Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Dayo: My cousin and I were sitting outside our house one evening in 2012 when I first came across her handle on Twitter. The private university banter was trending then; that was how I knew she attended Covenant University. We became TL buddies very quickly, and because Twitter didn’t have DMs at the time, that was the closest we were. Even when the DM feature became available, we still moved to Yahoo Messenger.
Tinuke: I’d say my earliest memory of Dayo was in 2014 when we started chatting in the DM. Yes, we were somehow cordial on the TL, but I didn’t really pay any attention to him until we started chatting in the DMs, and it took two years for that to happen.
What was the TL banter like?
Dayo: She was pretty friendly. I’ve had bad experiences talking with ladies on the TL, but Tinu was different. She’d reply to me as soon as I tweeted at her. She was unlike other people who ignored or insulted me. And since everything was on the TL, it was always so embarrassing. Once, I tried to edit someone’s tweet and reply with something funny, and I got the insult of my life.
Tinuke: He was actually funny and full of positive energy whenever we interacted on the TL.
Dayo: Thinking about it now, she’s right — we didn’t start talking properly until 2014 when the DM feature became available.
I’m curious. How did that first DM conversation go?
Tinuke: He asked for my email address. I was in school then, and we weren’t allowed to use phones. But we could communicate via Yahoo Messenger.
Dayo: I don’t remember the details, but I know the interaction was short-lived. We also didn’t have a lot in common then. I was just a teenager attracted to a pretty girl.
What about Yahoo Messenger? Was it any different?
Tinuke: I really don’t remember us chatting on Yahoo Messenger.
Dayo: The truth is, I tried to reach out many times, but I was fighting a losing battle with my 3G network.
Mad. So, when did things progress between you two?
Tinuke: Our communication became more consistent for a while in 2014, and I got to know more about him. I think it was at this point that we developed some level of friendship.
Dayo: I agree. We got really close between 2014 and 2015 because of our frequent communication. I was in school at the time, and I would tell her about my insecurities and fear about failure in the future. But Tinu is a big-time believer and would drop aspire to maguire type motivation for me. Her words really helped me, and they were part of what fuelled my passion for my current career path. She would also tell me about her work and relationship issues, and I would console her.
How did you feel about her relationship status, Dayo?
Dayo: I enjoyed our friendship and didn’t try to change the dynamic. Plus, it felt like we were in a relationship because we had funny pet names and would occasionally flirt on the TL. But that was about it.
Tinuke: Yes. It was all jokes from my end.
Did you friendzone him because you were dating?
Tinuke: Not really. I never knew about his feelings because he never told me anything. So I innocently saw him as a friend the entire time.
Right. So what happened next?
Dayo: We stopped communicating around 2015 when I took a long break from Twitter to focus on school and my career.
Tinuke: I didn’t know why the communication fizzled out. I just knew he would pop in once every two years to say “Hi” and go off again.
Dayo: Even while I was away from Twitter she always crossed my mind, and whenever she did, I popped in to say “hi” and went off again. Our TL chitchat stopped, the DMs became shorter, and we lost contact for a long time because she changed her handle.
Tinu: Dayo also sent his once-in-a-blue-moon messages with a changed handle every time. He changed his handles so much that I forgot about him.
Dayo: I didn’t find her account until 2023.
Curious. Did you both pursue other romantic interests during this hiatus?
Dayo: For the longest time, I didn’t. I was more concerned with focusing on school. I noticed some other people, but it didn’t amount to anything serious. However, I was in a relationship around 2023 when I found Tinuke again.
Tinuke: I got into a relationship in 2015, and at around the same time, my communication with Dayo took a nosedive. But I was already single again by the time we reunited in 2023.
Right. Talk to me about the reunion
Dayo: Well, in 2023, I got tired of Lagos and needed to change my environment. But I didn’t decide until June 2024, because I was in a short-lived relationship that eventually ended in August because of genotype issues. I had no idea Tinu was also in Ibadan because I’ve always known her to be a Lagos babe. When we reconnected and spoke, I found out she had relocated to Ibadan for work. I was genuinely happy about her progress and all. I also asked about her husband and kid, because we didn’t communicate for so long and I assumed she was already taken. However, she said she wasn’t even in a relationship, let alone married with a child. After hearing that, I really wanted us to hang out for the first time since 2012 when our paths first crossed. But our meeting didn’t happen until October 2024, and I specifically told her I wanted to marry her on that day.
Tinuke: I moved to Ibadan from Lagos a few years ago and had no idea he was following me on Snapchat. Every now and then, he’d drop random comments on my posts, and I’d acknowledge them, but I couldn’t quite place who he was. Eventually, his face clicked, and I remembered him from Twitter. The first time I properly responded to him on Snapchat, I called him by the wrong name. He corrected me, and I had to admit I didn’t remember him. He laughed, reintroduced himself, and from there, we started talking again. That’s when I found out he had also moved to Ibadan.
At the time, I didn’t have many friends in the city, and the few family members I had, I barely saw. So when he suggested we meet up, it felt like a good idea. I figured I’d have someone to explore Ibadan with. I wasn’t thinking too much about it; I was just excited to finally meet someone I hadn’t seen in 12 years.
How did you feel about his marriage proposal, Tinuke?
Tinuke: I thought he was joking and simply laughed it off.
Dayo: The truth is, it wasn’t the first time I’d confessed my feelings. I did that on Snapchat before, but I was even more determined to ask for her hand in marriage when we met in person. Over the years, the age difference between us had stalled me from taking action—I wasn’t confident enough. I also didn’t know her exact age, but I knew she was older, especially because she was in her final year when we started talking. However, enough time had passed to build my confidence.
Right
Tinuke: Anyway, the conversation ended there. I was flattered, but that was about it. It didn’t move me; I thought it was the usual tactical move by men.
Was the age difference ever a problem, though?
Tinuke: It was something I eventually had to think about and seek counsel on when I figured he was serious about his proposal. We had more conversations after that meetup in October, and I told him to give me some time to think. I spoke to some trusted people in my circle, and they made me see the reason it wasn’t a big deal. But I was still bothered, especially about what our families would think of our dynamics. I didn’t want to involve myself in any such drama. But after a lot more counseling, I realised that it wasn’t that bad. Maybe it would have been when we started talking in 2012–I definitely would have said NO because we were both inexperienced. But for our age,29 and 31, as of 2024, I felt it was fine. And aside from the age, I was comfortable with his personality and level of maturity. We were on the same page on most things, and all these factors made me confident in my choice.
Nice. Was this when you started dating?
Dayo: Dating? I won’t call it dating because I almost immediately started talking about meeting her parents and picking a date for our marriage. But yes, we started spending more time together. We would visit Agodi Gardens from time to time, enjoying each other’s company over suya and soft drinks. We’d talk about what we wanted in a marriage and other important matters. All of these times spent together allowed me to get to know her more and further confirmed my standpoint: she was the right woman for me.
Tinuke: He was waiting for my “yes” this entire period, but we hung out every other weekend. We even started using the same workspace just to spend time together. Low-key, I was waiting for his energy to drop after two weeks or a month, but that never happened.
Apart from the age difference, was there any other reason to stall?
Tinuke: I just wanted to be sure I wanted this as much as he did. And he finally got his answer on November 9, 2024–to be his girlfriend and wife.
Sweet. Dayo, you mentioned earlier that you were in a short-lived relationship that ended in August. Do you think you sat with your feelings long enough to know this wasn’t a rebound?
Dayo: I’d say my journey with Tinuke is beyond the natural. In my natural self, I’d have pushed for a regular relationship…you know, one that goes through the entire “getting-to-know-you ” and proper dating phase. However, I felt a strong conviction within me that this was meant to be. That’s why I never asked to date her and instead pushed for marriage.
Tinuke: I knew he had just gotten out of a relationship but didn’t know how much time had passed between his breakup and when he asked me out. However, I didn’t want to linger in the past, especially because I knew why they broke up. I didn’t want our relationship to start with discussing exes and past relationships. Again, because it was a genotype-related issue, Dayo seemed to have moved on, and I didn’t want to dwell on it or make it seem like I doubted his feelings for me. I also didn’t want him to feel forced to talk about past issues. There was a free flow of communication between us, and I picked what I needed from those exchanges. Eventually, I was convinced we’d both put in effort to keep our relationship clean and shut down old doors before we started our journey.
Neat. How did your families react to you talking about marriage barely six weeks after reconnecting?
Tinuke: My family didn’t bother asking how long we’d been together before deciding to get married.
Dayo: My dad was confused because one minute, I wanted someone, and the next, I wanted yet another person. He kept asking if I knew what I wanted. My mum, on the other hand, was only concerned about the genotype. Even after I told her Tinu was AA, she insisted I get tested myself because the last person also claimed to be AA. But at the same time, she also didn’t take me seriously until I showed up in December and informed her I was going to meet Tinu’s parents. She and my dad realised I was serious, and they went into their ‘African prayer warrior’ mode. Eventually, they prayed about it and said Tinu was good for me, and she eventually met them in January.
Nice. How would you describe the last four months of your relationship?
Tinu: It’s been quite the ride. It almost feels as though we’ve been dating for years. I’ve dated other people, and being with Dayo has been a very refreshing experience for me. I used to be a believer in dating for a long time, gradually getting to know and adjusting to each other. I always believed this process should take time, but it’s quite spontaneous with Dayo. I find myself doing things without being cajoled. However, I’ll also say it has taken a lot of intentionality to be attuned to each other’s needs. But he has it all so easy; this man worships the ground I walk on. He loves and cares for me, pays so much attention to my needs, even down to the colour of my favourite jewellery. I feel seen in this relationship, and I feel at peace.
Dayo: I’d say the life I was living before has been completely different from the last four months. I’m someone who used to live life on my terms, but that has changed since having Tinu in my life. She’s a mindful and super caring person. I’ve seen her treat others with so much kindness, and this is something I continue to learn from her. She’s constantly tipping when we step out, and I’ve learned to be intentional about giving through her. Also, everything she does for strangers, she does for me as well. Overall, I’ve just become a better person because of her.
Tinu: And on February 14, he popped the question properly and asked me to marry him in the presence of my best friends.
Sweet. Have you guys had a major fight yet?
Tinu: Not really fights, but we’ve had moments of disagreement. However, we have this unspoken rule “the quarrel has to die that same day; it can’t be carried over.” So, we always have to talk about our issues as quickly as possible. But I’m also not one who wants to address issues immediately; sometimes, I want to take time in and process things first. I’ve found that I can snap sometimes, and Dayo is a soft boy, I always put it at the back of my mind to be as gentle as possible so I don’t hurt him.
Dayo: I agree. We’ve not really had fights, but I’ll say she’s quite blunt. However, there are times when she wants to take her time to process things before reacting; meanwhile, I want to address issues as they come up because I find it hard to function knowing I’m not cool with my person. But like she said, we now have an unspoken rule of resolving issues on the same day they come up, and it helps our relationship.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Tinu: 10, it’s perfect. Not because there won’t be challenges ahead, but because we are intentional about going through them together as one.
Dayo: It’s also a 10 for me. It doesn’t feel like a burden, and I love that for us.
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