Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Tunde: A mutual friend introduced us. Not even for a relationship. She felt we’d be good friends because we both loved video games and animation.
Malobi: She invited us for a small get-together in her house. We started talking, and that was it. Within weeks, we were hanging out a lot and having sex before we ever decided to get committed.
How did that happen?
Tunde: Anyone who knows me knows I’m as passionate about games as they get. It’s hard to find someone you can geek out with without limit, even with my fellow gamer guys.
She’s just as obsessed as I am, and it felt so good to spend time with her.
Malobi: The sex just snuck in on us. I honestly can’t even remember how it happened. But it was memorable, so we kept doing it.
Was it sex that made you realise you liked each other beyond gaming?
Tunde: It was everything together.
Once we started talking about games, strategies, gist from our favourite game companies and popular gamers, and analysing new animations, it transitioned into always looking forward to telling her things in general. Everything from what someone said at the office to what I planned to eat on Sunday.
She wouldn’t share as much, but there I was, always telling her everything.
Malobi: I’m just a more reserved person. I usually don’t even have much to tell. But I always wanted to spend time with him. One day, I realised I always wanted to be in his space. I was in his house and room a lot.
Tunde: We went from wrestling over the games and gamepads to sex. We didn’t even say let’s reach second base first.
My guys still laugh at me when they hear.
How did you go from that to a committed relationship?
Malobi: It took a couple of months.
It was one funny Saturday evening. My parents were out of town for the weekend, and my sister was in school. He came by my house — empty-handed, as usual. I was studying for a professional course, so I couldn’t join him in playing COD. We both got hungry, and I pulled him to the kitchen to make jollof pasta and dodo with me.
Somewhere in the midst of that, he asked me out.
Tunde: I loved the feeling of standing with her, frying plantains.
Malobi: I said I was okay with it as long as he took me out on actual dates and spent real money on me. Because that’s the real difference between dating and being friends with benefits, isn’t it?
True. Did things change once you started dating?
Malobi: Not really. We went out sometimes, but not nearly enough. Like once in months. I didn’t mind at the time because we’re both homebodies.
Tunde: We also don’t like each other’s outside preferences.
Explain, please
Tunde: I’m more of a beer and lounge guy. She likes high-effort places like beaches or restaurants and big events where she’ll stay for an hour and then start saying we should go home. Uber transport wasted just like that?
Malobi: We like each other a lot better indoors.
It didn’t take us a year before we moved in together in 2019. I’ve always been scared of the idea of co-habiting with anyone because I was always annoyed with my parents and siblings growing up, but we’re actually the most perfect roomies.
Tunde: She doesn’t snore, and we’re the same level of clean, so no one annoys the other. We just get each other’s subtle needs. She’s not a morning person at all. So I don’t go near her until just before we leave for work around 8 a.m.
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Why did you decide to move in together?
Tunde: After I moved out of my parents’ house, she got a job closer to my house, and after a while of going from her house to work and then staying over at my place for days, I convinced her to move in.
Malobi: I spent almost a year moving in. It wasn’t like I went home, packed all my things in boxes, announced my departure to the family and moved. Maybe that’s why my parents allowed me, because they didn’t even know it was happening until it was too late.
I didn’t do it on purpose, though; I was just lazy.
And how has co-habiting affected your relationship?
Tunde: Apart from easy access, I’m not sure it has much. We get to talk in person anytime we want. We talk about everything and anything. We honestly have the most insane conversations.
Malobi: We might start a podcast. We keep procrastinating.
But also, living together is probably the only reason we haven’t broken up yet.
Ah. Why?
Malobi: Sometime around 2021, we stopped being exclusive.
Tunde: We drifted apart and started liking other people, so we agreed it was fine to see them.
So, like an open relationship?
Tunde: It’s more like we took breaks, but they never lasted. We always come back to each other.
Malobi: But then, we can’t really seem to commit. There’s always this feeling that something is missing. We’ve spoken about it a couple of times. We’d go months without sex, then finally have sex, and the relationship goes great for several more months.
When I got pregnant in 2022, I almost didn’t tell anyone about it. I was so close to aborting. Now, we have a kid, we’re closer than ever, but we’re still not sure we want to get married or anything like that.
What are your African parents saying about it?
Tunde: Of course, my parents want us to get married yesterday. They already call her my wife. But they respect that I’m not ready yet. I’ll take things at my own pace.
Malobi: Omo, my mum stopped talking to me for a while when I told her I was pregnant but we weren’t ready for marriage yet. You know how parents feel about babies. It’s like an automatic call from God to get married at once.
If that isn’t the plan, what is?
Tunde: We honestly don’t have one yet.
Malobi: And that’s fine. We’re all just managing Nigeria as it comes. Homeschooling our little toddler has helped us bond. She likes games just like us two.
Cute. What was your first major fight about?
Malobi: Before we ever got romantically involved, we had this huge fight over a game I won. We were playing at someone’s party, and someone distracted him, so he was convinced that was the only reason I won.
I felt offended by that.
Tunde: She now brought gender and sexism into it.
Malobi: I mean, the way he said it was that there was no way I’d ever win him. Why would he just assume I can’t play well enough?
Right?
Tunde: I got angry with the babe who distracted me, and while we were exchanging words, Malobi cut in with her own. I found it wild because, at that point, I’d already played against her several times, and she’d beat me a couple of times. So why would I think she’d never beat me because she’s a girl?
Malobi: We made up some hours after. We both agreed we’d had a lot to drink. We’ve fought over games many times after sha.
Have you ever made love over a game, though?
Tunde: Many times. That’s how this whole thing started. It used to hit different when we’d just played a long, highly competitive game together.
Malobi: Now, it happens less, but I’m so happy we still make time to play for long hours.
Tunde: She also does eSports and makes us small money from time to time. I get so proud when we go out and she wins.
But how do you deal with finances in a relationship with little commitment?
Tunde: We keep separate accounts if that’s what you’re asking.
Malobi: We live together, so we share most major expenses. Also, baby. Babies are expensive, but we’ve never so much as argued over money.
Do you ever regret moving in together?
Malobi: Nope. I’ve enjoyed myself so far. Also, I can think of no easier way to have escaped my father’s house. I’ve never known one day of sadness here.
Tunde: Wow. I don’t even know what to say. I’m glad that living together has made you happy. I don’t regret it either. Even more beautiful than her moving into my flat in 2019 was when we moved into our current place together after COVID.
Malobi: It’s been all peace and good vibes from day one. Except when we have dry spells and turn to other people, but it’s always temporary.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Tunde: Maybe 7. We obviously don’t have everything figured out.
Malobi: Yeah, 7.
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Here’s another: Love Life: People Mistake Me for Her Mother
Get a free ticket to Strings Attached and enjoy a feel-good evening of music, dancing and games at Muri Okunola Park, Lagos on May 11, 2024.
