Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Ini: It was in 2013. Femi was the headliner at an underground show I attended at Ember Creek where budding poets and musicians showcased their craft. I remember thinking as he performed, “This guy is talented.”
I knew he was special from how he handled the guitar.
Femi: That was my first headline show in Lagos, at Freedom Hall. But I had no idea she was in the audience that night. I didn’t meet her until two months later, when I went to a radio station where she interned. I was there to do backup vocals for a singer, and she caught my eye immediately. She was very pretty in her cute yellow dress. We didn’t talk beyond a quick hello, though.
Ini: But he collected the phone number of another intern with a really big bum and left. I was like, “Who is this one?”
Femi: It wasn’t like that! I only collected her number because I had a personal recording session planned.
Right. What happened next?
Ini: I eventually became a radio presenter in 2014 and I played a lot of Afro-jazz and Afrobeat on my show. One day, I discovered Femi’s music and realised he was the same guy I’d watched perform months ago at Freedom Hall.
I checked our station’s music database and saw we had only one of his songs, “Smile”. I played it as often as I could.
Femi: No, the song was “Irawo.”
Ini: Right. After the station tweeted about his music, he reached out to say thank you. I asked him if he had more songs we could play, and that’s how we started talking.
Femi: Back then, having your song played on the radio was a big deal, so I was really grateful, and I sent her a DM to show appreciation. When she asked if I had more songs, I showed up at the station with a CD of “Smile,” and she started playing on air as well. She also granted me an interview on her show, which was huge for me because I hadn’t had any media appearances in a while. We developed a friendship from that point on.
What was the friendship like?
Femi: I was single, fresh out of a toxic relationship, and had decided to focus on my career. I had no interest in dating, so I was intentional about just getting to know Ini without any pressure or expectations.
Ini: Femi always showed up. That’s one thing I loved about him then and still love now; his consistency and loyalty. If he’s in your corner, he’ll do everything he can for you.
I loved listening to him when we talked. I worried about him a lot because I felt he was going through so much, but I was determined to help him succeed. I believed in his talent and didn’t think someone that good should go unnoticed. I made it my mission to push his music with my platform. He was always there for me too. Through all of this, there was zero romantic attraction on my part. So, I was angry when he started catching feelings. Why would this one come and ruin what we have? Every time he brought up feelings, I dodged the conversation and completely friendzoned him.
Femi, you mentioned earlier that you didn’t want to have a relationship. What changed?
Femi: I wasn’t expecting to fall for Ini; it just happened. I’d been drawn to her since we met in 2013, but I wasn’t sure if it was real or fleeting, so I kept it to myself.
By 2014, I realised the feelings hadn’t gone away. That’s when I told myself, “This is very real.” I decided to go for it.
How did you handle getting friendzoned?
Femi: I was crushed. With Ini, it was back-to-back rejections. At one point, I started wondering, “Am I that terrible to be with?”
But I chose consistency. I promised myself I’d keep going and stay open-minded, hoping she’d change her mind. I also decided not to chase after another girl. My eyes were on Ini and only her.
Ini: The truth is, life happened to me between our first and second meetings. I went through a traumatic experience. It changed my perception of so many things.
When Femi came into my life, I wasn’t looking for him. I was chasing a high, and he was a grounding presence and dose of reality that I wasn’t ready for.
Looking back, I think it’s why I kept rejecting him. I sometimes said to him, “If I was a guy, I’d have left me by now. Why are you still here?”
Was he aware of what you had gone through?
Ini: I told him everything in 2015 to scare him away. I laid it all out: my past, the guys I’d slept with, the trauma I carried. I expected him to run. Instead, he said, “Let’s pray.” That’s when I knew I was finished.
Coincidentally, God revealed Femi as my husband during one of my prayers. I resisted at first, but I started to lean into it when I saw that despite everything, Femi stayed.
Fast forward to February 14, 2016, Femi had a gig at Radisson and I went to meet him.
Around 9 p.m., I looked at him and said, “I’d love to date you. I don’t love you, but if you give me time, I’ll grow to love you. I’ll be the best person to love you ever. But you have to give me time to heal.”
Before then, someone had told me, “What if he’s part of your healing?” I think that was the catalyst for me saying “yes.”
How did you feel about this, Femi?
Femi: Glorious. I’d been waiting for that day for years. When she asked for time, I didn’t mind. I’d already been waiting, so what was a little longer? I also liked that she deliberately made our anniversary fall on Valentine’s Day.
Nice. What were the early days of dating like?
Femi: It was really sweet. Ini wasn’t with me because I had money or status; she was just there for the person. We sang in traffic, jumped on bikes, bought junk food, and sat in the car eating and talking for hours. Those little moments built the foundation of our relationship.
Ini: We definitely made a lot of memories, but there were also things we had to adjust to. We came from different backgrounds, so we had to learn how to balance our differences.
What sort of things did you have to adjust to, Ini?
Ini: I was used to dating high-profile men. Femi wasn’t like that. It wasn’t a problem, but my decorum was different from his. He also had to adjust to my mindset about men and money. I grew up seeing men control people with money, so I wanted to make my own. I didn’t want to be in a position where a man would withhold money from me to assert power.
Femi completely changed my perception of that. He was so open with money in a way I hadn’t experienced. He’d tell me exactly how much he had, split whatever he made with me, and expect nothing in return. At first, I didn’t know how to handle it. Every time he gave me money, I’d keep it aside, waiting for the day he’d ask for it back. But he never did.
He made me realise that money wasn’t anything to worship or weaponise in relationships.
Femi: I’d actually never shared money with anybody in my life, not even any of my past relationships. However, there was something different about being open and honest with her. I knew I was going all the way. I wanted to start practising transparency early, and that’s something we’ve continued till today, even now that we’re married.
I was coming to that. When did you realise you wanted to make the huge leap to marriage?
Ini: I definitely remember when mine was. It was April 2016, two months after I asked him out. My sister was having a baby shower, and I woke up missing Femi terribly. We were still early in the relationship, but he was so different from anything I had ever experienced.
GTBank was also having its Eat Drink Festival on the same day, and Femi was performing. While I had to run some errands for my sister, I had an overwhelming urge to see him. When he finally came around to say hi, a wave just came over me. Later that night, I told a friend about how I felt, and she said, “Ini, you’re in love.” That’s when it clicked.
I left the event with Femi that night and told him, “I love you.” I was nervous, but I meant it.
Femi: I’d been in love with Ini for years at that point, so it felt like she was just playing catch-up. But hearing her say those words was so special. I had known from the beginning that I was going to marry HER. Even before we started dating, I told her, “I’m not here to just date you. I’m here to marry you.”
I proposed in 2017, a year after we started dating, and we got married in April 2018.
Read Joy and Declan’s love story where they talk about evolving from close friendship to secret makeouts while Joy had a boyfriend, why bad timing always kept them apart, and how the Catholic Church’s stance on contraception is now the biggest obstacle to taking things to the next level.
Sweet. Would you say marriage was any different from your relationship?
Femi: Surprisingly, no. The only difference was moving in together, but everything else has stayed the same. We’ve grown, evolved, and built a beautiful life together. I tell Ini every day that I love her more now than I did yesterday. Sometimes I wonder, “Did I even love her back then?” Because what I feel now doesn’t compare.
We’ve weathered storms together, but we’ve come out stronger. We have three kids, and our home is filled with love every single day.
Ini: I definitely agree with Femi.
Speaking of weathering storms, what’s the hardest thing you’ve faced as a couple?
Femi: Almost losing Ini during childbirth. Three times.
I was broken — almost helpless. It was like, this is my person, and she’s slipping away. What am I supposed to do?
I’m sorry
Femi: We’ve gone through other things, but nothing comes close to a life-and-death situation. However, those experiences drew us closer. I remember nobody could get me to ever leave Ini’s side.
Curious. Did you have near-death experiences with all three of your kids?
Ini: Yes. All three were C-sections. With the first, we didn’t know it would be necessary until much later. The hospital mishandled it, and that led to complications that affected my second and third births.
We had our first two children in Nigeria and the last in Nairobi. With our second, we didn’t even realise I was pregnant until I was seven months in. It was during COVID, and my stomach barely showed. We assumed it was hormonal bloating. By the time we found out, there was no time for proper hospital runs.
The doctor saw complications during my second C-section but didn’t fix them—probably out of fear or inexperience. By the time I got pregnant with our third, the doctors in Nairobi had to correct everything.
Hmmm
Ini: And childbirth wasn’t the only challenge — life kept happening. We juggled rent, parenting, school fees, debts, career uncertainty, and the general chaos of figuring out our next phase. Going to Nairobi was an obedience journey. Before we left Nigeria, God had asked us to sell everything and sow into people’s lives.
We were practically homeless while I carried our third child, and didn’t know what to do, so we just waited for God’s directive. He sent us to Nairobi, and we didn’t know why. But he did so we could meet this doctor who fixed our issues.
We lost so many people because they didn’t understand our journey or why we were doing it. Some even just stopped talking to us. It was a lot, but going through it together also solidified our union. What we have has transcended marriage; I don’t think we can bond more than this.
I’m sorry. You mentioned the second child wasn’t planned, what about the third?
Ini: Not one of our children was planned. I remember getting pregnant with the first six months into our marriage and telling myself, “I don’t want to go through this again.”
Then it happened again in 2020. The third was an instruction from God. We obeyed, and we welcomed our third child in January 2023.
Hmmm. What did you learn from these experiences?
Femi: Resilience. Sometimes, you don’t know how strong you are until you’re tested.
As a couple, we’ve survived things that broke other homes, and it’s made me realise just how much strength we have together.
Ini: I’ve learnt that God brings two people together for a reason. Marriage is war. It’s not child’s play. It’s a sacred journey, and the devil is always trying to attack it. You have to be deliberate about protecting it.
Above all, love transcends everything. It transcends offence, sacrifices, and expectations. It encompasses everything.
Neat. Have you guys had any major fight yet?
Femi: We’ve definitely had many.
Ini: It’s more like a build-up of multiple things that led to resentment, and the defining one happened in 2023. By then, we had realised that if we didn’t deal with our issues, it could signal the end.
For instance, when we were coming back to Nigeria from Nairobi, I’d made up my mind that I was going to my parents. I remember having a conversation outside in the freezing cold, and we concluded that we had built so much and couldn’t throw it all away.
What were some of these issues?
Ini: It wasn’t just one thing. The thing with building resentment is that you think you’re the one who is most offended until you hear the part you played in it all. I remember Femi pouring out his heart and it just broke me. I also realised I wasn’t the only one considering leaving. Mentally, emotionally he had checked out.
Femi: By then, we had lost everything. God had instructed us to sell everything we had and move, but the transition was tough. We had no possessions, two kids who were constantly sick, and no idea what the future held. Long and short, we were poor and the stress got to us.
Ini: “It’s not that we didn’t have family members who could help, but like I mentioned earlier, we lost some along the way, especially those who didn’t understand our journey. They questioned our parenting, and there were lots of “Did God really say this?”, “What’s the plan now that you sold everything?” So it was like God wanted to teach us to depend on him and ourselves.
The thing about going through life is, the person you love the most will bear the brunt of what you’re dealing with. Even as we tried to hold each other, we didn’t realise we were hurting each other. It was easy to nitpick, be angry and be offended about not touching each other, the lack of money and mood swings.
Femi: The external factors were also a lot to handle. We would have been perfectly fine if it had just been Ini and me as husband and wife, with everything else stripped away. But there was just a lot going on outside of us — caring for two kids who were constantly sick and squatting from house to house.
How did you move forward?
Ini: The conversation in Nairobi helped us understand that we had to build again from scratch. But we’ve also matured as a couple over time. We’ve learnt that nobody is going anywhere and whatever issues we’re facing have to be dealt with. However, there’s also the need for understanding the right time.
But we’re on a constant learning journey to mature, take deep breaths, and be kind to each other.
Sweet. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Femi: First of all, let me be vain — my wife is absolutely stunning. I love looking at her. But beyond that, she’s my greatest cheerleader. No matter what happens outside, I know that when I step into our home, I’m her king. She defends me like her life depends on it. If the world is bashing me, Ini will stand in front of me and take the blows.
She’s also the most thoughtful person I know. If something is important to me, it’s important to her. I see it in the way she prays for me, supports my career, and makes sure I always feel seen and appreciated. And then there’s our kids — I look at them and see her in them, and that just makes me love her even more.
Ini: I love that I married a musician because music is such a huge part of my life. But beyond that, Femi is one of one. He is kind to his core, and I don’t think he even realises just how good of a person he is.
I love the way he makes me feel. My insecurities disappear when I’m with him because he never fails to remind me how much he loves and values me. When life gets overwhelming, he has his way of grounding me. He always knows what to say or do to make me feel safe.
And let’s not forget how intentional he is. This man wakes up every day and chooses me. No matter how busy life gets, I know that if I need him, he’ll drop everything to be there.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Ini: It’s an 11.5. Honestly, I don’t think anyone is doing romance like we are. Even before we got on this call, we were having a movie date afternoon. Every single day is intentional, and it’s in the way we prioritise each other, the way we still hold hands after all these years, the way he never forgets to touch me when we pass each other in the house. We’ve built something so strong that even when life happens, we find our way back to each other.
Femi: Same rating. A way to know your marriage is solid is by looking at your kids. Our children are happy, thriving, and full of love. That wouldn’t be possible if we weren’t doing something right as partners. Ini is my greatest cheerleader. I’m a better man and better father because of her. The sex is great, too!
Ini: It is amazing!
Femi: I know, right? But yeah, life is beautiful, and I’m looking forward to the future.
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