So, you’ve done some introspection ahead of February 14 and in your heart of hearts, you can’t shake the feeling that tears of ecstasy should be one of the main characters in your Valentine’s Day special for the LOYL. If you ask us, we’ll say it’s doable.
We know just the right things you need to do.
Start by telling him he’ll cry
No, you’ve not taken away the element of surprise. This is the only way to set yourself up for success. Remember, men already see tears as a form of weakness, so the last place they want to do it is mid-coitus. But once you tell him your intentions, there’s a chance he’ll let down his guard. Now, get to work.
Oil up…But with Aboniki
If you’re serious about making a man cry in bed, you have to be willing to take one for the team. In this case, that means enduring the biting hotness of Aboniki balm spread in the crevices of your body parts. There’s no better way to set the mood. By the time you lean into him on the bed, his eyes will be wet from mentholated desire.
Attack his ears
The ear is an erogenous zone. So, you’re going for a mix of touch and truth here. Gently tug at his ear with your mouth, and bite it softly. He’ll be tickled at first, but you’ll get him to relax when you moan and breathe heavily into his ear. When he starts to reach for you and begins to mutter in pre-cum lingo, tell him the day’s dollar to naira rate. He’ll cry, but they’ll be tears of joy because he’d orgasm at that point too.
We interrupt this programme to ask: where are our Zikoko Ships now?
Find out how three of our Ships are doing five years later:
Spoiler alert: it’s lovey-dovey 
And the soles of his feet
If the tears don’t come after working on his ear, go for the soles of his feet and put your tongue to work. This one might get a little loud, so you probably want to stuff his mouth with something and throw in a handcuff to restrain his hands. Next up, go crazy on his feet with your tongue. It’s like tickling, it always ends up in tears.
Bite his nipples
Start by twirling your tongue around the edges of his nipple. When you notice the skin taking on a semi-hard form, bite down softly and watch him let out that moan. But to get those tears, bite down as hard as you will a piece of shaki, and follow it up with more tongue twirling. He’ll go into a brief moment of shocked mute, then the tears will follow.
Use teeth
Look, forget people who say you don’t need teeth. If you want to stain your bed sheet with that man’s hot tears, we say teeth is where it’s at. Bite down softly on his odogwu, and just before he lets out a scream of pain, follow it up with the slurpiest glock glock 3000 you can manage. He’ll crumble in a puddle of orgasm-induced tears.
Get on top
No better way to achieve peak vulnerability than staring deep into each other’s souls mid-mekwe, and realising that there’s no other person you’d have digging your well and cultivating your farmland. This is the only position where this will work. But be warned, you may also shed a tear or two with this one.
Post-nut adulations
In the rare chance that all of the above doesn’t work, read that man a Shakespearean poem or something heartfelt while he’s collecting his consciousness from the throes of pleasure. Hail his odogwu for a job well done, pet it even. And watch his eyes swell with tears of appreciation.
If you enjoyed this article, you’d love: “How to Make a Woman Cry in Bed“
