Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Aina: It was at a tech conference in Lagos in 2021.
I was there to speak on a panel and explore how technology could improve my agro business. Leke was one of the other speakers, and his talk on the intersection of agriculture and technology caught my attention.
Leke: During my presentation, I noticed her in the audience. Of course, I did. She’s made huge contributions to her industry and even though there were many other important people there, everyone kind of looked at her with this different level of regard.
So how did you meet?
Aina: After his presentation, I approached him with some questions. I remember feeling a mix of curiosity and admiration for this young man. What really stood out when we spoke was his willingness to listen and offer insights without hesitation. It wasn’t just his ideas that impressed me, but also the respect and seriousness with which he treated my questions.
Leke: When she approached me afterward, I was taken aback by her directness and the depth of her questions. But I felt proud that she would approach me for any type of guidance.
Aina: That conversation turned into several brainstorming sessions and calls, and eventually led to a beautiful friendship.
And how did the friendship develop after the conference?
Aina: Our friendship developed unexpectedly.
I reached out a few times with questions about implementing some of the tech solutions he had mentioned. He was always very responsive and helpful. Over time, our interaction shifted from strictly professional to more personal. We started meeting up for dinner to discuss ideas and eventually began sharing more about our lives outside of work. I found myself drawn to his fresh perspective on things.
Leke: I admired her tenacity, the way she navigates the business world with such grace and strength. You know how running a business is in this country, talk less of doing it as successfully as she has.
Some months later, she invited me to her factory outside Lagos to show me the practical side of her business and how some of the tech solutions we discussed were being implemented. Not many people take my words seriously and actually implement them.
What happened during this visit?
Leke: Spending the day together, away from the city and our usual environment, allowed us to see different sides of each other. There was a moment when we were both laughing about a silly mishap with a processing equipment, and I just felt comfortable.
Aina: Later that evening, we ended up having a long conversation about our dreams and fears, and I realised how much I valued his presence in my life. I found myself caring about what he thought.
But I tried to shift it out of my mind as I’d had a tough first marriage that didn’t end well. And then, I knew Leke was younger and realistically wasn’t thinking anything serious about us.
But turns out he was? Did the age difference ever come up between you at this point?
Leke: Some three months after the trip to her factory, we talked about it.
During those months, we grew unexpectedly close. Our professional meetings often turned into long dinners and late-night talks, and there was this unspoken tension that held us back. I was questioning myself at every turn.
Between my work and business, I didn’t really have time for a social life, so I thought I felt drawn to her only because she was mature and easy to talk to when I could hardly talk to my peers.
Aina: Likewise, I did a lot of rigmarole in my head about what was happening and if I was right to keep talking for long hours to this man. My two children, siblings and close friends were all outside the country. My mum died years ago, so it’s just my dad in Ijebu. It must’ve been loneliness that was affecting me. I told myself I had to respect myself. So there was a period when I kept off.
But then, he started reaching out and coming to look for me.
Is this when you had the talk?
Aina: Not immediately. For a while, things were arbitrary between us. We didn’t know if we were just friends or business associates or more.
Leke: The eventual conversation was triggered by a series of events. I remember one instance vividly: we attended a social gathering together where a few people made subtle comments about our age difference. It was nothing overt, but enough to make us both feel a bit uncomfortable.
And it wasn’t like we attended as a couple o.
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I guess people caught on?
Leke: Maybe.
A few days later, after a tough day at work, I was at Aina’s place for dinner. I don’t even know when I started going to her place to eat after work. But anyway, she had cooked jollof rice — even though she had a chef — and we were both exhausted but enjoying each other’s company.
As we sat on her porch after dinner, I couldn’t shake off the comments from the gathering. I was quiet, and she noticed.
Aina: Yes, but I just patiently waited for him to talk. I already knew something was happening between us. I just didn’t know what. I hadn’t been in any kind of relationship since my divorce was finalised in 2012. So that was nine years of being a single mother.
What was it about each other that triggered romantic feelings?
Leke: Honestly, her maturity is exactly why I fell for her. She has a wealth of experience, and she’s very kind as she shares them. Also, this might be shallow but she looks much younger than she is. The fact that she’s taken care of herself and body so well is truly inspiring to me.
I agree
Leke: There was this one time before we had that conversation, I was really down because a project I had been working on fell through. I was frustrated and doubting myself. She called me up, and we met at this little café — that’s another thing, she knows all the best places to eat and relax in private.
She listened to me vent for hours, and then, she shared stories of her own failures and how she overcame them. Her eyes were so full of warmth and understanding, and she said, “Leke, setbacks are just setups for comebacks.” She’s one of those motivational speakers.
Aina: He’s talking like he values my motivational speak now, but really, he never stops making fun of them.
Leke: The way she balances being strong yet vulnerable inspires me too. I realised that her life experience brought a depth to our relationship that I’d never experienced before. It wasn’t about her being older; it was about the incredible person she is.
Aina: In truth, the thought of our age difference has never left my mind till now that we’re married and just had a baby. I still think about it every day and wonder what I’m doing.
Why, though?
Aina: Maybe because I’m the older one. It’s just there.
But he’s never treated me differently because of our age difference; instead, he’s valued my experience and perspective, which I never ever got in my first marriage. Also, his passion for his work combined with his genuine curiosity about my life and business created a bond that was hard to ignore.
Leke: At the beginning, I was honestly conflicted too.
I was deeply drawn to Aina, but the age difference and societal expectations were at the back of my mind as well. Nigeria, as you know, can be quite traditional, and relationships where the woman is older are often met with scepticism or outright disapproval.
But I decided I wanted to be with her, so I did it.
Aina: Leke made me feel seen and appreciated in ways that transcended age. He challenged me intellectually and emotionally, and his youthful energy was infectious. Not so much now that we’re married. I think he’s aged up to meet me mentally.
So how did that conversation on Aina’s porch go?
Leke: I mustered the courage to ask, “Aina, does it ever bother you that I’m younger?” It was a question that had been weighing on my mind. We hadn’t even talked about a relationship, but why else would I be alone with her at her house at past 7 p.m.? Why else would she cook for me?
True
Leke: Her response was honest. She shared her concerns about my future and whether I might regret being with someone older. We both opened up about our fears and reassured each other that our connection was worth it.
Aina: I asked him about what his family and friends would say, and he just turned it around on me. He said, “Your family and friends would also disapprove. How do you feel about that?” We both kept quiet.
Leke: This was in 2022. I introduced her to my friends and then my family some months after that conversation to get it out of the way.
What was their reaction?
Leke: Well, we’re married now, so does it matter?
Aina: When we decided it was time to introduce ourselves as a couple, I was a bundle of nerves. My family’s reaction was mostly positive. We planned a trip to meet two of my siblings in Canada. They were curious but supportive. They could see how happy Leke made me, and that was what mattered most to them. My dad was a lot more reserved, but he respected my decision.
Leke: On my side, it was a rollercoaster.
I decided to start with my closest friends. I invited a few of them over for dinner and introduced Aina as my girlfriend. There was a moment of silence, and then the questions started: “How did you two meet?” “What’s the story here?” Some joked about her being my sugar mummy, but I could tell it came from a place of affection and not malice.
And your family?
Leke: I’d told my mum about her as soon as we decided to be together. She was sceptical, of course.
Then months later, I brought her to a family gathering, and as expected, there were a lot of curious looks and whispers. My mother was the first to speak up, asking straightforwardly about our age difference and how we saw our future together. Aina handled it with grace. My father asked whether I was truly happy, and if I’d thought this through.
Aina: The presence of guests nearby made them a lot more gracious and considerate.
I can imagine
Leke: Over time, as they saw how serious and committed we were, my family started to come around. My siblings, once they got to know Aina better, were especially supportive. It wasn’t an overnight acceptance, but gradually, the scepticism gave way to understanding and acceptance.
Aina: It was a challenging process, but it ultimately strengthened our bond as a couple. We learned to navigate the judgement and stand by each other.
Then as soon as my ex got wind of the relationship, he started calling to harass me. He’d make fun of the fact that I was sleeping with a gigolo, or threaten me not to bring him near his children. It was so childish.
How did you handle that?
Aina: He’s in the States so I blocked him. Haha.
Leke: The man must have been so insecure to keep reaching out. He himself remarried a younger woman several years ago, so?
Aina: My children are both young adults and in college. They honestly couldn’t care less who I’m with. Everytime we speak, it’s to tell me they just want me to be happy.
Leke: They’re the smartest, most well-adjusted young people I’ve probably ever met.
When did you decide it was time to get married?
Aina: It happened about a year and a half into our relationship. We had grown incredibly close. We took a trip to a quiet resort outside Nigeria. One evening, as we sat by the beach, Leke brought up the topic of our future in the most business-like way.
Leke: Don’t laugh at me. I was trying to be serious.
Aina: He asked me where I saw us in the next five years. It was a simple question, but it opened up a heartfelt conversation about our dreams, aspirations, and what we truly wanted in life.
How did you respond?
Aina: I told him I wanted to expand my company and have a stable, loving partnership. Leke spoke about his ambitions and how he envisioned us supporting each other’s goals.
Leke: I think I knew before I asked her the question, but during this conversation I knew for sure that we both wanted to spend our lives together.
Did you propose immediately?
Leke: When we returned from the trip, I couldn’t stop thinking about proposing.
I spoke with my closest friends and got their support and advice. The next step was talking to my family. I visited my parents and told them about my intentions. It was a serious discussion. They were concerned about the age difference and the potential difficulties we might face. I assured them that Aina and I had thought through everything and that we were ready to face any challenges together.
Aina: I had a similar conversation with my family, mostly my siblings. I reassured them about our commitment and how we’d navigated our relationship so far. The proposal itself was simple but heartfelt.
Leke: One evening, I invited Aina to a quiet dinner at her favourite restaurant. After dessert, I took her hand and told her how much she meant to me, how I couldn’t imagine my life without her, and then I asked her to marry me. Her eyes filled with tears, and she said yes.
We had a civil wedding the next month and both moved into a new self-detached that we’d put a deposit on.
Neat. So you mentioned something about a baby earlier?
Aina: Given my age, we knew there could be challenges. We had numerous conversations about starting a family well before our wedding. We discussed our options, including natural conception, adoption and surrogacy. Both of us were committed to raising a child together, no matter the path we took.
Leke: We both wanted children and were open to the different ways of making that dream a reality.
Aina: After our wedding, we consulted with several fertility specialists. It became clear that natural conception would be difficult, and we had to consider other options seriously. Surrogacy came up as a viable option, and after much thought and discussion, we decided to pursue it.
How did that go?
Aina: It was tough because of work, but he found a way to be present and supportive throughout the process.
Leke: We found a reputable agency that helped us through. We met with several potential surrogates and finally connected with a wonderful woman who understood our story and was excited to help us start our family.
Aina: Throughout the surrogacy journey, we made sure to stay involved and connected. We attended medical appointments, stayed in close contact with our surrogate, and prepared ourselves for the arrival of our child.
The entire process, from the initial consultation to the birth of our child, was emotionally taxing but ultimately incredibly fulfilling. I’m just glad we were able to still use my eggs. This decision was important to us because we wanted a biological connection to our child.
Leke: The day our child was born was one of the happiest days of my life. Holding our baby for the first time, all the challenges and obstacles we faced seemed worth it.
Right now, we’re focused on giving our child the best upbringing possible and enjoying every moment of being parents. But expanding our family is definitely something we’re considering for the future.
Did you get any push back from family or friends about going the surrogacy route?
Leke: We really didn’t give people the space to comment. They also respect Aina and I in a way that not many people are quick to question or criticise us.
Aina: We’re very private people, even to family, so the whispers are easily ignored, if there are any.
What was your first major fight about?
Aina: It happened about six months into our relationship, not long after I first invited him to the factory. We’d been spending a lot of time together, and the reality of our different worlds began to surface.
The fight started over something seemingly small—Leke had made plans with his friends without checking with me, and I’d planned a business dinner on the same evening.
Leke: It started as a small misunderstanding but quickly snowballed into something much bigger. I felt that Aina was trying to manage my life like she did her business, and I resented that. I raised my voice, and she did too. It was the first time we saw each other truly angry.
Aina: I felt that Leke wasn’t considering my busy schedule and the demands of running a business. He, on the other hand, felt that I was being too controlling and not respecting his need for personal time. The argument quickly turned into a heated exchange about our priorities.
How did you navigate the situation?
Leke: We both said things we didn’t mean in the heat of the moment. I remember feeling frustrated and storming out of her apartment. I couldn’t go back home, so I went to stay with a friend for the night, and it gave me time to cool down and think about everything.
I realised that a lot of my frustration was actually rooted in the pressures we were both feeling from our different worlds and the societal expectations placed on us.
Aina: After Leke left, I felt a mix of anger and sadness. I knew I had been too harsh, and I regretted the things I said. The next day, we both reached out to apologise. We agreed to meet and talk things through calmly.
I realised I needed to not let my business mentality dominate our relationship.
Leke: I also had to learn to communicate better and respect the demands of her work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your Love Life?
Aina: I’d rate our love life at a solid 9. There’s always room for growth and improvement, but I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything.
Leke: I’d also rate it a 9. Of course, no relationship is perfect, but overall, I’m extremely happy with where we are.
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