Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Cynthia*, 30, and Ezinne*, 29, have been dating for six months. Today on Love Life, they talk about getting in touch after reading each other’s stories on Zikoko and falling for each other despite being married.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Ezinne: I read her story on Zikoko and reached out because it was similar to mine — also published on Zikoko. I thought the woman in the story and I were living the same life. She was queer like me, married, had a kid and also felt unsatisfied with her life. I did some digging — reached out to Zikoko — and got her contact with her permission.
Cynthia: When Ezinne messaged me on Twitter, I liked that she sounded friendly. Texting flowed. She sent me her pictures and I thought she was a fine babe. I sent her my picture too, and we just kept texting.
What did you two talk about?
Ezinne: Random stuff mostly, but the conversations were deep. We talked about how much we love our jobs. I told her about planning for school. We both knew we were married, but we didn’t talk about that…
The week we started chatting, I was in Surulere to meet up with a friend, and remembered she worked in the area. I texted Cynthia my location and asked if I could buy her lunch. She didn’t have to meet me — I could send it to her office.
Did you want lunch, Cynthia?
Cynthia: I did, but only if I got to see her. I left my office after a few minutes to meet her at the restaurant. I walked into the restaurant, and there she was. She had the goofiest face I had ever seen. I thought, “WTF have I gotten myself into?”
Ezinne: LOL. In my defence, I made a goofy face because I saw her before she saw me, and I could see that she was quite uneasy.
Cynthia: I wasn’t uneasy; I was just looking for you. I don’t like waiting for people.
Ezinne: Okay, I was trying to make you comfortable by making you laugh.
That’s nice. Tell us about the date.
Cynthia: It went well. We vibed. We made each other laugh a lot. Lunch became early dinner because of gist.
Ezinne: I could have stayed there for the whole night listening to her talk about her childhood. I love that she got comfortable with me and that made it very sweet.
Cynthia: At the end of the date, she took me home.
And feelings got caught in 3, 2, 1…
Cynthia: LOL. Calm down. We talked about hanging out again. A few days later, she took me to the supermarket after work to get groceries and dropped me at home afterwards. When we got to my house, I told her I had fun, and she said she’d like to see me again. I leaned in for a hug, but this woman gave me a fist bump.
Ezinne: LOL. I was nervous. What I really wanted to do was peck her on the cheek. When I got home that night, I told her that her eyes were big enough for someone to get lost in.
Cynthia: That compliment made me blush. That’s when I knew I had fallen for her.
Ezinne, was that the plan all along?
Ezinne: Not really. I was still getting to know her. For a month we were just chatting each other up. Then I fell sick.
Cynthia: That illness sped things up. I went to see her, we watched Netflix and ate ofe nsala with pounded yam. That was my first time trying ofe nsala, and damn, Igbo people are enjoying.
Ezinne: LOL. She was really nice during that period. She called often to make sure I was okay. When I got better, I resigned from my job. The day after my resignation, she asked what I was doing and I said nothing, she could come to fill me up. She laughed and agreed to come over, so I sent an Uber to pick her up.
Smooth…
Cynthia: When it was time for me to leave that day, she pulled me into a kiss.
Ezinne: You kissed me back…
Cynthia: Ehn. But the koko is you started it. After the kiss, our conversations became more flirty. She invited me over again. This time, she gave me turkey and spaghetti while we watched movies. This woman was using food and Netflix to get into my heart.
Another time, we were watching movies at her house when NEPA took the light. In the dark, while we were waiting for the light to come on, she reached for my face and we started making out. It was hot as fuck.
Ezinne: I had told her before then that I don’t let people touch me during sex. She told me it wasn’t going to work for her. That day, on the floor, as she touched me, I realised I liked it a lot. The sex was crazy good.
I don’t know if I should ask about your partners at this point.
Ezinne: My husband was at work and my kid was at school.
Cynthia: Same as mine.
Cool. What happened after the sex?
Cynthia: We became even closer. We started calling each other more. That was a bit difficult at first because I didn’t have earphones, and there were always too many people around me. She said she was gonna get me AirPods to help with that. I was like, “Hell no, I’m not letting you get me something that expensive.” This babe kept shut, then one day she asked me to meet her at the mall. Guess what she was holding when I got there?
Ezinne, there are enemies around me please.
Ezinne: LMAO. I just wanted to be able to talk to her the way I wanted.
Cynthia: She wanted to flirt. She’s worse than me when it comes to flirting. We were doing movies and ofe nsala, and she was flirting with other women on the timeline.
Ezinne?
Ezinne: LOL, I asked her to date me and she said no oh.
Cynthia: I said I wanted to see how things go because whenever I put a label on anything, it turns sour.
Ezinne: And I understood that. I blame my hair oh. A few days after we talked about this, I cut my hair. I look extra hot to women every time I cut my hair, so I was basking in the attention. That’s the flirting she’s talking about. I talked to a few women, but it was nothing. I wanted to be with Cynthia. When she told me she was ready to be exclusive, I was really happy.
What got you ready, Cynthia?
Cynthia: I felt it.
Before I met Ezinne, I had just broken up with my ex for being single. I gradually felt pressured she would want more than I could offer. I told myself I wasn’t going to date again after that, but Ezinne was different — she was married like me. She understands the dynamics of being married and being with a woman. When I have family time, she understands, and so do I when she has to attend to her family. We both understand our responsibilities as partners to each other and to other people. It’s easier like this.
Ezinne: Yup. There’s a safety net being married gives us. I think the fact that she is also a married woman helped our relationship grow. We both understand the risks involved.
Okay. How has the relationship been so far?
Ezinne: It’s been great. She’s very supportive of me and my endeavours. Whenever I do something at work, she always hypes me up and I love that. We’re alike in many aspects. For example, we both procrastinate on tasks until the last minute.
Cynthia: Yup, but we’re also different in many ways. For example, if I want to open a bar of soap, I’d take my time to open the pack but this babe will just rip the whole thing apart like a hoodlum.
LOL, this sounds like a live-in couple problem. Do you two live together?
Cynthia: Not really. She visits often and whenever she does, she sleeps over.
Once again, your husbands?
Ezinne: LOL. My husband knows her as one of my best friends, and honestly, what I have with my husband is different from what I have with Cynthia. With Cynthia, my feelings are deeper, more tangible. I feel like I can touch what I feel. I guess this is what makes everything else great with her.
Cynthia: I know right. My feelings for Ezinne don’t interfere with the relationship I have with my husband.
Do you think they are suspicious about your relationship?
Cynthia: I don’t think so. Everybody knows her as my best friend — husband, friends, even my mum. My kid still sleeps with me and my husband. Whenever she’s around, she stays in the guest room. We only have sex when it’s just us in the house. My husband doesn’t come home early because of work so we have enough time.
What of yours, Ezinne?
Ezinne: I don’t think he suspects anything either. He is always at work when she comes over. Whenever she’s around, we’d fuck all over the house — my living room, my bedroom, my store. LOL.
Store?
Ezinne: Yes oh, it’s crazy how good the sex is. The way I have sex has changed with her. In my previous sexual relationships, I was always the dominant partner in bed — the one who did most of the work during sex, but with Cynthia, that dynamic changed.
Cynthia: LOL, it was a goal I set. I wanted to please you too — make you cum as much as you make me cum. It started with you letting me touch you one day. Next thing, I had you standing with one leg on my shoulder, cumming.
Ezinne: You are so wild.
Cynthia: LOL. After that day, I knew I had you.
Interesting, so do you two fight?
Cynthia: Not really, but the thing is she’s a flirt — worse than I am. But she’s refused to accept that side of her. When I asked to be exclusive, it was because I saw the way she was flirting with other women. But even after we became exclusive, she continued to flirt with other women.
Did something in particular happen?
Ezinne: There’s this babe that likes me. I told her I was in a relationship, but she no gree. One day, I had to sleep at her place because of traffic. That night, she tried to initiate something, but I shut it down.
Cynthia: But you were still cuddling with her. She now even sent me a picture of the girl’s leg on her body.
Ezinne: I wanted you to know that there was nothing going on.
Hmm, so how did you two resolve it?
Cynthia: I had to ask to open the relationship, so if anything happens with any of the women who like her, she won’t feel guilty or have to turn them down because of me. I didn’t want to grow too suspicious of her. I think things are better this way.
Ezinne, what do you have to say about this?
Ezinne: The thing I don’t notice when I’m flirting with women because that’s how I talk generally. That night she’s talking about was not planned. I didn’t think anything would happen. When I turned the girl down and she held me, I thought it was okay because I was soothing her. I sent a picture to Cynthia because I tell her everything happening in my life.
Cynthia: I was offended, wondering why you weren’t removing yourself from the situation by leaving the bed or something. It felt like you were encouraging her to try again, and it’s not even fair on the girl.
So now that the relationship is open, what’s it like?
Cynthia: I think our relationship is better now. I am no longer suspicious of her and the thing is that we are both not looking to be with other people right now anyway.
Ezinne: Yes, the goal is to build trust between each other. We want to get to a point where we would be open to things like threesomes without destroying our relationship. I love Cynthia and I know I fucked up, so I am willing to do anything to make things work between us.
What’s the best part of the relationship?
Ezinne: She’s my healer. She helped me discover issues about myself I didn’t know I had. For example, the sex thing. I was a bit repressed before her. She taught me to let go.
I love that I can absolutely be myself with her. I love playing with knives and she lets me do that with her. I also don’t have to tone down my driving for her — I can drive as reckless as I want when I’m with her.
Cynthia: It’s the same for me too. I don’t ever feel like I need to hide anything from her. I’m not the easiest person to be around because I like things done a certain way at all times. I don’t like people touching my stuff and sometimes I feel guilty for being like that but Ezinne always lets me know that it’s ok to be myself. She encourages me to express myself the way I want to around her. I love how honest and open our relationship is.
What’s your favourite part of each other?
Ezinne: I love her eyes so much and she’s also very romantic. I love the way she talks and how she laughs. She can make a joke out of anything and I love that about her.
Cynthia: I love that you’re very smart. Every time you have an idea, in my head, I’m like, “How does this babe come up with this stuff?” There’s also a part of her mind that’s like a toddler, so she does cute things like miss her way around the house. It makes me laugh all the time.
Sweet. Do you have future plans for each other?
Ezinne: Honestly, I want to have a baby with her. I would like to see what a baby we make would look like. If they would have her eyes or her smile.
Cynthia: My personal plan is to japa with her. I don’t know how it’s going to happen; whether we’d run away from our husbands or they agree to send us abroad. I just know we have to leave this country to a place where we don’t have to hide to love each other.
Aww, fingers crossed. Rate your relationship on a scale of 1-10.
Ezinne: I’d say a 7 because there’s always room for improvement.
Cynthia: 8 for me, for the same reason. Aside from that, this is honestly the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
Editor’s Note: Edits have been made since publication to improve the anonymity of the participants.
*Names were changed to protect the identity of the individuals.
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