Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Ijeoma*, 26, and Peter*, 29, have been friends with benefits for 2 months. For today’s Love Life, they talk about satisfying their primal needs while maintaining serious relationships with other people.
What is your earliest memory of each other?
Ijeoma: So, recently, my boyfriend has been attending lots of weddings and we haven’t been able to see each other as often as we used to, even though we live in the same state.
Wait. You have a boyfriend?
Peter: LMAO. That’s what I said.
Ijeoma: Peter, please.
What is going on here?
Ijeoma: See, we will gist you everything as it happened and, yes, I have a boyfriend. We were going through a “thing” when I met Peter.
Peter: LMAO. A thing indeed.
Ijeoma: So, the first time I met Peter was at an event I attended with a mutual friend of ours. He caught my eye immediately, but I thought to myself, “Omo! Man na man. I have one and I’m not looking for anything,” but as the day went on, I found myself thinking about him a lot.
Peter: Who would have thought? To be fair, I was also thinking about you. I saw her walk in, with her cute nose and that ass. I did a double take when she turned to speak to someone.
Ijeoma: I know, I caught you stealing glances and Sarah* told me you had asked about me.
So, what happened from there?
Ijeoma: It was good vibes from the jump, and I loved his energy. Once we went past that stranger-danger phase, it was just pure magic.
Peter: Yes. She is funny and super easy to talk to, so we just kept at it for the rest of the event. When it was time to leave, we got each other’s IG handles and said our goodbyes.
Why IG handles, not phone numbers?
Ijeoma: It was easier.
Peter: Is it weird to say that phone numbers felt like too much at the time? I mean, we vibed at the event and all, but we didn’t really know each other well enough to take it that far. Social media handles felt like a safer option. If things die there, it’s easier to forget and move on than if they have your number. You get?
Uhm no, but okay.
Ijeoma: LMAO. From there, oga started DMing me on IG and it was fun. A week later, I had another event to go to, so I casually asked him if he wanted to come with me. But a couple of hours to the thing, I realised that I didn’t want to see him…
Peter: Please, tell me, what do women want?
Ijeoma: I wanted to see you, but I didn’t want to have to stare at your face throughout the event. How hard is that to understand? His face is distracting.
Peter: Anyway, we ended up agreeing that I would pick her up from the event.
Ijeoma: This is where things got interesting. I had about three bottles of wine in me and my body was humming with excitement. I just knew I wanted to fuck him. When I knew he was outside waiting for me, I literally skipped like a schoolgirl out of that building, grinning ear to ear. See ehn, wine-induced horniness is dangerous.
We went back to his place and talked. The room had started to sway, but I kept looking straight at him, imagining things. He was so accommodating. He had my feet in his hands and was rubbing them while we talked. I then asked if I could kiss him and from there, we ended up having sex.
Peter: LMAO. It was amazing, and she’s so cute when she’s asleep.
WOW. So, drunk sex started this relationship?
Ijeoma:
Peter: I always look forward to hanging out with Ijeoma. Cooking for her is so fun because she’s not a picky eater — she enjoys unusual meals. Watching movies with her easily became the highlight of my week. Maybe it was the newness of it all.
Ijeoma: I guess, but then…. I found out about his girlfriend. That helped put things into perspective.
Oluwa, take control. What?
Ijeoma: Turns out his girlfriend and I run in the same circles, so we met some random day. She was going through her phone to show me something, and I saw his photo. I was like, “Oh! You know this guy?” and she was like, “Yeah, that’s my boyfriend.”
Did you feel betrayed?
Ijeoma: Initially, I was offended, but then I was like, “I’m doing the same thing.” Two days after the encounter, he came to pick me up and we went to his place. At some point in the evening, I told him I liked him.
Peter: Not gonna lie, I freaked out a bit.
Ijeoma: That was when I told him that I didn’t want to waste my time. I remember saying, “I met your babe, and I’m not upset because I have a boyfriend too.” Peter just looked at me like WOW.
Peter: Women will disgrace you oh. I wasn’t even upset she had a man. I was more relieved because she was on the exact same page as me. If I was anything less than accepting of the confession, that would make me a hypocrite.
I have been muttering “WTF” since this interview started.
Ijeoma: I know. It’s pretty messed up. However, the whole “confession” thing really helped us define what we have.
Peter: Yes, we decided to be together but keep things under wraps.
Ijeoma: We now have a schedule for sex. There is an understanding of how things are. I try to avoid seeing his girlfriend and I keep my boyfriend happy enough not to suspect anything.
Do you feel guilty about doing this?
Ijeoma: Honestly, no.
Peter: Nope.
Ijeoma: LMAO. I don’t feel guilty because, with Peter, it’s just raw lust, there’s an animosity to the sex that I don’t get with my man. The orgasms are primal and they just rip through me.
I also believe that sex is sex and love is love. When I found out about Peter’s girlfriend, it was easy for me to put my feelings aside. I love my partner and I enjoy having sex with Peter. These things are not mutually exclusive.
Peter: I agree. The fact that we both easily accept having other partners yet maintaining what we have is evidence that we can separate lust from love. I love my girlfriend and all but this, for me, is just physical.
Aren’t you afraid of getting caught?
Peter: We are both cautious, so the likelihood of that happening is very low.
Ijeoma: Exactly. We are very careful. Also, there is no PDA, no pet names and emojis, nothing mushy. We don’t talk like anything is going on, just banter and good vibes. Appointments are made via calls and DMs. It’s pretty chill.
OMO. You guys have this thing on lock oh. Is this your first time cheating on your partner?
Peter: Not really. I had something else before, but it was during a break I had with my girlfriend.
Ijeoma: Properly, yes?
Wait, there is an improper way to… cheat?
Ijeoma: LMAO. Not really. I have done one or two things with other men, but Peter is the first guy I’m being intentional with.
Okay. Rate your love life on a scale of 1 – 10.
Peter: 6/10. What we have is pretty sweet. We are such good friends with very similar interests and it makes the whole thing fun.
Ijeoma: Aww, simp. It’s a 5 for me. I mean, I like him and all, but I’m in love with someone else. We could stop having sex today and still be really good friends.
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