Wani’s* (23) boyfriend is 21 years older than her, but that’s not the problem with her relationship. The problem is other people.
She talks about dealing with people’s perceptions of their relationship and why she isn’t concerned about their future.
As told to Boluwatife
Image: Canva AI
I’ve been dating my boyfriend, Adeolu*, for two years, but my closest friends still don’t know exactly how we met because I know I’ll get weird looks. It also doesn’t help that Adeolu is 21 years older than me.
I met Adeolu in 2022 while hospitalised for severe stomach pain that turned into an emergency appendectomy. Adeolu was my anesthesiologist, and he’d been the one to calm me down when I started freaking out in the operating theatre.
After the surgery, Adeolu came to check on me twice before the hospital discharged me a week later. He joked about how I needed to focus on getting better so I could eat the hospital canteen’s famous amala and gbegiri. When I saw him again two weeks later during a follow-up appointment, I insisted I was well enough to eat the famous amala, and he took me for lunch. Things pretty much took off from there.
We talked so much during that canteen visit that we just had to exchange numbers to keep the conversation going on WhatsApp. I was surprised by how much he knew about what older people would call “Gen Z things”. Slangs like “E choke” and “Lori iro” were still in everyone’s mouth in 2022, and Adeolu knew them all.
When he finally asked me on a date a month later, I said, “Aren’t you like 50 with a wife at home?” That’s when he told me he was actually 42 and had never been married. I said yes to that date, and we became an item. Honestly, I already liked him, and I’m not sure knowing he had a wife would’ve stopped me from dating him.
I’ve dated two people before Adeolu, but he’s the first much older man I’ve been with. I didn’t even imagine I’d ever date someone that old, but Adeolu is different. He’s hella attractive, with a sexy sprinkle of white hair on his goatee. He looks his age but doesn’t look ancient if that makes sense. He’s also so funny.
Adeolu and I have been together for two years, and I’ve never been happier. He treats me like a princess and provides all I need — both emotionally and financially. He tells me I’m beautiful, and I feel beautiful when I’m with him. He’s also a very considerate lover.
Adeolu has made my life better in so many ways. When I struggled with a course in school, he drew up a study schedule for me and regularly called me at a particular time daily to make sure I was reading. He’s also made me promise to get a master’s degree after uni. He’s constantly telling me how much he believes in me, and I love him for it.
The only downside to our relationship is how people react when they find out we’re together. Twice, restaurant servers have assumed Adeolu is my older brother. Maybe I also make it worse by never letting it slide. I’m quick to correct sibling assumptions, and the person involved either gives a weird look or a knowing smile. As if they’re saying, “Anything for the bag, girl.”
One time, Adeolu and I attended an owambe together, and one of the ushers came to where we sat to ask Adeolu to come and re-park his car. Adeolu had gone to the toilet then, and this usher said, “Excuse me, please, what about that your uncle that sat down here before?” I told her, “You mean my boyfriend?” and she apologised, but I could tell she was surprised.
I still don’t understand why people quickly assume he’s a relative. I know I’m petite and have a baby face, but still, it’s too bad.
The sugar daddy assumptions are what I hate most. Whenever Adeolu calls me in the hostel, and my friends see his name on my phone, they go, “Your sugar daddy is calling o.” I had to tell them I met Adeolu online because they’d either think he took advantage of his position as my doctor or that I agreed to date him because I wanted a sugar daddy.
However, they still think we’re in a transactional relationship because of the age difference. It’s so annoying. Adeolu isn’t even that rich, and I don’t ask him for money. He just buys me things and sends me money monthly like a regular boyfriend.
I haven’t told my parents about Adeolu because they’d never understand. Only my sister knows, and she doesn’t even support the relationship. She keeps saying Adeolu is just using me for sex and will soon dump me. But this same man has introduced me to his friends and neighbours. I’m almost always at his house and know everything about him. How else should he show he’s serious?
I’m tired of defending my relationship, so I’ve chosen to quietly enjoy what I have with Adeolu. I can’t say for sure if marriage is in the cards for us because Adeolu has said he doesn’t believe in marriage, but I don’t even care.
I’d rather not think about what the future will bring and if we can even be together. I’m happy with what we have for now. We love each other, and that’s all that matters.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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