Being single is great — until you realise it’s been months since someone held your hand for longer than five seconds. Whether you just got out of a relationship, have been single for years, or are currently experiencing a touch drought, the struggle of touch deprivation is real AF.
So, how do you cope when there’s no partner to cuddle up with? We asked five single Nigerians to share their experiences.
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“Book regular massages, it’s a touch cheat code” — Ayo* 27
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
I was watching a rom-com and got jealous over a forehead kiss. That’s when I knew.
How do you deal with it?
Massages. Full stop. I get one at least twice a month. It’s not even about relaxation — it’s just human contact. I tried to downplay it, but the first time a masseuse worked on my shoulders, I almost moaned. That’s when I knew I had been starving.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
Honestly, no. Relationships come with stress, and I don’t want to date just because I want to be touched. But will I book a spa session to trick my brain into thinking I’m loved? Yes, I will.
“Hug a pillow. It’s not the same, but it helps” — Amaka*, 30
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
I was watching a TikTok where someone said, “If you haven’t been hugged in six months, your body is literally starving for touch,” and I felt that in my soul.
How do you deal with it?
I have a ridiculously huge pillow that I sleep with every night. I wrap my entire body around it like I’m hugging a tree. It’s not the same as real human touch, but I can almost fool myself if I position it just right.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
Sometimes, yes. I won’t lie, sometimes I consider getting into a situationship just to have someone to cuddle. But then I remember men will embarrass you, and I hug my pillow tighter.
“Don’t rule out the gym, lots of casual touch” — Tunde*, 31
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
A few months ago, my female colleague touched my arm while laughing, and I swear, I felt it in my soul. I almost asked her to do it again.
How do you deal with it?
The gym. People don’t realise how much casual touch happens there. A pat on the back, a handshake, or someone spotting you while lifting weights helps. There’s no weirdness, and I don’t have to explain why I’m craving human contact.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
Not at all. I enjoy my personal space and my peace. I just wish I could order casual hugs the way you order shawarma.
“Get you a platonic cuddle buddy” — Fatima*, 29
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
I’m the friend who always holds hands, hugs, or leans on people. But lately, my friends are in relationships, and nobody touches me like before. That’s when I knew I was down bad.
How do you deal with it?
I have a friend who’s also single, and we’ve made a pact to be each other’s “platonic cuddle buddies.” We’ll watch movies and just casually lean on each other. It sounds weird, but it helps. Also, I play with my own hair a lot. It’s a small thing, but it calms me.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
I used to think no, but now? Maybe. I can’t be out here shaking over the lack of hand-holding.
“Get a haircut or pedicure session” — Qudus*, 26
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
I went for a haircut, and when my barber gently brushed off the loose hairs from my neck, I nearly melted. That’s when I knew my body was crying for touch.
How do you deal with it?
Regular haircuts. It sounds ridiculous, but there’s something about having someone literally care for you, even if it’s just shaping your fade. I also get pedicures sometimes—not because I care about my feet, but because I just like the feeling of human contact.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
I’ve considered it. But then I remind myself that emotional stress is worse than being touch-deprived. I’ll just keep tipping my barber well.
While we hope these suggestions give you an idea of how to deal with touch deprivation, here’s an article with practical guides on how to hug yourself.
TAKE THIS QUIZ: When Next Will You Have Sex?