Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Stephanie: That would be when I met him online in September 2023. It was during a midnight group call on WhatsApp. I remember getting the call notification from the group which I joined for the sake of trying to put myself out there, but had considered leaving.
What was this group about?
Stephanie: It was mostly a group of school kids. Kaima and I went to different secondary schools in Lagos but students from different schools knew each other and formed groups to stay in touch and plan outings.
Kaima: That was it for me, too. The call happened during summer, and it was a boring time for most of us who had just graduated. We barely left our houses, so calling friends was the most interesting thing we had going on.
So what happened during this call?
Stephanie: It was mostly guys who knew each other, just gisting about different things. I only knew one person, which was why I joined in the first place, but I didn’t say anything.
Kaima: We mostly never had talking points. We just jumped from one topic to another, mostly discussing our university admission progress. That day, my friend and I noticed Stephanie was on the call but wasn’t saying anything. We tried to get her to introduce herself, and when she spoke, we realised she had a very attractive voice. However, that was it for me until I woke up to a text message from her the next morning.
Stephanie: After the call, most of the guys slid into my DM trying to befriend me, but I wasn’t interested. Kaima, however, didn’t text me. I noticed this and sent him a message. I also sent the message because, even though I didn’t participate in the group’s activities, I noticed how active he was, which made me think he was among his peers. So, I wanted to be his friend.
Any reason why you didn’t text her, Kaima?
Kaima: I probably would have, but I fell asleep before the call ended, so I didn’t get the chance.
So what was that first conversation like?
Kaima: I don’t remember the exact details, but I remember how I felt. Stephanie was so interesting and easy to talk to; she never gave short or passive responses. The conversation just kept flowing, and it felt like it would never end. And in the days that followed, we kept talking.
Stephanie: Funny enough, I was actually terrible at making conversations, but I really didn’t want to lose his friendship. After the call that day, I sent a text asking why his friends called him a weird name. He responded the next morning, and from there, we hit it off. I soon realised that Kaima and I were basically the same people in different bodies. We liked and disliked the same things, had similar ideologies and religious beliefs, watched the same TV shows, and listened to the same podcasts. Talking to him felt like a breath of fresh air.
Kaima: I also realised we both had similar experiences at home.
What kind of experiences?
Kaima: Nothing too serious. We both had strict parents bothering us with work while we were waiting for admission into university. We also had annoying siblings and had to follow our parents to work sometimes.
Stephanie: We spoke about how we had less freedom compared to our peers. When our friends made plans to hang out, they rarely invited us because they knew we couldn’t leave the house at will. So, I guess you could say we found solace in speaking together about it. Kaima was already my friend, but he was gradually becoming my best friend.
Kaima: I became so free with Stephanie and could tell her everything, but even better was how she always had the right words to make me feel better. In between all of this, I started developing feelings for her. She didn’t know it because, to her, she was simply being herself and a good friend. But she was slowly making me a happier person.
Sweet. How long did this friendship phase last?
Stephanie: Two weeks.
Hmmm. Was it because things progressed between you?
Stephanie: Yes. Kaima eventually told me how he felt. Even though I’d started feeling the same way, I kept it to myself because I wanted to build a strong friendship first. However, when he asked me out, I couldn’t bring myself to say no, so I went with it. At the very least, I told myself that if things didn’t work out, we could always remain friends.
Kaima: Two weeks seemed like enough time for me to decide to take the next step with her. But I have to admit, I was nervous and unsure when I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Why?
Kaima: I generally never had luck with girls before that. If she said yes, she would be my first girlfriend.
Stephanie, you mentioned earlier that you couldn’t say no. Why’s that?
Stephanie: I struggle with turning people down when it comes to relationships. But beyond that, I knew Kaima had struggled with girls in the past, and I didn’t want our friendship to end just because I wasn’t 100% ready to have a relationship.
I see. So, what were the early days of dating like?
Kaima: They were good days. Not much changed from our dynamics as friends, only that we now had an official label. We spent most of our free time talking to each other about everything. We transitioned from texting to spending hours on phone calls and got to know each other even better.
Stephanie: I agree. I think the major change for me was trying to put on this mask of perfection for Kaima. I wanted to do everything right and be the best girlfriend, but he was so intentional about making me feel comfortable and realising I didn’t have to change a thing or over exert myself. He kept saying I didn’t have to be a different Stephanie from before. That made our relationship really sweet and fun. Plus, I got him to try out all the TikTok relationship trends.
Did you get to spend time together?
Kaima: No. We still haven’t met in person. Our parents are strict, so planning a date has been difficult. Even worse, she schools in Ebonyi while I’m in Lagos.
Stephanie: Right now, we are saving up and trying to match our school calendars to plan a date.
Neat. Any reason why you proceeded with the relationship considering the distance?
Stephanie: I had a couple of reasons and top on that list is the fact that I really like Kaima. Secondly, he is a genuinely kind and intentional person, and I decided that I won’t lose him just because I didn’t want a long-distance relationship or one that mostly resided online. Moreover, we both live in Lagos, so it’s not like we’ll never get the chance to see each other.
And how has long distance been?
Kaima: I think it’s equal parts difficult and easy. In the early days, I felt a lot of uncertainty about how long we’d last. I’ve seen many of our peers get into long-distance relationships that barely made it past two to three months. But we’ve been going strong for over a year now. My friends still joke about how long we’ve lasted, but we don’t pay them any mind. We do our best to prioritise frequent communication, and that has really helped us stay the course.
Stephanie: It was pretty easy at first,but, it got harder over time, especially when I saw couples around me or during moments when I really I needed him to be there physically. We also didn’t get lots of encouragement from our peers who always thought we couldn’t pull through. But just as he mentioned, constant communication has helped us; we both have PhDs in it.
We talk so often that I now know him better than anyone else. It’s made trust and love come easily. And when we do miss each other — because those moments come — again, we talk and just be there for each other.
Nice. Have you had a major fight yet?
Stephanie: Arguments here and there, but nothing blown out of proportion. One of our earliest discussions as a couple was deal breakers that would guarantee the end of the relationship. We did that so we would draw boundaries for our relationship and this has prevented heated arguments or fights.
Kaima: We spent a lot of time asking each other about ourselves: our likes, dislikes, pet peeves, and others. We’ve had conversations about personal boundaries and basically anything involving the negative parts of relationships and our opinions on them.
What are some of those deal breakers and possible consequences?
Stephanie: They are usual ones — no cheating of any kind, no insults or blatant disrespect to the other person in private or public, and no abuse of any kind.
Kaima: For example, if she cheats, it could mean the end of the relationship.
Stephanie: Something happened recently. I’ve always liked wearing short clothes, especially since I live alone and rarely go out. I also take pictures and send them out as streaks, and sometimes, when I’ve stepped out in them. However, Kaima wasn’t really comfortable with it, so he brought it up. At first I didn’t like it because it felt like he was controlling, but we spoke about it and reached a compromise on the kind of clothes I wear.
Kaima: I agree that it initially came off as controlling, but we resolved it by agreeing on certain outfits when she’s out in public.
Right. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Stephanie: I get both a best friend and soulmate in one person. I can go from talking about a traumatic event to laughing with him in the same minute. He’s never judgmental, and he’s the kindest person you’ll ever meet. He’s also generous, intentional about our relationship, and pushes me to be better in every way.
Kaima: I know that Stephanie is always in my corner no matter what happens. She’s my confidant through the good and bad times and’ll go to any length to support me. I don’t take that for granted.
How do you envision the future of this relationship?
Stephanie: I’ve found my soulmate. It’s as simple as that. I plan on growing old and experiencing life with him.
Kaima: I believe nothing is stopping our relationship from infinitely moving forward. I see us getting married.
Sweet. What are you looking forward to the most when you finally meet?
Kaima: I can’t wait to discover other parts of her that can only be experienced when we meet in person.
Stephanie: It’s happening this June during my school break. We’re both attending an event at our secondary school. But yes, I just want to exist in the same space as him.
Nice. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Stephanie: It’s a 10. We enjoy each other’s company, we’re best friends, and we’re both committed to becoming the best versions of ourselves.
Kaima: Can I give us an 11/10? Because there isn’t a single negative in this relationship. We understand each other perfectly, and we wouldn’t want things to be any other way.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
