Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Mojeed: It was in 1998. I visited her family home with my cousin, and she went to buy bottles of Coca-Cola to entertain us. The funny thing is, the same cousin had visited her home with other guys interested in Tinuke, yet he still followed me to her place knowing I also had plans of wooing her.
Tinuke: I remember that night. I was still in secondary school, and he was also in SS3, preparing for graduation.
But my earliest memory of Mojeed happened when I received a love letter from him professing his feelings. It was the sweetest thing, and I laughed so much after reading the letter.
Was this before the visit?
Tinuke: Yes, it was before the visit. Although I can’t remember when because it’s been so long. After the letter, we developed a friendship.
Mojeed: We had lots of mutual friends. Some of them were women, and they were constantly around me. I think Tinuke assumed there was more than a friendship between us, so she kept a safe distance. But nothing was going on with these people. That was what prompted me to write a love letter confessing my feelings and explaining the situation to her.
Sweet. What was your friendship like?
Mojeed: We were casual friends for about 13 years before we moved to the next phase. A lot was happening in our individual lives, and there was also the distance. I moved to Lagos to live with my brother, and also got into Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU).
Tinuke: We only got to spend time together during festive seasons. After he moved, I remained in Osun State until I completed my secondary education, and then I relocated to Ilorin.
Mojeed: There were no mobile phones or social media, so it was really hard to connect when we weren’t home during Ileya and other festive periods. We’d meet and catch up on what we’d missed until we parted ways. It continued like this for a while, and at some point, I’m sure we forgot we had wooed ourselves.
However, my interest was reignited after I learnt Tinuke had moved to Ilorin and enrolled at the school of nursing. I’d always fancied myself being with someone in the health sector. I was living with my elder brother at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH), and my daily interactions with people in the line made me interested in the sector.
Curious. Did your feelings for him remain the same during this period?
Tinuke: To be honest, I think I wasn’t entirely in the headspace of being in a relationship. I felt I was too young to get myself entangled in a romantic situation.
Mojeed: Is that so? She constantly sent messages through my mother to check on me and see how I was doing. She’d also buy stuff for me and have my mum send it to me.
Tinuke: Please, don’t mind him. I only did that from a platonic place of care and concern for a friend.
Right. What about you, Mojeed?
Tinuke: He had them in troves.
Mojeed: Well, she’s always known me to be a man of many. I had so many male and female friends and got involved with girls whom I thought I’d end up marrying. Also, I’m from a polygamous home with many male siblings, and flocks of people have always surrounded us. My family threw our doors open to everyone. So, people were constantly wanting to be around us. Not many people could handle that level of constant attention-seeking, so it slowed things down between us until we reunited again in 2007.
How did that happen?
Mojeed: By this time, we had both relocated again. I was serving in Abia State, while she had moved to Egbe, Kogi State, for her midwifery course. I had travelled to Kogi to visit another potential love interest I was considering for a serious relationship, but the moment I got there, I realised I’d only be cheating this lady if I proceeded. She didn’t have the level of maturity and patience I needed.
I had been a student activist and had been suspended for four academic semesters because of student campaigns for politicians in Osun State. I knew that with the kind of life I was living, I needed a partner who was bold, brave, and emotionally strong. After spending time with her, I knew she couldn’t handle the pressure of being associated with me.
I remained in Kogi for three days, and during that time, I crossed paths with Tinuke again.
Tinuke: We had a long conversation, and he was surprised I hadn’t gotten married. Then, he asked if we could revisit our conversation from years ago.
Naturally, I wanted to know about the lady he had come to see, but he admitted it wouldn’t be fair to pursue things with her. He told me he would end up cheating, pressuring her, and making life difficult for her because she wouldn’t know how to handle him. He called himself a stubborn and restless activist and said he needed a mature partner who could live without him.
And you felt you were this person?
Tinuke: I’ve always been mature and level-headed, even as a kid. I know how to handle issues without making a big deal, and Mojeed knew. So his stubbornness or activism weren’t concerning for me. However, I ensured he came clean to the lady he visited and fully explained the situation before I entertained his advances again.
Right. Is this point you made things official?
Mojeed: Yes, we started dating in 2007 and courted for about four years before getting married in March 2011.
Tinuke: During that time, we were very intentional about our relationship. We constantly visited each other’s families, and everyone on both sides knew about us.
Mojeed: Tinuke got a job offer from the Ekiti State Government around that period. That meant a lot of back and forth between Lagos and Ekiti so that we could spend time together. But after a while, I realised Ekiti wasn’t the best place for her if she wanted to grow in her career.
Without informing either of our families, we started planning for her to move to Lagos. That’s one of the biggest sacrifices she made for our relationship. In Ekiti, she had free housing, cheap transport, and a great salary. But the Lagos job paid far less, the daily commute was stressful, and I could tell the entire experience was exhausting for her. Yet, she stayed.
I assured her she was making the right decision, not just for us, but for her future.
Tinuke, did you feel this was the best decision for you and not one made for Mojeed?
Tinuke: It was a bit of both. We understood each other, and whatever he suggested was for my career growth. There was also the part of him being in Lagos and me in Ekiti. We were putting each other at risk with the road trips, which wasn’t sustainable. Despite the pay cut and harsh working conditions, I considered all these and agreed it was in our collective best interest to come to Lagos.
Did you ever regret the decision?
Tinuke: Not at all. It was difficult because I’d been yanked from my comfort zone, but I knew it was in my best interest.
Nice. Speaking of getting married, when did you know you’d fallen in love and wanted to commit forever?
Tinuke: I had many moments of deep introspection when I considered his feelings for me and the actions that backed those confessions. Mojeed was very intentional about my growth and career progression. He constantly involved me in his plans, and I could tell he wanted the best for me.
Did you discuss with someone?
Tinuke: I didn’t. I’m a private person, and even though I have a sister, we don’t discuss such intimate matters. I only presented Mojeed when it was time to make things official, and that was it.
Mojeed: I had a similar moment in 2008. I looked around at the women in my life and realised that marriage wasn’t just about personal feelings. It was bigger than me. I had to consider if my partner could accommodate family, handle the realities of marriage beyond the romance, and if she had the patience to deal with my excesses. Tinuke ticked all those boxes.
It also helped that my family naturally gravitated towards her. I remember when I finished NYSC and refused to take a job because I wanted to be my boss. Tinuke stood by me through it all — encouraging, supporting, even spending her salary on me without hesitation. That kind of sacrifice showed me she was the one.
Nice. Was marriage any different from courtship?
Mojeed: Definitely. In Islam, the Prophet (SAW) said three things must happen before truly knowing someone: you must do business, travel, and live together.
Living together was a different ballgame entirely. I started seeing things I hadn’t noticed before — things she had been managing during courtship. The shift was massive for someone like me, who had lived as a student activist. I realised I couldn’t make impulsive decisions anymore. I once took an unplanned trip to Maiduguri in my activist days, but that wasn’t an option now.
I also noticed that Tinuke kept a lot to herself. While it wasn’t a problem initially, I worried about how much she bottled up and what would happen if she reached her tipping point. Conversely, I’m an open book — I share things easily. She would berate me for talking too much in public, but I didn’t see it as a big deal. Learning these new sides of her made our marriage an interesting journey.
Tinuke: I always knew Mojeed was stubborn, but living together as husband and wife gave me a deeper understanding of him. I saw that beyond his strong opinions and activism, he was incredibly open and supportive to me and everyone around him.
His restlessness was another thing I had to learn to manage. He was always moving and involved in something, and I constantly talked him through his decisions, trying to get him to slow down. This new dynamic made our marriage more layered and, even stronger, in some ways.
Nice. When did kids come into the picture, and did they change anything?
Mojeed: We had our first child in 2013, and while parenting has been a rewarding journey, one of our biggest challenges has been how attached the kids are to me. They refuse to sleep until I’m home, and as sweet as that sounds, it has affected our ability to bond as a couple.
The kids never want to stay in their room — they sneak into our bed as late as 2:30 a.m., and nothing we do seems to change that. It’s not like they don’t have other people around the house to keep them company; they just insist on being with me. Our lastborn even has a designated spot on the bed — my side, never Tinuke’s. Setting boundaries has been a real struggle.
Tinuke: Beyond intimacy taking several hits, the most challenging part of parenting has been juggling my career and managing the home. Like Mojeed said, we always have people around to help, but some responsibilities can’t be delegated.
No matter how much support we have, there are still school runs to handle, house chores that need my attention, and a million other little things that fall on me. It’s a lot, but we’ve worked on finding balance over the years. We’re intentional about carving out time for ourselves, even though it’s nothing like what we had before kids. Still, I think we’re in a good place.
How do you feel about the kids’ attachment to their dad, Tinuke?
Tinuke: It’s not a problem. They’re all boys, and I think it’s only natural. Plus, it gladdens my heart to know I have a supportive partner who is good with the kids. They pretend around me, but once their dad is around, you’ll see them in their true form.
Makes sense. What would you say has been the biggest challenge you navigated as a couple in 14 years of marriage?
Mojeed: The most challenging period in our marriage was the waiting period before our first child. Tinuke suffered multiple miscarriages, and each one broke her a little more than the last one. I wasn’t worried, but she was; even though it had only been a year or two into our marriage.
There’s also a ridiculous misconception that female nurses try to delay pregnancy because they’re promiscuous. Of course, I never believed that, and thankfully, neither did my family. My gynaecologist brother ran tests and confirmed that she was okay. I kept reassuring her that we had time, but she still struggled with the weight of it all.
Tinuke: That period was incredibly tough for me. The biggest problem wasn’t just the losses — it was what people would say. I was worried about the stereotypes about female medical personnel, about people assuming I had aborted so many times that I couldn’t conceive. Even though Mojeed and his family gave me no reason to feel that way, I still couldn’t help it. Thankfully, our prayers were answered in 2013.
Do you think you would have stayed together if you never had kids?
Tinuke: Of course. Why not? We were both certified medically fit. What guarantee was there that the situation would have been any different with another partner?
Mojeed: I’ve always told her that if anything, she would have been the only one troubled. I don’t bother myself with what people say. If the kids had never come, we would have adopted and carried on with our lives.
I always say that marriage is beyond children and just a husband and wife. It’s a complex institution, but also the best one you can have. You’ve still won if you have nothing else but a great partner. And in my case, I bagged the best.
Being married to Tinuke is the best thing that has happened to me. I told God I wanted someone like my mother, and I found Tinuke.
Neat. How would you say this marriage has changed you?
Tinuke: In various ways. I always say I’m blessed to be doing life with someone like Mojeed. Through my husband and Almighty Allah, I’ve made incredible career progress. He continues to push me to become a better version of myself. Before we got married, I was only a registered nurse and midwife. Now, I have a BSc degree and am a registered nurse anesthetist. Outside of my career, I have three handsome boys and a beautiful home. I’ve only had positives in this marriage.
Mojeed: Being with Tinuke has changed my views about life. Her understanding, maturity and support keep me levelheaded. I used to be very restless, but now I want to spend most of the time at home with my family. There’s also the part where she has made me a better haggler at the market. I generally don’t worry about price tags, but Tinuke believes I work hard for my money so it shouldn’t be spent anyhow. I know how to get the best prices because of my wife, and I’m more financially accountable.
She also challenges me when I’m wrong. Earlier, I said I couldn’t marry the lady from Egbe because she was timid. I’d feel like I was cheating her, which wouldn’t be good for my conscience. Tinuke isn’t like that. She calls me out with her chest when it’s needed.
Tinuke: Mojeed has been a beautiful partner, and I’m using this moment to say how much I cherish him. My husband has been a pillar of support to this family, and even my family. If Mojeed has ₦50, he’s spending ₦45 on the family. He doesn’t hide his money, I know where he keeps his cash, and I have full access to it. Also, I can’t thank him enough for what he’s done for my career. I remember backing out from a program when I heard the form was ₦20k, and he stepped in. Today, I’m reaping the benefits of that investment. I’m grateful for the gift of him.
Right. On a scale of 1-10, what would you rate your love life?
Tinuke: I’ll rate us a 9. I think there’s always room for improvement. We’ve known each other for 27 years and have been married for 14, and the journey has been beautiful. We had our ups and downs but always found our way back to each other.
Mojeed: It’s an 8 for me. There are things we aren’t doing in our relationship that I’d like to see us try out. There’s so much seriousness with both of us. We’re constantly working and hustling, but I believe we should have private times when it’s just her and me.
Why is that not happening? Does she turn down your requests?
Mojeed: Not outrightly, she doesn’t. It’s just the nature of her job. She’s extremely occupied, and I’m also not free when she’s on leave. So we’ve had this constant circle of not having time to celebrate ourselves as a couple. There are also times when she makes a mental calculation of what going out will cost, and she’ll end up saying, “Why not let us put this in the children’s account?” Then, I have to spend time trying to convince her. I’d like to see an improvement on that front. My wife deserves so much more, and I want to give it all to her.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
