Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Mary* (33) and Linda* (29), who’ve been together for two years and ten months. They talk about a failed party that led to exchanging numbers, meeting because of Christmas chicken, a complicated former relationship and dealing with various insecurities.
How did you meet?
Mary: We met at an LGBTQ+ WhatsApp group.
Linda: The group was supposed to host a hangout party and she was appointed to head the Port Harcourt branch. The hangout ended up not happening, but I’d saved her number the moment she texted me.
Mary: We became status viewers and occasional texters. I was in a complicated relationship at the time, and I needed some new friends so we kept making plans to meet up.
Linda: In my mind, I wanted something more than friendship. When she posted her pictures, I saw how very hot she was, so I wanted to have sex with her, maybe even a relationship, anything more than just being her friend. But whenever she spoke, she always mentioned her girlfriend. I knew she was in a relationship, but I didn’t like that she constantly brought it up. It was such a turn off for me.
Oh, the complicated relationship
Mary: The woman I was dating at the time had cheated on me in 2018. She said she’d let the woman go, but she ended up coming back to tell me she was polyamorous.
I wanted to break up with her, but we lived together, and it was hard to. Mentally, I’d checked out of the relationship, but she didn’t want me to move out, so it was difficult to fall for someone else.
After a while, she told me she wasn’t polyamorous anymore and wanted to be with only me.
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Yeah, that’s complicated. You mentioned something about both of you meeting up. When did that happen?
Linda: On December 23, 2019, a couple of months after we started talking, I posted on my status that I wanted to sell a chicken. She was interested in buying, but we kept going back and forth on who would come to see who.
Mary: I couldn’t transfer the payment because, every Christmas time, I withdraw a certain amount of money I’d need for the season ahead. There are always banking and card issues during Christmas season, so I just prefer to use cash. She wanted to send a rider to pick up the chicken, but I didn’t want to give the person cash in case he runs away with my money. I asked her to come deliver it herself because I would be busy at work the next day. She refused and somehow persuaded me to come over.
Linda: After all her shakara, she came o. She was standing by one big tree across the road. I saw her, but still called to make sure she was really the gorgeous stem in black jeans and t-shirt with red and white sneakers.
She picked up, and my heart melted. I just wanted to walk up to her and give her the kiss of her life. I approached her and couldn’t stop staring. It was love at first sight.
Mary: She even forgot to collect her money because she was staring so hard. I had to call her back to reality.
Meanwhile, I was thinking of how much this woman stressed me. I closed late from work, and there was traffic everywhere, but I still had to come over to her place to pick up chicken.
Did you both get a chance to talk?
Mary: I had to rush back home, but she called the moment I got to my street, to ask if I got home safely. That was cute.
Linda: She couldn’t even talk on the phone because she was busy, but then, she promised to call back that night. She never did.
Mary: I texted her the next day to explain that I’d dozed off. I asked her out on a date to make up for it. I was still technically dating my ex girlfriend at the time, but I was no longer feeling the relationship. I’d checked out since the cheating incident; I just didn’t leave.
Linda: We agreed to watch a movie on the 26th. I can never forget that date.
Mary: The cinema was overpopulated, so we went to the karaoke lounge instead.
Linda: We talked, and she told me everything about her relationship with her ex. I told her about mine, and then, she sang for me. She was so hot, I had to run to the restroom to cool down.
Mary: I followed her to the restroom and tried to kiss her there, but she hesitated. As I was about to leave, she grabbed my head and kissed me.
Linda
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That’s cute. When did you start dating?
Mary: January 4, 2020.
Linda: She asked me to be her girlfriend.
Mary: On December 28, 2019, I travelled to my village for Christmas. I planned to return to Port Harcourt on the 6th of January, but on the 3rd, she told me to come see her in Umuahia, so I did.
Linda: I didn’t believe she would come, but she did. I planned for us to stay together and just relax, but I had a call to come back to Port Harcourt for work, so we left together that night.
Mary: We went our separate ways, but when I got home, I saw my girlfriend and another woman half naked on our bed.
For the first time in my life, I wasn’t bothered. I just apologised for barging in on them and went to wait in the living room till they were done so I could pack some of my things in the room. She tried to explain what was going on, but I wasn’t interested. I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say.
Linda: I remember her texting me about what happened. After I was done with the job, she came to meet me and stayed with me till we went home together.
Mary: At home, I made us food and told her I wanted her to be my girlfriend officially. She said yes.
What about your own girlfriend, Mary?
Mary: After Linda and I started dating, I’d told the girlfriend I’d fallen for someone else and was already in a relationship with her. She was angry, but I didn’t care. I moved my property little by little to the apartment I got.
Linda: When she told me everything, I started coming around to her house to stress the ex.
Mary: I eventually moved out in May, 2020.
Linda: At first, I wasn’t comfortable she was still living with her ex, but the more time I spent with Mary, the more I realised she’s not the kind of person to go back to someone once she’s done.
What’s dating since you both stopped living with your exes?
Mary: Well, we don’t live together, but we spend a lot of time together. It’s just that she nags sometimes and assumes things that never happened.
Linda: Sometimes, she acts like she wants to cheat. She hides her phone a lot when she starts getting admirers, and she gives them her attention.
Mary: She has my password, but then, I don’t like the idea of her reading my chats each time we get together. I don’t do that to her because I trust her %100, and I wish for that to be reciprocated.
Linda: It’s not like I don’t trust you. It’s just that I feel insecure once in a while. My ex started a whole relationship right under my nose while we were together. When I see signs that seem like it might be happening again, I start doubting.
Mary: It makes me mad, but I understand her. I try my best to assure her I’d never do anything like that to her.
Other than that, being with her is amazing. She gives great advice and is great company.
On a scale of 1-10, how’ll you rate your love life?
Mary: 8. We’re saving up to get married and leave the country. Until then, 8 will do.
Linda: 9. My insecurities sometimes get in the way, but it’s a great relationship, and I love her.
