Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Ebiye: We met in our faculty building in 200 level. She came to the department office section to see her course advisor as her programme’s class rep. I had a pending issue with a course from the last semester, so I was there to see my HOD.
I remember she was wearing this bright pink shirt, one of those that’s long enough to cover your thighs.
Toun: We were studying different programmes in the same faculty, so we crossed paths by chance.
But I’d noticed him first during a general class at the lecture theatre the year before. Someone commented on how he’s lowkey fine, and I agreed.
What happened when you crossed paths?
Ebiye: We had to wait in the corridor together for a while, so we got to talking. She was with a friend; we spent the time talking about lecturers and the one or two courses we shared. At a point, we exchanged numbers.
Toun: After that, we chatted over the phone a lot and kept crossing paths.
When did you realise you liked each other?
Toun: I think I liked him from day one when I saw him at the lecture theatre. I smiled and thought, “That would be a good guy to be with.” But it was passive. I don’t think I would’ve ever approached him.
After we met and started texting, my thought became, “This boy is a stupid person.”
Ebiye: Wow. Wow.
I knew I liked her when we started hanging out towards the end of the semester. I asked her to come out one evening; we went on a stroll and then got drinks. I thought she was cool. I knew we’d be hanging out more.
How did you know?
Ebiye: I was just drawn to her. I liked how she smelt. I liked how she talked about things. She didn’t take things too seriously, and I like to surround myself with people who are relaxed. Life is already stressful enough.
I also really wanted to kiss her at least once.
Toun: Which is what he texted me that night after I’d gotten back to my room.
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Was that the beginning of a relationship?
Toun: Yes, even though the relationship had no name for a while. We just went out together from time to time, normal broke undergrad outings to Coldstone and Filmhouse. He’s also behind my first clubbing experience.
But what we had never really went beyond casual.
Ebiye: We were focused on school, and we had a lot of mutual friends of both genders. It always felt like we were all just guys.
Toun: But then, two months after we met, we had sex for the first time and that changed things.
Ebiye: The sex was eye-opening.
In what ways?
Ebiye: We’re really compatible in that aspect.
Toun: But everything else? God, abeg.
Ebiye: After that year, we realised we didn’t like each other like that. But we couldn’t stop the sex part. Like, we’d still meet up for it, and when we did it, it was always the best thing ever. So we never stopped. Because of that, we haven’t been able to date other people.
Toun: Not yet, at least.
Ebiye: We haven’t had the time to meet anyone we really like.
So you’re like… friends with benefits?
Ebiye: Yes and no. Our friends still consider us boyfriend and girlfriend. Our parents too.
Toun: Well, my mum. My dad doesn’t know about us at all.
Ebiye: In school, we went out from time to time, but we had sex any chance we got. Since graduation last year, we’ve drifted a bit. We still call and text most nights, but every time we talk about what we are, I feel somehow.
Toun: We’re just confused about it. I don’t even know what the issue is. I think we like each other but just not well enough to commit.
Why have sex then?
Ebiye: That’s like asking why eat junk food. It feels so good.
Toun: The sex is the only reason why I haven’t gone into depression now that we’re in NYSC. Everything’s just hard. I have this anxiety about my career and making money, and I don’t even know what I’m passionate about.
Ebiye: Same.
Serving in Lagos together has now made it easy for us to stick together even though we’ve drifted apart in some ways.
Toun: Our relationship has basically been 95% sex, 5% vibes this last year, I won’t lie.
How long do you see it lasting?
Toun: No idea. I’m lowkey scared we’d be one of those people from Nollywood movies who fall in love and get married to a new person but can’t stop fucking their first.
Ebiye: Like go back to their ex’s bed the night before and after their wedding?
Toun: They’ll catch us and disgrace us all over social media. God, abeg.
Have you tried getting external advice?
Toun: My friends think we should just break up. I’ve tried. But this sex thing. I wouldn’t dare ask my mum about it, and I can’t afford therapy right now. I’m also the oldest, so no older siblings to confide in.
Ebiye: I don’t confide much in my friends. A lot of my guys are also friends with her, so I don’t want them thinking anything stupid about her. Same reason I haven’t really talked about it to my brothers.
But I have this older female cousin, and she thinks we’re just overthinking the whole thing.
Toun: I’ve also not approached it like it’s a problem. He’s actually been a great support system during this time when I’m confused about everything to do with my life.
Ebiye: But I don’t want us to settle and then come to resent each other in the future.
So you just meet and have sex? How does it work?
Toun: Pretty much. We have NYSC jobs now, so our relationship is meeting up during or after work to chat, eat together or have sex. I don’t even have time for my friends or anything else these days.
Ebiye: Since we started NYSC, we’ve had sex at my place up to four times a week. It’s how we ease the stress of adulting.
Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?
Ebiye: She’s missed her period a few times.
The first was in October 2022. I’ll never forget that night. I almost died when she texted me that it was almost two weeks late. I couldn’t sleep well for a week. We didn’t talk for almost another week. I remember foolishly planning my speech on how I’d do my best to support her, how I wouldn’t abandon her. I was just gassing myself up. LMAO.
Toun: Thankfully, my period eventually came.
Now, I have an implant. The anxiety wasn’t worth it.
How did you know to get that?
Toun: My mum.
She obviously doesn’t know how much sex we’re having. But in final year, she sat me down and asked if I was still a virgin, and I told her the truth. Right after graduation, she paid for me to get an implant at a proper facility.
It also regulates my period, so that was another plus.
Ebiye: We also regularly go get tested together because we stopped using condoms. We went twice last year. Each time, I’d think about my life, and how I didn’t consent to this level of adulting. It helps us bond but also has a way of draining what little romance might’ve existed between us.
Does this affect the sex in any way?
Ebiye: Actually, we’re so free now when it comes to sex. We try out a lot of things. No one is shy anymore.
Toun: I think it’s actually gotten better.
Have you guys had a major fight yet?
Toun: I don’t think so. We’re too much of jokers to fight like that.
Ebiye: I think the highest we’ve fought over is random arguments with our other friends. Maybe about some Twitter trend or Tinubu or something.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Toun: I don’t even know. Should we be rating it at this point?
Ebiye: 10. We understand each other, and I feel good when I’m with you.
Toun: Aww. My own is sha 5 until we figure things out.
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