Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Kachi*, 31, and Sarimah*, 24, have been friends with benefits for seven months. Today on Love Life, they talk about having casual sex while living together, dating other people and what they want from a relationship in the future.
How did you two meet?
Sarimah: I met him on Twitter in December 2019. You know how you just flirt randomly with people on the internet. A lot of times you don’t think you’re actually going to fuck them. I was in Abuja and he was in Lagos so we were just flirting with no plans to see each other.
We kept texting on and off on Twitter. I would send him messages randomly. Talk about what’s going on in my life. He would do the same.
Kachi: Yup. Then after a while, our texts became sexts.
Who sent the first sext?
Sarimah: I don’t remember how that happened because it was so easy to talk to him. We exchanged nudes and videos. You know, just random risky, sexy things.
Kachi: That continued for a couple of months until we met in May 2021. She moved to Lagos in April and we planned to hang out.
What was meeting each other like?
Sarimah: There was a lot of traffic so I took a bike to his estate. I called him when I got to the gate. I was still on the phone with him trying to locate his house when I saw someone that looked like him but this person was bald. I said, “Bald?” and he said, “oh, that’s my brother.” That’s how I found his house.
Kachi: Meeting her was fun. We laughed a lot.
Sarimah: We started making out while we were gisting and then we had sex. We both liked it so after that day, we kept seeing each other. I would go to his house, spend the week and be back home by weekend.
We are friends with benefits. We sleep with each other often but we also sleep with other people.
Kachi: We use protection with other people so we can keep each other safe.
What has the relationship been like so far?
Kachi: It’s been great, to be honest. We’ve been trying a lot of things together.
Things like?
Kachi: Currently, we are exploring different ways of pleasure that don’t involve ejaculating.
Sarimah: Because we are both afraid of having kids.
Kachi: LOL. Plus she’s bisexual. I am straight but I am open to exploring anything within the confines of my sexuality. We’ve had threesomes with other women and they were nice.
And nobody has caught feelings?
Kachi: LOL. That happened recently. We had been seeing other people since we started having sex and Sarimah was fine with it. Recently, I went out on a date and she realised she wasn’t as okay as she thought she was.
What happened, Sarimah?
Sarimah: Last week, he went out on a date. He picked out his clothes days before. When I saw it, in my mind, I was like, “When it’s not a traditional wedding.” I was curious about why this date was so special.
It was funny because I went on a date with a girl some days before his date and I was really excited about it. I am embarrassed to say that I was threatened by his date and I realised that if anything happened to jeopardise the relationship we have, I would be sad.
Did you tell him this?
Kachi: She did and I wasn’t surprised. I am used to it. It’s natural because we have been with each other for a while now and we like each other. Jealousy is definitely going to pop in. I protect myself by not having any information about her sexcapades, except if it’s with a woman. She didn’t mind the details of my sex life but that date showed otherwise.
How did you deal with it?
Sarimah: Initially I didn’t want to talk to him about it but eventually I did. We decided I would come up with a hack of my own. He also said that his date and he were going to be just friends and I felt relieved, LMAO.
Kachi: Honestly, Sarimah tried for lasting this long without acting out. In previous relationships with women that looked like this, within weeks, we would have issues about the other women I was seeing. Sarimah lasted seven months. Thumbs up, babe.
Sarimah: LOL
Do you two fight?
Sarimah: Yeah, but it’s never too bad and always about petty stuff.
Kachi: One time, we were having sex. She had orgasms and went to sleep without helping me get mine. I told her this was the first strike and if she does a third time, I’m done. She didn’t like that and she got angry with me. We argued about it for a bit. I apologised and left the room. Later, she figured out that she was taking it out of proportion.
Sarimah: Yea, aside from that, we don’t fight. We just argue a bit about an issue and move on. It’s also not about who’s right and who’s wrong. We both want to understand where the other person is coming from.
The difference between us is that he is nonconfrontational while I, on the other hand, would talk about whatever upsets me as soon as it happens. That’s something that he’s planning to work on though.
Kachi: This relationship is an experiment for both of us. I’ve never lived with anyone I was having a thing with and I realize this is the sort of the thing I would like when I get married. I mean, we would have separate rooms but having sex with other people while married would be my ideal life.
Sarimah: Me too.
Nice. What’s the best part of this relationship?
Sarimah: I like that we are nice and sweet to each other. The relationship feels warm to me. Honestly, I’m having a good time. Being with him doesn’t stop me from living my life. I also like when we do things together. I am thinking of what I would choose over this and nothing is coming to mind.
Kachi: I like how easy everything is with her.
Hmm. Is it possible that Sarimah could be the one in this future?
Sarimah: Me, I’ve offered to propose to him and he said I should bring a ring. So, who knows.
Kachi: Yeah and I need to be ready for it. LOL.
What is your favourite thing about each other?
Kachi: I like how introspective she is. Whenever she has issues, she looks inward first. Another thing I like about her is that she likes to touch people. It’s not something I was used to but I have grown to like it. She’s also a spoilt child and I like to yab her. Overall, she’s a fine babe with really nice lips.
Sarimah: He’s so pretty and I like pretty boys. He is also kind. He gives me warmth that allows me to be myself. Plus I like having sex with him.
Rate this relationship on a scale of 1-10.
Sarimah: 10. I like that we both want the same thing out of the relationship and in the future.
Kachi: 10. I don’t feel any pressure to impress or pretend to be the perfect boyfriend. This is just cohabitation.
Sarimah: Yup.
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