Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Thompson: We met at a university golf game in August 2023. A mutual friend invited us to watch the game and introduced us. I thought she was cute as we talked.
Nifemi: He appeared really quiet and composed, and that was the first thing I noticed about him. Then, when we started talking, I couldn’t help noticing how brilliant he sounded.
Within just a few hours of conversing, I could tell he was patient enough to want to understand me. There was no need to “form” like one would usually do when one has just met a new person. I felt relaxed with him the entire time, and we talked for hours and hours.
Thompson: We hit it off on the very first day. So, we exchanged numbers and continued texting when we got home. The funny thing is, we almost never met that day.
What happened?
Thompson: I’d gone to the wrong golf course, and then it started raining, so I had to locate the right one under the heavy downpour. I was almost tempted to return home, but I stayed back, and this is how it paid off.
I see. So, what did you guys talk about?
Nifemi: Everything — family, writing, music, books, etc. That was how I knew he’d read “Vagabonds” by Eloghosa Osunde, one of my favourite books. During that conversation, I bargained to steal the hard copy of the book from him.
I can’t explain it, but it seemed like we genuinely wanted to be friends from day one. Although I should add that I didn’t think he would text me when he got home. I thought it was one of those scenes where you have a good time with a stranger, and then they take your number and ghost you.
But he proved you wrong?
Nifemi: He did.
Thompson: I also showed her my Spotify music playlist, and we spent some time talking about music. She mentioned how she shares her dad’s taste in music. I think what confirmed that I liked her from that first meeting was when she knew who Stan Lee was. She knew him because he was a writer and not because he made cameos in Marvel movies. I found that interesting.
So what happened next?
Thompson: We met again later that month, and I gave her my hard copy of Eloghosa’s “Vagabonds”. Giving her the book was how I knew I was gone.
Nifemi: I’m never returning it, by the way.
Is this the point where you guys started a friendship?
Thompson: You could say that. However, we didn’t stay as friends for long, so you could also say we moved to the talking stage.
After we hung out, she straight up asked what my intentions were. She wanted to know if I was seeking a friendship or a romantic relationship.
I said to her, “I like you a lot more than a friend, and I’m curious to see where this goes.” Even though I’d revealed my intentions, I had a feeling things wouldn’t work out between us.
Why not?
I’m an atheist, and I’ve had lots of experiences where people started to retreat after learning this info. I was worried it would be the same with her, so it was a concern that stayed in my mind while I made my intentions known to her.
Nifemi: We talked almost every day from August through September.
I tell him that I didn’t experience the “talking stage” because he revealed he was attracted to me from the first week we met. It wasn’t just that; he also mentioned that he would like me to be his girlfriend someday, so I’d say he knew what he wanted from the beginning, and it wasn’t friendship.
Anyway, a part of me felt everything he confessed would fade, especially as we didn’t talk much about the subject. He never pressured me about his attraction to me or how he felt about me; we just stayed as people who knew they wanted to be more than friends.
How long did this phase last?
Nifemi: Three months.
During this period, we didn’t force anything, but we were conscious of our feelings for each other. I kept saying he’d get tired of talking to me soon, but he never did. He remained fascinated with talking with me, genuinely cared for me, and always looked out for me.
Nothing about him pushed me away, not even the fact that he’s an atheist.
Wait, how did you find out?
Nifemi: He told me during one of our earliest conversations. At first, I was stunned. I started thinking about the long-term and how this revelation would affect our future together. But I realised my open-mindedness meant religion wouldn’t stop me from seeing who he truly was or loving him.
I asked myself, “Who is this man without the concept of religion? Is he kind? Does he listen even when I can’t find the words? Does he respect me and my values?” He ticked all the boxes, and I haven’t looked back.
Thompson: I like to let people know what they’re dealing with from the start, so I had to tell her before I asked her out. I didn’t want a situation where I kept it from her, and then one day she’ll discover, or I’ll tell her because my conscience can’t handle the guilt, and it’ll feel like I bamboozled her because of my selfish desires. I didn’t want us to be in too deep before that revelation would come out. I wanted to give her the option of staying or leaving. It would’ve hurt if she’d left, but I think it’s better than lying, especially to someone I claimed to care about.
Fair. So when did things become official?
Thompson: I asked her to be my girlfriend on October 3, 2023, and I didn’t get a yes until a week later.
Nifemi: He asked me for a gift on National Boyfriend Day, which I wasn’t prepared to give since we weren’t exclusive yet. I told him I didn’t know we were dating, and that was the moment he confessed he was using that as an opportunity to ask me out.
I told him I was going to think about it.
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Did you just want to play hard to get, Nifemi?
Nifemi: Call it instinct; the feminine urge to make him suffer before he had me. I know it’s pointless, but I’m a woman and can’t resist my nature.
While I was still sleeping on his request, I invited him to a party. Just seeing how dashing he looked in his outfit made me know I wanted to be with him, so I said yes afterwards.
Thompson: She won’t say it, but playing hard to get is a defence mechanism.
What do you mean?
Thompson: She’d been hurt a lot by people she cared about, especially previous romantic relationships. So even though she felt all these feelings for me, she played “hard to get” because she was scared of letting anyone get too close— each time they did in the past, they hurt her. I understood that and proved her wrong by staying.
Cool. I assume the early days of your relationship were blissful?
Nifemi: They were joyous days, and I’ve continued to love every bit of it even to date.
Thompson: For the most part, yes.
I think early on, the main issue we had was sex. She was afraid I wouldn’t find her attractive, but it was smooth sailing after she finally opened up to me about her fears. Still is.
Why did you think this, Nifemi?
Nifemi: I never had any proper sex education, so I felt sex was something to be ashamed of. My body responded to intimacy in a cringe way, and it was mainly because I didn’t understand it. Thompson helped me with that.
Thompson: I told her I was also insecure about my body. But I’d learned that just because I don’t always feel good about myself doesn’t mean others see me that way. I asked her if she thought I didn’t look good naked, and she quickly said no; she found me attractive.
I told her that was great, but I don’t feel the same way about myself, and that’s okay. I reminded her that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think she looked good. I even mentioned the second time we met and how hot she looked in her shorts. I told her, “Just because you don’t always see yourself as hot doesn’t mean I don’t.
I’m curious, what’s your sex life like these days?
Nifemi: Adventurous. I think about him and his penis every day.
Thompson: I get too many flashbacks every day—it’s kind of embarrassing. She initiates sex now more than ever. We actively try to educate ourselves on the subject, too — I send her books that I’ve read on sex education and teach her some of the stuff I already know. She also “DJs” a lot more than she used to; she never did that before we met. So I’ll say it’s been steady progress.
Nifemi: What I want is very important to him. He will not press on anything if I don’t feel comfortable about it. He understands my body and helps me understand it, too.
Must be nice. Have you guys had a major fight yet?
Thompson: I dunno if I’ll call it a fight, but it was a pretty big misunderstanding. We were talking about the future and marriage, and she practically almost broke up with me because she freaked out about the discussion.
Nifemi: That is the one. I was hurt and almost broke up because I was scared we might not work out.
Thompson: I noticed Nifemi kept bringing up marriage in our conversations. After hearing it a few times, I realised my stance on marriage had shifted. When we started dating, I thought there were practical reasons to get married—the legal, social bit. But over time, my opinion changed, and I began to feel it was restrictive, almost like a trap. The idea of marriage, especially with the challenges and social stigma that also follow divorce and separation, made me question if it was right for me.
I brought this up with her, knowing the possible risks to our relationship, but I wanted to be honest. She was upset and thought I was trying to end things because our future goals didn’t align. But as we talked, she explained that marriage meant freedom and independence for her—she wanted to establish herself apart from her family. This perspective was new to me. As a man, I’d never considered that marriage could be a path to independence.
Nifemi: Initially, when he said he wasn’t sure about getting married, I didn’t worry much. I didn’t have a practical reason for marriage beyond wanting a partner. But over time, I realised marriage could be a way to fully live the life I’d fought my parents hard for—a life where I could be independent, be a creative even against their wishes, and build my own home.
So, when he questioned if marriage was right for us, I panicked. This relationship has given me peace and joy; I genuinely want a life with him. After that conversation, I thought about what he’d said and talked to my brother about it. After our conversation, I concluded that marriage isn’t much of an accomplishment. I’ve realised I can do life alone without tethering myself to anyone; I’m more particular about building an independent life and my dreams.
Now that I have more clarity about how I think of marriage, I want to be with him whether or not marriage is on the table.
What about children?
Thompson: Oh, I don’t want any.
I’m not interested in being a parent. I know myself well enough to know I won’t do a good job.
Nifemi: I’m not sure about having any either, and I think we are both cool with that.
You mentioned a break-up earlier. I want to know how you guys resolved the disagreement.
Nifemi: We agreed to make it work. We’ve established that we want to be with each other; it doesn’t matter if marriage is on the table or not. I think I’m scared to lose him, but I’m also okay with the possibility of things not going as planned.
Thompson: Moving forward, I told her to give me the benefit of the doubt and not overthink my intentions toward her, and that has helped us. Now, when we disagree, we just talk about it with the knowledge that the other person isn’t trying to hurt us.
What might you consider to be the future of this relationship?
Thompson: One where we both have a place we can call our own—we’re working towards moving in together if possible. We want to create a space where our families aren’t as involved.
Is this how you also envision the future, Nifemi?
Nifemi: I don’t see it any different.
The marriage issue can still be discussed; what matters is spending our lives together. We’ve also agreed to be honest with each other.
How would you rate your love life?
Thompson: I’ll say it’s a 10. Our relationship is as perfect as is. There’s always room for improvement and growth, but we’ve found a system that works perfectly for us and that’s a good thing.
Nifemi: I’m with him on that. We’re intentional about each other, we know what works for us and we approach everything, together. There is no I; there is only us.
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