The loss of a parent is a life-changing, earth-shattering event. These Nigerians talk about how losing a parent has shaped them and the life they now live.
Salem, 50
I was the original daddy’s girl. My father and I were close; he was my friend, my confidant, and my defender. He died at 78, and I know people think that’s old enough, but it isn’t. My father was agile, and he didn’t look his age. All his life, I never saw him ill. His first illness took his life.
When he died, It felt like my life was over. I had never been without him in my entire life, and I didn’t want to be here without him. I’ve felt alone since. I still dial his number when I’m upset so I can vent. I’d go through an emotional event and want my daddy, only to realise that he isn’t here anymore.
My life has changed, and I’m not the same person I was before he died. I have tried finding that person, but it seems she’s lost forever. I am a new person, and I am still getting used to her.
Ona, 24
I was 14 when my dad died, and I spiraled because of it. I was depressed and did things I’m not proud of; I avoided people for two years. I’ve learned to cope better with it now. Sometimes, it hits extra hard, and I cry, but I’m doing better now.
I still miss him though. I don’t know if I’d be the person I am right now if he was here, but I’d still rather have him here.
Ani, 20
My dad and I didn’t have a strong relationship, so when he died, I found it hard to grieve or miss him. There was no emotional connection there, and it was easy to move on from his death. The only time he comes to mind is when we celebrate his remembrance, and people praise the man he was. That’s it.
Laura, 25
My dad passed away when I was 2, so I don’t remember much about him. My mum died when I was 16; this one I remember. It was four days to my 17th birthday, and I don’t think I’ve been able to move from that age. I feel like life has been passing me by.
It’s been very depressing since she died. When she was here, talking to her fixed everything that was wrong with the world, but now everything’s just shit. My depression has gotten worse, and I still feel like such a sad person, no matter what I do to spark joy. Happy moments are not just happy anymore — they feel bittersweet because she isn’t there to witness any of it: my graduation, getting into my first relationship. I’m second-guessing getting married because she won’t be at the wedding, and I’m scared it’ll be a very underwhelming day.
Leo*, 28
My dad died when I was 18. Before he died, I strongly believed that death could never be me or my family’s portion. I never thought it would happen to my parents, but it did, and I cried a lot. I used to live my life with no care in the world. Daddy was there, and everything was going to be fine. His death was the reality check I didn’t think I needed. I’ve had to be more responsible and be accountable for my actions.
It took a while, but I’m laughing and joking more now. I’ve already seen the worst that life has to offer, so I might as well appreciate every day and live to the fullest.
Adekunle, 24
I lost my mother three years ago. She was the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m her last child, and we were close because we spent a lot of time together. Since she passed, life has been scary. I’ve felt alone and, quite frankly, cheated. She was there to guide my older siblings and help them navigate life after school while I got nothing.
Deep down, I know it’s for the best that she left when she did —she was sick and in so much pain, but it’s just hard to reconcile both feelings.
Pae, 20
My dad passed from cancer when I was 13. We were really alike and did a lot of things together. I could sit in complete silence with him and not be discouraged for not going outside to play with my cousins. He understood and loved me just the way I was.
I barely remember his funeral or anything from that time. All I remember is seeing him in his coffin before he was lowered to the ground.
I don’t think I’ll ever heal from losing him. I feel like I don’t have anyone in my corner anymore. I miss him every day.
Jerry, 25
Losing my mum was devastating. She had this habit of going into everyone’s room to pray for them in the middle of the night, and sometimes, she would sleep off. That night, she slept off in my room, and I woke up to my dad crying over her body.
I remember being tough on the outside. I didn’t,cry in front of anybody but I cried myself to sleep every night. I didn’t have my mum to shield me from the shitty world outside, and I became depressed and suicidal.
It’s been 13 years since she passed. I’ve finished primary, secondary, and tertiary education and will maybe go further. I’ve gotten a job, lost a job, and am currently in another. I’ve gotten my heart broken, healed, and built good relationships. I’ve travelled out of the country. I’ve found love. Having her around for all those experiences and life phases would be nice, but it is what it is. I’m in a good place, and it can only get better.
Abigail, 19
My dad passed away when I was 12. He was easy to talk to, forgave people, and always provided. I lacked for nothing when he was around because he provided everything for me. His death changed my life. When he was around, there was money and suddenly, there was no money. I switched schools and houses. It all happened so fast and no one wanted to grieve with me because I was a small child.
I had to grieve alone and I’m still grieving to this day, not just for my father but for the life I could’ve had if he had been alive.
Lucky, 28
I lost my mum when I was 14. When she died I became a shell of myself, numb and disconnected from everything. I couldn’t eat, sleep or read for the first three years. My anchor had gone, and my world had stopped spinning. It was horrible. I was drowning in the loss and I tried desperately to detach from it, but now I’ve accepted that it happened, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Alma, 21
My dad died when I was 17, and Iit left me mostly in shock. The regret began to seep in when I realised I would never get to spend time with him anymore. He worked away from home, and losing him made me realise there was so much about him I would never experience in real-time.
Losing my dad shaped certain decisions about my life. It motivated me to work for a first class, which I eventually did make. It also strengthened my relationship with my mum. It still hurts knowing that he won’t be there for the important milestones in my life.
Tunde, 33
My mum died during my service year. I was 25 and I cried in the car from Zamfara to Lagos. She was my world, and I feel like death took her away too soon. Her death made me realise I had to become independent. I wasn’t a mama’s boy, but I knew I could always count on her for anything, so I never really put my all into making my way.
Kay, 27
I was 11 when my mum passed, and for the longest time after her death, I believed everyone who got sick was going to die. I got seriously ill a year after her death, and I didn’t even bother getting treated. I just accepted that it was my time.
Since she died, I’ve been closed off. I don’t see the point of letting people in because what if they die too?
