Cheating can feel like a death sentence for a relationship, but for some Nigerians, it’s not the end, it’s just the beginning of a new, often complicated dynamic.
Whether it’s rebuilding trust, setting new rules, or staying for reasons beyond love, we spoke to seven people about what it really means to move forward after infidelity.
“I forgave her, but she’ll never have male friends again”
For *Wale, 32, staying meant regaining control of his relationship. His girlfriend had always reassured him that her male best friend was “like a brother” to her. Then he found out they had been sleeping together.
“I had two choices: walk away or make sure it never happened again. I love her, so I chose the latter. But I made it clear that if she wanted to prove she was serious about earning my trust back, she had to cut off all her male friends. No unnecessary interactions, no casual texting, nothing. It’s been two years, and she’s kept her promise. Do I still have doubts sometimes? Yes. But at least I know she’s no longer putting herself in situations where it can happen again.”
“Every time he cheats, I make him invest in something expensive”
For some people, cheating is a dealbreaker. For *Toke, 29, it’s an opportunity. She knows her partner will never stop cheating, so she’s making sure she benefits from it.
“The first time I caught him, I was devastated. The second time, I was just mad at myself for thinking it wouldn’t happen again. By the third time, I had a new strategy. If you want to embarrass me, you must pay for it. Literally. So every time he messes up, he has to put money towards something big — my business, property, or even my savings. I don’t know when I’ll leave, but when I do, I’ll be leaving comfortably.”
“I thought I could handle it, but I couldn’t”
Some people think they can forgive until the reality of betrayal sets in. *Uche, 29, opens up about the mistrust that plagued his relationship after an episode of infidelity.
“When my girlfriend cheated, I told myself that if I truly loved her, I would fight for our relationship. I convinced myself it was just a mistake. But every time she picked up her phone, my stomach turned. Every time she went out, I wondered if she was lying about where she was going. I became someone I didn’t recognise. I was constantly checking her WhatsApp messages, second-guessing every ‘babe, I love you’. I lasted six months before I realised I was just punishing myself. I should have left the first time, and that was what I eventually had to do.”
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“He doesn’t know that I know, and I want to keep it that way”
Not everyone confronts their cheating partner. Some choose to stay quiet, but it’s not because they’ve chosen to accept less. *Fola, 24, shares how she plans to deal with the situation.
“I found out my boyfriend was cheating a year into our relationship, but I never told him. Why? Because I needed time to figure out my next move. He thinks I’m in the dark, but I’m quietly preparing myself for whatever happens next. I’ve doubled my savings and started looking for a new hostel apartment. I’ve also started accommodating other potentials who I turned down before. The day I finally leave, I want it to be on my terms, not as the heartbroken girlfriend begging for respect. Also, I want it to hurt.”
“I forgave him because I wasn’t ready to start over”
Starting over can feel more complicated than staying, and that was the real challenge for *Mariam, 27. She shares:
“We had been together for five years, and I had already built my life around him. The thought of leaving and starting over exhausted me more than the cheating itself. So I forgave him. Or at least, I’m trying. The thing about cheating is, you can’t un-know it. Even when things feel normal, there’s always that small voice in your head asking, ‘What if he’s doing it again?’ But I made my choice, and now I have to live with it.”
“We tried an open relationship. It didn’t work”
Some people try to balance the betrayal by making new rules. For *Jude, 32, that experiment was short-lived.
“My fiance cheated, and instead of leaving, we had an honest conversation about why she did it. She admitted she had felt tempted for a while, but because we were in a committed relationship, she didn’t know how to express it. So, we decided to try an open relationship. The idea was that we could both explore, but always come home to each other. Sounds great in theory, right? Well, three months in, I realised I hated it. I couldn’t stomach the thought of her with someone else, even though she had already cheated. I thought I was being progressive, but I was just setting myself up for more heartbreak. We had to come to a resolution that involved walking away.”
“We built something better after therapy”
While some people stay out of fear, obligation, or convenience, others like *Jide, 34, choose to fight for a healthier relationship.
“My wife cheated three years into our marriage. At first, I wanted nothing to do with her. But after weeks of talking, crying, and asking every ‘why’ possible, I realised I still wanted to be with her. We started therapy, and it helped us rebuild from the ground up. It wasn’t easy, but I can honestly say our marriage is stronger now. We communicate better, we set boundaries, and we’re more intentional about our love. Staying isn’t for everyone, but I’m glad I did.”
Being cheated on is one thing; moving forward is another. Whether you stay, get even, or leave, healing takes time. Here’s a useful guide on healing a broken heart that can help you move on.
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