost my appetite.
I have this overwhelming sadness that’s crippling, and I have no idea how to fix it. I’m just here, crying to bed and crying all through the day. It feels like I will never heal from this one. Almost looks like this is the end of the road for me. I never knew loving this person would hurt this much; in fact, I never even knew I was this in love with them. Yes, love is sweet, but when it ends, the sadness and pain it brings is a good enough reason to never fall in love again.
Binta.
When this guy asked me out for the first time, I didn’t like him. But he liked me, so I accepted. Two months into the relationship, I realised I had fallen for him, and that was when he started messing up big time. I would call him and he wouldn’t pick, I’d text and he would not respond. I struggled and managed the relationship till it was five months old. During the lockdown, everything ended. I called him a day to my birthday to inform him that my birthday was coming up the next day. I kid you not, his next words were, “Really? I don’t believe you.” Lo and behold, he neither called nor texted on my birthday. I decided to end it then. There was no official break-up, I stopped calling or texting and he never followed up. I loved him but I was hurting, and I discovered the musician Ali Gatie around this time. 1am in the midnight, I’d be mouthing the lyrics and crying over a guy who stopped loving me the moment I fell for him. I’ve healed now, but it was a sore pain that year.
Gloria.
You know how people advice against office relationships? Well, I never used to buy into the idea. Then someone joined a sister company to our parent company and was showing signs that he wanted to be with me. Apparently, he had even buzzed me a year before, but I didn’t respond because I was going through a lot at that point. This time when he joined the company and showed further interest, I discussed it with my colleagues and I was told to give it a try, that a couple of people have met their significant other in the workplace. So I did.
At that time, I was travelling a lot and couldn’t spend a lot of time with him, but every time I got back, I made sure to spend time at his house or him at mine. While I was away, my colleagues started giving me reports about seeing my boyfriend making moves and going to lunch with a particular intern that just joined us. I didn’t want to believe it, so I confronted him and he said he liked her as a colleague.
I started to observe them: after work, she would wait for him, walk to his table, yet he kept reassuring me that nothing was happening, so I gave him benefit of the doubt. One day, a work event came up and I used the opportunity to ask the intern if she knew I was dating him. Her response was that she had no idea of such a thing happening; besides, they were just colleagues who simply enjoyed each other’s company. I asked her if she had his phone number and she denied it.
On National Boyfriend Day, I posted a picture of myself and him. His face wasn’t even showing. His wristwatch was the only thing showing and I used a smiley to cover it. Next thing I got was a DM from him, asking me to take it down. He was upset and started throwing tatrums, so I took it down. That was the beginning of the problems. He started to say he needed space and was having mental health issues, and when I asked where all of this was coming from, he started lying and saying he was unavailable. By this time, the entire office had started to notice that something was going on between us and the intern started making it obvious that they were together. They would go for lunch and all. Again, I asked him if anything was going on and he denied it, so I decided to do my investigation.
I found out that he told this girl that we were not dating and he caused beef between the babe and I. Soon, it started to take a toll on my emotions and the quality of my work. Even while I was going through this, I thought it was just her. As time went on, truth came out that he was cheating with another person, and that made two babes who worked in my office: the intern and the other lady. They were both in disbelief when I told them about it. It became crazy at that point. How do you cheat on me with two of my colleagues and lie to them that you were not dating me when clearly, you asked for a relationship and decided to give you a try as my first office relationship?
It got to me so bad that I went on a rampage and started talking to anybody who was willing to listen. It scarred me so much I started to believe that any guy who came to me wanted me for just arm candy purposes. It fucked up my trust issues too.
Dapo.
In university, I dated this babe for a month and two days and we broke up because of religious differences. We decided to stay friends, but I wanted her back. That was the beginning of my foolishness. I bent over backwards for this babe. It was terrible. At some point, she would tease me so much I would get aroused. When I asked for sex, she would laugh and say, “Oh, but we are just friends.” From year two to year four, I devoted my life to getting her to like me. She used me to catch cruise and I was still there. I was depressed, suicidal, but nothing changed. Glad to have gotten control of my life now.
Feyi.
My best friend and I had a fight and stopped talking for a month. Two weeks after we stopped talking, I broke up with my boyfriend. He told me he wouldn’t talk to her either because it didn’t seem right to him. I told him I didn’t want him to “inherit my beef.” He said he wasn’t inheriting anything, he just didn’t find it appropriate. One day, I saw a picture of the both of them on his status. I texted him, “I thought you both were not talking, how come she travelled from her school to meet you?” He said its a coincidence, but later I found out they were staying together. And yet, he called it a coincidence.
Eventually, I texted her to clear the air about our fight. Three days after that, my boyfriend texted me saying he had something to tell me. He told me that their meeting wasn’t coincidental, but that they met so they could heal from what happened between three of us. He then goes on to say that these past few weeks with her has been the best of his life and that he loves her more. The text was very professional, and I said, “Oh okay,” out of pure shock. At first the effect didn’t get to me until the next day. I had to text her that we couldn’t be friends anymore. Much later, I posted stuff on my status and my ex replied. His tone was condescending, so I told him to stop texting me. “The only thing I want from you is your Netflix password,” I said. His reply was, “Why exactly are you upset?” That was when I blocked him.
Tope.
He was cheating on me with his “bestie”, the same girl he told me not to worry about. When I found out, he said he would have to let me go, so he could focus solely on her. I begged him to date us both, that I didn’t mind. He agreed at first, but then he stopped talking to me altogether. Still, I went to our mutual friend and asked him to plead on my behalf. I said I did not mind his cheating habits, I just wanted him to stay. After that, I broke down; I stopped eating or going out. I would be indoors all day crying and listening to gospel songs. I eventually snapped one day and had to move on because I realised he was over me.
Habeebah.
We had been dating from 100 level; in 400 level, he developed feelings for another girl and I became the side. I wanted to be sure, so I checked his phone and I got proof that I had indeed been replaced by this new girl. I even downloaded a tracker to monitor his phone. After I saw what my eyes were looking for, I confronted him, but he turned it around. He said there was nothing between them, and that I was just making things up. Yet, they still had long calls, he celebrated her birthday for her and once, he asked me not to come around because she was coming to see him. Ah. I went to his place oh, but he locked his door and went to sleep. I started acting like a mad person. I opened his window and started throwing stones into the room, I even poured sand. That was the last straw, I guess.
Shoutout to Sia’s ”Big girls Cry” and “Broken Glass.” Both songs were on repeat with tears in my eyes. I’m better now, though. Funny thing is that we still talk.
Felicia.
I had a bestie back in school. We were super close. Everyone knew us as besties, even my family. We had a stormy period like most friendships do, and we weren’t really hanging out as much. In my head, she was still my bestie sha, nothing could change that. I’d never stop being there or looking out for her.
Fast forward to a couple of years later, I found out she was secretly dating my ex and when I confronted her about it, she lied about it. I confirmed from her new “boyfriend”, and when I got told her I knew about the relationship, and I wasn’t even mad about it cos I was done with my ex but as my friend she should have been honest with me.
That was when I was told that we hadn’t really been friends for a long time, not to talk of besties.
I was heartbroken for a whole year. She was the first friend I ever made so it hurt like hell.
Since then, no more bestie abeg!
