Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
How did you two meet?
Bamidele: It was something like a blind date in 2018.
A female friend at the office had been telling me about her for some months. But I didn’t want to get someone’s number and start getting to know them over the phone. And I’d been too busy with work and personal projects to follow her to hang out with them.
Finally, she asked me out for drinks even though she was in a committed relationship. I knew she wanted me to meet the person she’d been trying to hook me up with, so I was like, “Let me just finally meet this person.” I went along with it, and that’s how we met.
Joyce: It was completely blind for me. I didn’t know this friend of ours wanted to introduce me to anyone. I went to this lounge innocently and found myself on a blind date. It was the first time I’d ever been in that kind of situation. The friend left us, and we just sat there, talking a bit, trying to be cool.
Sounds like it was awkward
Joyce: Kind of. We weren’t really giving each other a chance. I don’t think we thought we’d ever see each other again.
Bamidele: That’s not true. I thought you were chill and wouldn’t have minded seeing you again.
Joyce: But you didn’t even ask for my number or socials.
Bamidele: I was absentminded. I guess a part of me knew I could get that from our friend, which I did much later.
So what happened after the first date?
Joyce: We didn’t see each other until our friend invited me for a get-together on her boyfriend’s street like two months later, and he was there.
About an hour after I arrived, we somehow drifted to each other and said hi. He told me he got my number from our friend and asked if he could call me later. I said he was free to. I remember thinking, “Why is this one forming?”
Bamidele: I wasn’t forming o. I was just extremely busy because my job at the time was killing me with work. I probably didn’t have any social activity between our blind date and that second meeting. My life was pretty much work and sleep that year.
Joyce: Anyway, he didn’t call until the following week.
He just called one Saturday night while I was watching Netflix. I almost didn’t pick up, but thank God for Truecaller. When I saw his name, I was surprised and really curious. We talked for like 30 seconds, then he said he’d chat me up on WhatsApp. Like an hour later, I got the ping, and that’s how we chatted on and off for the rest of the night. We talked about his work, my family, his trips out of Lagos and the movie I was watching.
Bamidele: It was a nice, light conversation. I like the way she answered and asked questions.
Joyce: But then, that was it for another month.
Bamidele: I had a huge project at work for the rest of the month, so I couldn’t really reach out.
Hmm. When did you now realise you liked each other?
Bamidele: The next month, I called and apologised for ghosting, and she made a joke out of it. I was like, “Why na?” I asked her if she wanted to hang out soon. We ended up going out for ice cream the next day, and I realised she could make a joke or witty statement out of anything. I thought that was really cool.
When we hung out again a week later, I found myself expecting the next joke and almost predicting the kind of statement she’d make every time I said something. Also, I noticed she had such a beautiful smile. I couldn’t not smile when she smiled.
Joyce: Meanwhile, I only make jokes like that when I’m nervous. My jokes help me cover my social anxiety, but I’m glad you find that beautiful.
I can’t tell when or how I started liking him. I just did. The first thing I admired about him was how serious he is about work. He’s so focused, and that’s why he’s now making plenty money for us. Also, he’s cute in that bookish way that’s so adorable. Lastly, he’s really smart. He helped me read for and pass one of my ICAN exams in 2019, and all my other exams since then.
That’s very important
Bamidele: That only happened after we started dating sha. Would I study for an exam with you if I don’t like you? No.
After we’d hung out about three times, I wanted to make it official. I asked her out during a beach hangout with my friends.
Joyce: It was really romantic but private; nobody knew he was asking me out. He took me out towards the water, and I was so happy when he said the words. Maybe it was the lagoon breeze blowing my head. I just accepted without even thinking twice.
When did like turn to love?
Joyce: I actually don’t know.
Bamidele: You never seem to know.
Joyce: Maybe because I’m always thinking of love as that over-the-top thing they describe in romance novels. Ours is very normal.
Bamidele: Wow. Ok o. Me too, I don’t know.
I just know that towards the end of 2019, I was ready to get married, so I started thinking deeply about our relationship and where it was going. Should I propose or not?
I was about to ask you to just move in with me when I met your mother.
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Huh?
Joyce: My father is no longer in the picture, so it’s just my mum and I. One day in January 2020, she insisted on meeting this guy I’d been claiming to date for over a year. I just told him, “My mum wants to meet you o. Will you come to my house?” Of course, he’d been to my house many times before, but only when my mother wasn’t around. I don’t even know why.
Bamidele: I eventually went with her to meet her mum, and as soon as I met her, I knew I wanted to marry Joyce.
No, my mother-in-law is a beautiful and kind woman. The way she treated me like I was already her son? She’d prepared a whole feast for us — amala and abula with ogufe and panla fish. She also bakes, so she made this moist chocolate cake with real chocolate in five slim layers. Then there were the juicy bananas she grew herself in her backyard.
I can’t even describe how full I was by the time I left the house that day. And we talked and talked about everything from work, business and the state of the country, to football and celebrity gist. She’s so easygoing, I can’t believe she’s a Yoruba mother.
By the time, I left the house, I was sure Joyce was the one for me, LOL.
Joyce: Thank you, Mummy.
How did the proposal and wedding go?
Bamidele: I took her back to the same beach for the proposal, but this time, it was just the two of us. Nothing too dramatic — I got on one knee and had a nice ring that cost me my whole salary for a month.
Joyce: Sweet.
Bamidele: The proposal was in February 2020, and before we could say, “Jack” or start thinking of family introductions, COVID started. Next thing we knew, lockdown.
We did the introductions right after the restrictions were lifted, in May/June, and took it slow from then on.
Joyce: My mum handled the wedding planning. She chose the aso-ebi and everything; she was in her element. I was kind of happy it couldn’t be as huge as she would’ve wanted because of COVID. I’ve always secretly wanted a quiet, close-knit ceremony. We had less than 20 people at the church and like 50/60 people at the traditional and reception — mostly close family members and our bestest friends. God did it.
Amen. What was your first major fight about?
Joyce: We actually don’t fight.
Bamidele: We’ve never fought.
Joyce: It’s so strange. We always look at each other when people say things like “Everyone fights, even people who are deeply in love”. But that’s never been us.
You mean, you’ve never disagreed?
Bamidele: Not really. Not in the real sense. We might want different things a lot, but we always come to some sort of agreement, and that has never led to a fight or quarrel.
Joyce: I just hope if it eventually happens, it won’t end up being an explosive one.
Bamidele: But I don’t think so. We’re not the kind of people to have explosive fights if at all. I’ve never had an explosive fight with anyone, why would I now have one with my wife?
Fair enough. How has this relationship been different from past ones?
Bamidele: Now that I think about it, the lack of fights.
Also, how involved my mother-in-law is. She’s very present, offering advice and helping us manage our finances. It may sound weird, but it’s so convenient. She takes the burden of taking care of our son off us completely. My own mother is jealous, but she lives all the way in Ilorin. I don’t want to uproot her from the life she’s established there.
Joyce: For me, it’s the fact that we’re married. I’ve never been married before. That’s definitely different. This is for life now.
What’s the best thing about being married to each other?
Joyce: Being able to leverage each other’s strengths.
For example, our combined earning power has helped us carry out many projects I doubt I’d have been able to see through on my own. We’ve just made a down payment for a property in Ibeju Lekki, and we’re about to buy land in Osapa London. I’ve always wanted to own property, but I honestly don’t think I could’ve done it alone.
Also, we get to use each other’s networks to get ahead at work and scale our businesses. As I mentioned earlier, his advanced knowledge has helped me pass many certification exams I would’ve been cracking my head to pass on my own. Combining our knowledge makes us twice as smart. He’s more or less my career mentor.
Bamidele: Everything she said plus the constant companionship.
I also want to add that her mother has been a great addition to my life. She makes things so easy between us without being a burden in any way. She’s loving, supportive and great with our son.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Joyce: I think he loves my mum too much, so I’ll say 6 or 7.
Bamidele: Wow. I’m sorry o. For me, 8. But I think it can only get better.
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