Intimacy comes with vulnerability, and with vulnerability comes the possibility of premium disgrace. But what happens after the moment passes? Do you laugh it off, cry into your pillow, or block the person forever?
We asked 8 Nigerians to share their most embarrassing bedroom experiences and how they recovered from the awkwardness. If you’ve ever had a moment that made you want the ground to swallow you, this is proof that you’re not alone, and yes, you can bounce back.
“I farted and pooed a little while we were doing it”
There are embarrassing moments, and then there are moments that make you want to flee the country and start over. *Uju, 27, found herself in the latter category. She shares:
“I had been holding in a fart all evening because my boyfriend was around, but my stomach clearly had other plans. Mid-action, I let out what I thought was a silent one, but the warm feeling that followed told me I had messed up.
My boyfriend jumped up like someone hit ‘pause’ on his body, and I froze in horror. Before he could say anything, I ran to the bathroom. When I came back, he was just sitting there, looking at me. The only thing he said was, “So what do we do now?”
I wanted to cry, but instead, I apologised, owned up to it, and suggested we change the sheets and move on. He laughed and said, “At least you didn’t pretend it didn’t happen.” It was still embarrassing, but he didn’t make me feel bad, which made it easier to recover from.”
Lesson learned: Sometimes, the best way to handle embarrassment is to own up to it before your partner has a chance to make it worse. If they can’t handle something as natural as a bodily accident, maybe they’re not the right person for you.
“I took her to my uncle’s house and he walked in”
Borrowing a house is one thing. Getting caught in it is another. *Timi, 29, learned why honesty is always the best policy.
“I had been seeing this babe for a while, and when we finally decided to, you know, get down to business, I took her to my uncle’s house. He had been away for weeks, so I figured we’d be safe. Everything was going great until we heard the front door unlock. I barely had time to pull the blanket over us before my uncle stepped in. He stared at me, then at her, then back at me, and just said, “Ah, Timi. So this is what you use my house for?”
To make things worse, I had told the babe it was my house. She grabbed her things, ran past my uncle, and blocked me immediately after. My uncle, on the other hand, laughed at me for a week straight.”
Lesson learned: Don’t lie about what you don’t own, and definitely don’t bring people into spaces you can’t control. If you’re going to be intimate, make sure it’s a place where you won’t need to start explaining yourself mid-action.
“I lost my wig while on top”
Wigs are meant to elevate your confidence, not embarrass you. *Ronke, 26, shares how her lace betrayed her at the worst time.
“I was feeling myself, giving my best performance, when my wig slipped off and landed right on his chest. For a few seconds, we just stared at the wig. Then he looked at me and started laughing. I snatched it off his chest, threw it aside, and we kept going.”
Lesson learned: If you’re going to wear a wig to bed, secure it properly. Or better yet, own it. The person is already seeing you in all your glory, what’s a little exposed koroba style?
“I coughed, and the smell that followed ended the night”
*Chuka, 30, didn’t even know what a tonsil stone was until one ruined his entire night. He shares:
“Everything was going great. We were kissing, touching, getting lost in the moment. Then, I felt a tickle in my throat. I tried to ignore it, but the sensation wouldn’t go away. Before I could stop myself, I let out a small cough. I felt something dislodge from my throat and land right on the pillow beside her.
She picked it up looking confused. It was a tiny, off-white speck. Then, before I could react, she sniffed it. The gag reflex that followed was insane. Her face contorted in disgust, and she jumped off the bed. That’s when the smell hit me too — a mix of rotten eggs, sewage, and pure evil. She grabbed her perfume and started spraying the air like she was performing an exorcism. Meanwhile, I was just sitting there, horrified, wondering if this stench had been coming from my mouth all along.
We didn’t continue. We didn’t even cuddle. The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence, her on one side of the bed, me on the other, furiously Googling “tiny white balls that smell like poo.” That’s how I discovered tonsil stones. Apparently, they’re small bits of food and bacteria that get stuck in your tonsils and ferment into a smell so bad, it can end relationships.”
Lesson learned: If your breath is mysteriously bad, no matter how much you brush, check your tonsils. And always carry mints.
The subject of this Sex Life article talks about the various ways she’s tried to spice up her sex life and realising sex isn’t something she’ll ever enjoy.
“She called me by her ex’s name”
*Seyi, 32, was having a great time until he heard the one name that should never have entered the chat.
“We were deep in the moment when she moaned her ex’s name. I froze immediately and she started apologising, but the damage was already done. I tried to laugh it off, but deep down, I was fighting for my life. No matter what she said after, all I could hear was his name echoing in my head.
We tried to move past it, but eventually, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was just a placeholder. We broke up a few months later.”
Lesson learned: If this ever happens to you, don’t just apologise, explain. Your partner will need a lot of reassurance that they aren’t just a rebound.
“I passed out, and he thought I had died”
*Aisha, 27, just wanted a good time. Instead, she almost gave her man a heart attack.
“I don’t know who sent me to try a new position that required me to bend my neck at an awkward angle. All I remember is feeling lightheaded, then everything went black. I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend crying. This man was shaking me violently, screaming, “Aisha, please wake up!” I tried to tell him I was okay, but he was already on the phone with his friend. When I finally sat up, he started praising God like he had just witnessed a resurrection. We never spoke about it again, and we never attempted that position again either.”
Lesson learned: If you feel dizzy, stop immediately. No one wants to go from sexy time to emergency prayers.
“He spat phlegm on me as lubricant”
*Joy, 28, thought she had seen it all until her partner introduced a bodily fluid she was not expecting.
“We were making out, and things were getting intense. I was expecting him to reach for actual lube when I suddenly heard him clear his throat. Before I could process what was happening, this man spat a thick ball of phlegm on me. I screamed, “What the actual hell?” and jumped off the bed. I packed my things immediately and left. The worst part? He didn’t see anything wrong with it.
Lesson learned: If you ever find yourself in this situation, don’t walk — RUN. Some things can’t be explained away.
“I douched for an hour, but my body still disgraced me”
*Femi, 26, thought he had done everything right. His body had other plans.
“I spent an hour douching before meeting up with my partner because I wanted to be fresh and accident-free. Everything was going smoothly until I felt a sudden shift. At first, I tried to ignore it, but then I saw my partner’s face change. I turned around, and that’s when I saw it.
I was so mortified, I immediately ran to the bathroom. My partner was super chill about it, but I was too embarrassed to continue. I just wanted to evaporate.
Lesson learned: Even with the best prep, accidents can still happen. The key is choosing a partner who won’t make you feel ashamed.
“The condom wouldn’t fit, and my ‘big size’ stopped being a flex”
*Kunle, 28, thought being well-endowed was an advantage, not until it became a logistical nightmare.
“I had been hyping myself for weeks because this babe had been dropping hints about how she was game. In my head, I was about to deliver premium wickedness.
But when it was time to suit up, the condom refused to cooperate. I tried to roll it down, and it got stuck halfway. I tried again, and it snapped. She laughed and tried to help, but it only made the entire thing worse. We tried a different brand. Same struggle. At some point, she just sat there watching me wrestle the condom. The room got awkwardly quiet. My “big size” should have been a flex, but at that moment, I just felt ridiculous. Eventually, I had to admit defeat.
She gave me a pity hug and said we should consider another time, but there was no next time. She eventually stopped replying to my texts, and I’m 90% sure she told her friends.”
Lesson learned: Being well-endowed is great until you can’t use it. Always have size options or know where to get them fast because struggling with a condom for 20 minutes is not sexy.
Embarrassing moments during intimacy are completely normal. But if you’re struggling to regain your rhythm, here’s a useful guide to help you reclaim your sexual confidence.
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