Since getting into that relationship, your replies are slower, you’re never available, and somehow, every conversation circles back to “Babe.” It’s almost as if the sun and moon revolve around them.
You don’t mean to be a bad friend, but things are different, and someone has to tell you.
5 Signs You’re Becoming a Part-Time Friend
You might not notice, but your friends have. If you’re guilty of even one of these, it’s time for a wake-up call. We spoke to five Nigerians who have been on the receiving end, and here’s what they had to say.
1. Your Availability Depends on Babe
Before, your bestie got real-time updates about your life — chaotic voice notes about your daily breakdowns, the full gist. Now? You only remember them when Babe is busy. And when they text you? All they get are dry responses like ‘lmao’ and ‘that’s crazy.’
Lolu*, 29, told Zikoko about how her childhood friendship gradually faded. “We used to talk every day about everything,” she said. “But once she started dating, things slowly changed. At first, it was very subtle — missed calls, short replies. It became obvious when I found myself carrying our conversations. I understood she was in a new phase of life, but that didn’t make it less painful.”
2. You Keep Cancelling Plans
Your bestie plans a link-up, and you’re excited until Babe wants to do something that same day. Next thing, you’re texting, “Can we reschedule?” (How many times in a row?)
It might seem like nothing to you, but to your friend, it screams, “You don’t matter.”
Osaz*, 25, told Zikoko how her roommate-turned-bestie made her feel invisible. “The little things we used to do just vanished because she never had time,” she shared. “I hated that every together activity became a lone activity.”
And when you do manage to show up, you’re one “my babe said” away from disappearing mid-hangout.
3. Every Conversation Is About Your Relationship
Your friend: “Work has been stressful.”
You: “OMG, same! My babe made me food yesterday to make me feel better sha.”
Somehow, every conversation becomes a TED Talk about your relationship. Not that you shouldn’t be excited about love, but must every story have your babe as the main character?
Tunde*, 27, was over it with his roommate of six years. “I honestly felt like we didn’t have a friendship anymore,” he told Zikoko. “It was frustrating that we couldn’t talk about anything else.”
Read Also: How To Know You’ve Outgrown a Friendship, and What To Do About It
4. You’ve Stopped Being Present
You finally link up, but are you really there? Physically, yes. Emotionally? You’re deep in conversation with Babe on WhatsApp while your friend is baring their soul. They’re probably wondering, Who is this, and what have they done with my friend?
Tolu*, 30, knows the pain of feeling alone in the presence of someone who’s supposed to care. “I would tell him things, and he just wouldn’t remember. It used to get on my nerves a lot. But the last straw was when I lost someone close to me, and he barely asked how I was doing.”
5. You Only Remember Them When You Need To Rant
The moment you and Babe argue? Your friend becomes your emergency therapist. You rant, get their advice (which you never follow), and even worse? You go back to Babe and download all the negative things your friend said while defending you. It’s giving betrayal.
Chisom*, 25, experienced this firsthand. “One time, her boyfriend slipped and said something to me that I had told her in confidence,” she said. “I couldn’t even find it in me to be annoyed.” If this is you, you’re not just a bad friend. You’re wicked.
We Asked A Relationship Coach How To Fix It
If this sounds like your current friendship dynamic, you’ve got a problem. And if you don’t address it, you might lose a good one.
We asked relationship counsellor Adesuwa Isénérè, founder of Heartdrops with Suess, how to fix things before it’s too late.
1. Own Up to It
If you’ve ticked every box, the first step is to admit it.
“Start with a sincere apology,” Adesuwa shares. “Acknowledge their feelings without making excuses. You can’t truly understand how they feel because you are not them. You don’t see things from their perspective. Reassure them that you’re ready to repair the relationship and ask how you can make amends. Be intentional about expressing your love and consistently show up for them. That’s how trust is rebuilt.”
2. Make Time (Intentionally)
If you have time for dates, you can make time for your bestie, too. Adesuwa explains, “It’s natural to be engrossed in the excitement of a new relationship. I mean, romance is sweet. However, please maintain your existing friendships. Everyone has a role to play in your life, so abandoning your friends is cheating yourself out of a wholesome experience.”
She adds, “Schedule regular catch-ups with your friends and involve your partner in group activities. It’s your responsibility to foster inclusion. They’re all important to you and should be treated as such. Besides, a well-balanced social life would improve your romantic relationship.”
3. When You’re Confronted, Actually Listen
If your friend calls you out for being distant, don’t get defensive.
“They could have pulled back or walked away, but they chose to address it because they still care,” Adesuwa stresses. Listen actively, validate their feelings, and apologise for hurting them. Then discuss how you both can improve communication and make sure they feel valued moving forward.”
And If And If You’re the One Feeling Left Out…
Let your friend know how you feel. Use “I” statements so it doesn’t sound like an attack. You’re not enemies. “It’s both of you against the problem,” says Adesuwa. “Conflicts are normal in relationships, but hidden resentment isn’t. Talking about how you feel can clear up misunderstandings and help your friendship grow stronger.”
Read Next: How Do You Deal With A Friendship Breakup? Nigerians Share Their Experiences
