Moyin* (22) was mentally and physically exhausted during their final year at university, riddled with anxiety and overwhelmed by the mounting pressure to do well. But after an LSD trip, a moment of sudden clarity made them decide to drop out of school to find peace.
Trigger warning: substance use, anxiety, depression
This is Moyin’s story as told to Betty
In 2023, after months of constant anxiety about my life, my worsening school results and my self-worth, a friend sent me some tabs of LSD as a gift because I’d mentioned wanting to experiment. It was my first time using the drug, and the experience was… intense.
Before this, I was trying to navigate everything that I’d been avoiding for months: my dating habits, my erratic relationship with my mother, the rest of my family, myself and my sense of self-worth. I was especially coming to terms with how I tied my worth to how well I was doing at school and work.
I’ve read about how LSD influences brain activity, and looking back, something about that trip made it hard to deny that I was very, very tired, burnt out and depressed.
I was moving around with so much anxiety in my bones. I remember leaving my hostel after my final 300-level papers and feeling lighter, only for the anxiety to return threefold the next semester when it was time to start my project.
After the trip, I couldn’t ignore my body anymore. I couldn’t pretend any longer that it made sense to sit in a class, take assignments and get anxious about them. I’d already missed three exams the previous school year because of anxiety, and I didn’t carry much hope for this one.
I was diagnosed with anxiety in 2019 and was getting treatment, but it didn’t feel like my meds were working. My brain constantly felt like it was deep-fried.
So, I skipped my first 400-level papers after missing weeks of classes and assignments. I scrounged up the courage to tell my dad I needed a breather from school in the meantime. He took it very well. He wasn’t upset. He said he’d known something was wrong for a while and was waiting for me to admit that I’d had enough.
So, I took a year off — a very difficult year — to let myself be depressed and feel everything. I used that time away from academic pressure to fully sit with my sadness, ask the hard questions I had been avoiding, and begin to process it all.
Now, I’m less attached to school and what it says about me. I’m learning to come to terms with my disability and that my life might not always follow the path that I want. I also discovered that I work better around people I like.
I’ve come back to retake my final year as a much better student. I’m doing more assignments and asking for help. One of my biggest problems has always been shame — the shame of needing help, the shame of not being the best student in the class or at least one of the top three.
I understand now that getting an education from a Nigerian university isn’t the measure of how far I’ll go in life. Shame isn’t necessary, but it’s normal to feel it. I don’t need to beat myself up for anything I feel. I definitely think I wouldn’t have had the time and space I needed to come to these realisations if I hadn’t taken that break.
It was heartbreaking watching my friends and set mates graduate without me. I considered so many options; I even thought of transferring to another university and repeating a year for a chance at a better grade, but I’m satisfied with waiting for a year till I was ready and able to do the work needed to graduate.
My first semester exams were great — my first exams in over a year. I’ve moved to a new place where my friends can visit, and I’m finding peace in my own time.
Disclaimer: This story is a personal account and not an endorsement of drug use. Psychedelic experiences vary widely, and LSD can have serious mental health risks.
If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety, depression or considering substance abuse, these resources can help: https://rehabs.africa/location/nigeria/ and https://www.opencounseling.com/lagos/lagos
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