Kiki, 26, and Taiye, 26, have been dating for seven years. Today on Love Life, they talk about meeting at their school’s exco office, starting a friendship for four months before dating and how they dealt with the threat of infidelity in their relationship.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Kiki: In 2013, when I was in 100 level, I saw his picture in a book I was given at orientation. I told my best friend I had a crush on him but I didn’t get to meet him till I was in 200 level.
Taiye: I was the general secretary of my department at school. She had issues with the courses she was registering for her second year so she was directed to my office by the president of the department.
Kiki: When I got to his office, I saw he was the guy I had a crush on but I was in so much trouble that I was just crying.
Taiye: I told her to calm down, that we were going to sort out everything together.
Kiki: And we did. After that day, we didn’t see each other again until after two weeks. I said hi to him. I realised that we didn’t even know each other’s names. It was the third time we met that I asked him for his name and number because he didn’t seem interested in asking. That’s how we became friends.
Taiye, did you want to be friends?
Taiye: I didn’t want new friends, but I indulged her. I remember the first time she called to hang out. I thought it was weird because I wasn’t interested in dating.
We met on campus that evening, and I started to find her interesting. She told me about her childhood and how she didn’t have friends.
I noticed I was looking forward to talking to her. We formed a routine. We’d either meet in between classes or after school in her school hostel.
Kiki: I also dragged him to a particular spot on campus in the evenings where we sat down and I rated the outfits of everyone that passed by.
Taiye: She also invited me to her church. From time to time, she’d send me music to listen to. I liked that she liked Asa and Fela. When we went home for the Christmas break, we stayed in touch via texts and calls.
One day, she sent me pictures of her Christmas clothes and I remember thinking, “This woman makes sense o.” I had caught feelings but I still wasn’t ready for a relationship.
The next semester, we spent even more time together. My friends started complaining that I rarely saw them.
Kiki: Then out of the blue, he asked me out.
Please hold on. Let’s walk small before we start running.
Taiye: It wasn’t out of the blue per se. I had been thinking about it since we resumed in January 2015. We spent a lot of time together, and I really enjoyed it. I thought to myself, “Why aren’t we dating sef?” So I decided to ask her out. I dislike the fanfare on Valentine’s day, so I chose to do it before then.
On the 7th of February, I went to see her in her hostel as usual. We were talking for the first few minutes before I said, “Kiki, we’ve been friends for a while now and I want you to be my friend for a longer period. I want to always be comfortable around you so would you like to date me?”
And she started laughing.
LOL. Kiki?
Kiki: Well, I wasn’t expecting it. I had liked him for a while but I thought he wasn’t interested in a relationship. Hearing him say those words felt great. It’s something I wanted so I said, “Sure, I would be your woman,” and that’s how we’ve been dating for seven years now.
Mad. How has your relationship been over the years?
Taiye: Honestly, sometimes I can’t believe we’ve been dating that long. The relationship has been the best thing ever. It has made me a much better person. I’ve learned to communicate better over the years. We’ve been through different stages of the relationship. We lived together when we were both still in university. We became a long-distance couple when I graduated in 2016. Now we’re currently living in the same city but not together. Apart from the distance changes, nothing has changed between us. Our love for each other has always been constant.
Kiki: It’s beautiful to be in love with the same person for this long. When people say, “I married my best friend,” I get it because Taiye is my best friend. He was my first boyfriend and our relationship has just been seven years of pure friendship. Till today, whenever I see him after a long time, I run to him like a child. We’re still so happy with each other like we’re in the honeymoon phase. Even when we have bad days, we don’t hurt each other’s egos or make the other person feel smaller. Whatever issues we have, we deal with them together.
What attracts both of you to each other?
Taiye: First of all, she’s a very beautiful woman who has an amazing sense of fashion. She’s also articulate — she’s better with words than I am. Plus she’s very independent — it’s hard for her to succumb to external influences if she doesn’t want to do something.
Kiki: I’m attracted to how he listens to me. All I have to do is talk and he’s glued. His little laughs and words of encouragement is what keeps me going.
What’s the best part of the relationship?
Kiki: For me, it’s knowing I’m dating my friend. This is very important for me because I didn’t have a lot of friends.
When we started out as friends, it was nice to share things with him about my childhood and he’d comfort me. I’d also tell him about other stuff I was dealing with, and he was always helpful. He gives the best advice and even now when I’m going through anything, he’s the first person I want to share it with. I’m glad we found each other because I can’t imagine doing life without him.
Taiye: It’s also the best part for me. I enjoy being there for her. It makes me want to be a better person for myself.
Tell me about your biggest fight.
Kiki: In the third year of our relationship, I got close to his friend. He was going through some issues in his relationship and found comfort in talking to me. He got quite chummy with me — calling me sweet names etc — but it was really just friendship for me. Taiye read our chats one day and didn’t see it the way I saw it.
Taiye: The chat read romantic.
Kiki: Not from my end. I didn’t see those things as romantic until you said it. I didn’t know what I did was so bad. Taiye was so angry that evening that he threatened to leave the house. It was about 5 p.m.
I was really scared. I had to beg him on my knees. I was even crying. He was ready to walk away from our relationship.
Taiye: It pained me oh. I took a walk and thought of how to deal with the whole thing. This was happening at a time when we were transitioning to a long distance relationship because I had graduated and she was still in school. I was worried we’d break up. I was also angry with my best friend. I confronted my friend as well and after the conversation we had, I cut him off for a while.
Kiki: Do you believe I didn’t indulge him?
Taiye: When you explained it to me, I understood you. But it was hard for me.
Kiki: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.
Taiye: I know and that’s why I forgave you.
Kiki: I love you.
Taiye: I love you too.
I blame Desmond Elliot for this. Have you two discussed your future plans?
Taiye: Definitely. The only reason we’re not married is because we’re not ready yet. When we get married, everything else will fall into place.
I hope that works out. Rate your relationship on a scale of one to ten.
Taiye: 10 because I can’t benchmark our relationship. I see us as absolute and complete — if there’s something that’s not there yet, I know we’re going to work together to get it.
Kiki: 10 for me too. I love my relationship, and it’s perfect for me. Seven years later, and I am still so excited to be with him. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
