We’re celebrating Women all month long and what’s sweeter than a great friendship? We love a sisterhood over here, so to celebrate, we went out and spoke to some young women about the female friendships that have impacted them positively, and we got to hear some amazing stories. Enjoy!
“She helped boost my self-confidence” — Jade*, 26
In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?
So we met in our first year of university because we were in the same department and hostel, and became fast friends.
My parents were overprotective, so I grew up very sheltered. I also had two siblings who were more academically adept than I was (and my younger sister was much prettier—which people constantly told me). So when I got to university, I was sorely lacking in self-confidence.
My best friend Temi* was the exact opposite. I’d never met anyone that was so self-assured. So when she’d tell me that I was beautiful and intelligent for the first time in my sixteen years of life, I actually started to believe it. I was really mean to myself when I was younger about everything, but she was always there to reassure me.
We also wore roughly the same size, and she liked clothes, so when she did routine declutters, she’d always save the best for me and give suggestions on how to pair them.
Our friendship has really boosted my self-confidence in my looks, my intelligence, and my self-worth. It has also made me more intentional about the type of men I allow in my space.
What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?
In our second year in school, I was in a friends-with-benefits situation with a guy because he claimed he didn’t like labels. Once, he left me stranded after I had travelled from Ife to Ibadan to see him. He basically wasn’t reachable, and I had to make several calls to estranged friends from secondary school to find a place to sleep that night because it was late by the time I gave up on reaching him. The guy called me a week later to apologize because his phone was bad and promised it wouldn’t happen again a second time.
When I told Temi about my plans to go and see this guy again, she said, and I remember it verbatim, “Jade, you’re a beautiful woman. Even if he doesn’t rate you, why don’t you rate yourself?”
After that, my standard for dating men became any man that I knew she’d approve of — I was still working on my self-worth at the time, so it was just easier to judge men based on what Temi thought I deserved). It saved me a lot of heartbreak and embarrassment till I was more confident in myself and my choices. She’s still my go-to whenever I feel down.
“Even though my husband disapproved, she encouraged me to forge ahead in my profession” — Bolade*, 54
In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?
We have been friends since we attended Sacred Hearts Primary School in Ibadan in the 70s. She has been a constant source of encouragement to me throughout our friendship.
Even though my husband disapproved, she encouraged me to forge ahead in my profession and that has allowed me to get to where I am today. I will always be grateful to God for her.
What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?
My best friend got pregnant when we were in our final year of polytechnic study. It was a gruelling time and I had to help me do basically everything because the pregnancy was tough on her. What really stood out to me then was that even though she could barely move because of exhaustion and morning sickness, she would write me pages of letters about how much she appreciated my help and how she would repay me when she got better.
Her daughter is almost thirty years old today and it feels like she’s my daughter too. Our many years together has been more than enough repayment in my eyes.
“They uplift me, remind me how special I am and hold me accountable.” — Tola*, 25
In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?
I really feel lucky to have a group of female friends who don’t make me feel alone. They uplift me, remind me how special I am and sometimes, when necessary, they hold me accountable. I think it’s also important to mention that my friendships aren’t perfect. There are certain friends I can’t share all parts of myself with but, I don’t love them less, I can simply see that there might be parts of me they can’t understand yet. However, I still have other female friends that nurture the parts of me that are hidden.
Sometimes, I try to hold everything inside. Their friendship made me realize that I don’t have to feel alone; I can always share what I’m feeling with my girls.
What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?
We went together as a group to support one of our friends because her dad had passed a day before her birthday. We wanted to show our support, and we got attacked by some of her dad’s family members for bringing up her birthday. They called us all sorts of names.
Long story short, we stood up for each other that day. It was a bit funny because one person started crying, and soon enough, almost all of us were crying while they were chasing us away. The whole thing made me realize that these are my people. We cry and laugh together, and we defend each other no matter what.
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“Her support is my greatest superpower.” — Biola*, 33
In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?
I have a really poor relationship with my half sisters because of our family dynamic and Dera’s friendship— going on fifteen years now— has completely redefined what sisterhood means to me.
She essentially adopted me into her own family and we have been sisters since. We’ve been thick as thieves since JSS 1 and as we grow older it just gets better. I’m happy I have someone to rely on, to gist and gossip with and to bare my soul to. She’s very special to me.
What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?
When I lost my job in 2023, she had me move in with her for almost six months. During that time, she helped me revamp and CV, sent me job applications that we filled together and encouraged me after every rejection letter. She didn’t let me go back to my place until I got a new and better paying job. Her support is my greatest superpower.
“she has never stopped believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.” — Jemi*, 21
In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?
I used to be bullied a lot in secondary school, and she always had my back. Even after I eventually left the school, she never stopped defending me. When I struggled academically, she was there to help me pick up, and she has never stopped believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.
Knowing I always have someone in my corner has helped me so much mentally. I also make better financial decisions now because she gave me some of the best financial advice.
What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?
It’s hard to pick just one, but coming out to her as bisexual and not feeling judged for it made me feel safe and normal. She didn’t blow it out of proportion; she just treated it as she would if I was talking about any other thing.
“She has made me believe in the power of sisterhood.” — Shola*, 27
In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?
I struggle with depression and used to have the worst coping habits when I was in a downward slump. Meeting Simi* has completely changed that for me. She showed me healthier ways to deal with my emotions and better ways to express myself. She’s my favourite person.
Because of her, I am no longer afraid of the future. There is literally nothing I can’t do as long as we’re together. She has made me believe in the power of sisterhood.
What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?
When we were in our final year of university, my laptop crashed and I lost the first three chapters of my project that I’d spent all my money and time on. I decided I was going to drop out and gave up on redoing it.
This babe came to my room in school pretending she wanted to come for a sleepover and spent the entire night piecing my project back together from the notes on my table and earlier versions I had sent to our group chat. That act still leaves me speechless today: it was the only reason I was able to graduate. I can’t quantify my love for this woman.
“They have given me a community that is not bound by distance.” — Sarah*, 28
In what ways has this friendship been special/transformative for you?
My friend group has been with me through thick and thin. I had to move out of the country for school when I was sixteen and despite the time difference, they were intentional about checking in on me, encouraging me and making sure I had community because I attended a school with very few black people. After school, when I was struggling to get a job, they would chip in money and send it to me to buy coffee or a nice lunch and that really touched me.
They have given me a community that is not bound by distance. I visit Nigeria as often as I can, and it doesn’t feel like I ever left. Those girls are my sisters for life.
What’s one experience during your friendship that has really stood out to you?
It’s very hard for me to study by myself so during my exam prep, they’d hop on a group video call with me and study or read a book just so I didn’t feel alone and I could concentrate. I graduated in the top percentile of my class, and I always attribute my success to their support.
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