Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Chidi: I met Oma during a class rep interview in January 2023. I was the department’s president, and I had to conduct the class rep election for first-year students. She was one of the aspirants. Her delivery during her interview was excellent. She made my seemingly difficult questions look easy, so I asked harder ones, but she still aced them.
Oma: I’d just gained admission to university, and I contested for the class rep position in my department because I was interested in politics. I noticed him sitting inside the department’s secretariat while interviewing candidates. In my mind, I thought, “He seems calm, like someone determined but collected.” I also noticed his eyes—they were pretty, although I never told him this.
Chidi: I later found out she’d authored some novels. I was like, “Author as how? Aren’t you in year one?”
In that moment, I thought, “I like this one. She’s the kind of lady I’d want to be with.” I even said a silent prayer to God about her. But then I heard her age, and I took a step back.
How old was she?
Chidi: She was 16 — a few days away from her 17th birthday, though I didn’t know that yet.
I see. So what happened next?
Chidi: She won the election. I wanted to help her get acquainted with the new role and offered to answer questions she might have, and she had many. We started talking more often; we’d always meet around the department, and she’d have a question or two for me.
Oma: I had challenges with the role, and whenever I had a problem, I’d call or text him for advice. I remember one morning when I called him about a tutorial issue. He gave directions, and we ended up laughing together on the phone. That was when I realised I was starting to like him.
The next time we spoke, he explained that during his first year, he had a senior colleague who helped him navigate those early days, and that’s what he was trying to do for me. After he said that, I reminded myself that he was only trying to be helpful, and I shouldn’t see his actions as anything more. From then on, we didn’t let our conversations get personal. It was strictly school-related. Even then, he started pulling away, and I noticed it. Although I didn’t do anything about it, it made me sad. I value my self-respect, and I was more than willing to return the energy if he wanted space.
Why did you take a step back, Chidi?
Chidi: I would say it was her age and personal boundaries. For one, I felt being a guardian would help her avoid mistakes I made during my early years.
At the same time, I wasn’t a fan of interacting too much with junior students because I didn’t want a “see finish” situation.
Still, with her, it was different. She had my mumu button. Anytime she called, I was eager to see how I could help. A part of me also wanted her in my circle just because she seemed really smart.
Did you notice when she started withdrawing from you?
Chidi: I didn’t. I just knew that we weren’t so close, and on my part, I knew I was deliberately keeping a distance. I wanted her to mix with other people in school and not be boxed around me since I was among the first connections she made.
Fair. So, how did the relationship evolve from mentor/mentee to something else?
Oma: It was gradual. We had lengthy phone calls once every three or four months because he’d graduated and wasn’t around the school premises often. At this point, we’d started broaching other topics that weren’t about school, even though we’d still not gotten to talking about our personal lives.
I’d see an interesting video or tweet and send it to him to get his thoughts. At this point, our dynamics had slowly shifted from mentor/mentee to friends. Also, we started talking more frequently. I was pretty happy about the change. He’s such a smart person, and I wanted to have him in my circle for support. I also didn’t want him as a “senior colleague”, I wanted him as a friend.
Chidi: Yes, we didn’t really talk when I was in my final year. Then I graduated, and we started talking a whole lot more. She would ask if she could call, and we would talk for hours, discussing everything from academics to her social activities in school and other pockets of gossip.
But I think the big change for me came in May 2024. I bumped into her during my clearance, and her excitement was so evident that my friend teased me, saying, “This babe likes you. See the way she was looking at you.”
That night, I called her, and we talked for hours. I was trying to figure out if she was still single—and she was.
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I’m curious. What was your relationship status at the time, Chidi?
Chidi: I’d been single most of my life, except for a six-month stint in secondary school. I had crushes here and there, but those never became anything more because I realised we wanted different things. I was wary of being with the wrong person.
So, what happened after you found out she was single?
Chidi: In May, I asked her if she liked me. She said she didn’t want to answer the question, and I felt she was offended. I also thought I had ruined our friendship.
Oma: I wasn’t sure if he liked me, so I didn’t answer the question. I’m not one to tell you I like you if I don’t know you feel the same way. Moreover, I wanted to be patient and let us continue as friends. I’d never been in a relationship before, but as a firm believer in best friends making the best partners, I wanted to focus on building a friendship with him.
I knew that if I told him I liked him, it would change the dynamics of our friendship, and I didn’t want that. I’ve always fantasised about being with someone who loves me as deeply as I love them. We hadn’t gotten to that point at that moment.
Oma: Anyway, we remained friends, asking questions to test our ideologies, and getting to know each other better. Then, in October, she tweeted that she was going to tell a guy that she liked him. My heart skipped because somehow, I knew it was me. After the tweet, I got a text from her saying, “Can we jump on a call tonight?”
How did the call go?
Oma: When I made that tweet, I was telling my friends how much I liked this guy and how it felt like I’d die from the crush. My friends encouraged me to “go for it!” I remember saying in my heart, “God, I like this person so much my chest is overflowing with it, and I cannot keep it anymore lest I run mad…so I must tell him. God, I must tell him.”
I called him that evening and tried to lighten the mood by asking him how he was. I was basically yapping. And then, out of the blue, I was like, “Fuck it. I like you. Do you like me too?”
He started telling me stories of how he had noticed me since the first day he saw me, and I was like, “Bruv! That’s not what I want to know. DO YOU LIKE ME TOO?”
I was eager to find out because my friends had told me that if he didn’t feel the same way, we could buy ice cream, eat and cry together, and I’d get over it. So, I wanted him to get to the point so I could know my fate. It was also my first time telling someone I liked them. Like actually going after someone I wanted…so I was scared.
Anyway, he finally got to the point and said he liked me since the first time he saw me. I was like, “Sharp!”
Chidi: She called and started talking about her friend. In my mind, I was like “Is this why we are here? Go straight to the point.”
After she told me she liked me, I told her I’d always liked her, but I was waiting for her to graduate before telling her.
Before then, we had a conversation about grooming, and that was when I learned not to think or assume for her.
Tell me more about this conversation
Chidi: I shared this Zikoko’s story to hear her thoughts on. I’d always assumed that the five-year age gap between us was a lot and could be perceived as a case of grooming.
However, Oma tells me, “It’s not actually five, but four years and three months.” She then explained the difference between age-gap relationships and grooming and shared more resources on what grooming is. During the conversation, I was in awe of her level of intellect and knew we would be together.
Oma: Most people feel that when there’s a certain age gap, the older partner has somehow manipulated the younger one into the relationship. I explained to Chidi that as long as both partners are adults with pure intentions toward each other and choose to be in a relationship, then it’s fine.
When it comes to grooming, there’s often malicious or manipulative intent from the older partner towards the other, but that’s not our reality. Regardless of the age gap, we have pure intentions toward each other. Nobody is manipulating the other. I know what I want, and I know what I’m doing. People can have age gaps and still respect and love themselves in their relationships. I believe that’s what we have.
How do you recognise these pure intentions, Oma?
Oma: I’m spiritually sensitive. I sense energy and often see people’s true intentions in my dreams. This has been happening since I was little—I dream about something, and it comes to pass. There were people I could have dated, but spiritually, I never saw them in a good light, so I didn’t pursue those relationships. I firmly believe the spiritual governs the physical.
With Chidi, before we even started dating, I remember writing in my diary, “I get the energy and feeling that he genuinely cares about me.”
My dreams about him were positive, and that’s how I know he has pure intentions toward me. As for myself, I know my intentions for him are equally genuine.
Beyond my dreams and intellect, I have older friends—women who are mothers and far more experienced. I talk to them often, and they’re honest with me, even when my feelings might cloud my judgment. They’ve helped me see things I might have overlooked. Between their guidance, my dreams, and the way I pay attention to even the smallest actions, I’m confident I’d know if this relationship wasn’t right or has an element of grooming.
Chidi, you mentioned pulling away earlier due to Oma’s age. Did you think approaching her was grooming then?
Chidi: I think older guys sometimes use their experience to lure and manipulate younger girls, and I hate it so much. The “catch them young” bullshit.
At the time, I felt a 21-year-old guy dating a 16-year-old girl was different from a 28-year-old guy dating a 23-year-old lady. So, for me, time was the most important factor. I wasn’t going to have anything with someone under 18, and I preferred to wait until we were ready, and I think I can say we are now.
Were you ever bothered by the age gap, Oma?
Oma: I wasn’t. I told a close friend of mine, and she said, “The age gap is okay.” But even if my friend hadn’t supported it, I wouldn’t have cared. I’ve always believed that one can have an age-gap relationship with love, respect, and peace of mind, while a relationship with someone your age could be full of chaos.
So, no, the age gap never really bothered me. What mattered most was that I felt heard, seen and cared for.
Right. Talk to me about when things became official
Chidi: I asked her out in October. It was surreal to be with someone who ticked all my boxes finally—she’s kind, career-oriented and really intelligent. And to think that we agree on almost everything, I’d say that I won for real.
Oma: I was excited and scared; I’d never dated anyone before. I’ve always been so focused on my life and goals, but I’m glad about how everything went.
So, what has the last month been like?
Oma: We’ve been taking things easy and slow. It’s important we stay patient with everything, including our relationship. We’ve been talking and laughing, and above all, we’ve been friends. The friendship makes our relationship easy and chill for me. I like it. Anytime I remind myself we’re friends, it calms my heart.
Chidi: I agree that things have been pretty chill. I’m learning how to communicate better and not assume for her. I love how patient and super supportive she is.
Patience is something you both hammer on. What’s that about?
Chidi: This is our first relationship as adults, and since we’re also invested in being friends, we don’t want to push things too fast and get overwhelmed. We don’t want a situation where we lose the relationship and friendship. So, we’ve decided to do everything at our own pace. The visits and “how far” we can go in the relationship whenever we meet. I think it has made us not lose ourselves now that we’re dating.
Oma: We stay in different states. So, rather than rushing to see each other, we’re focusing on our goals. I’m focusing on my studies and career as a creative. We’re not putting a timeline on anything. We don’t have to rush the back-to-back dates, physical hangouts and such. It’s also a long-distance relationship, and I’m happy with how it’s going so far.
Speaking of long distance. How do you both plan to make things work?
Chidi: For now, we text every day and call from time to time. Last week, we had our longest call ever—eight hours.
Oma: We’ll probably meet next year. But for now, as he mentioned, we communicate a lot via phone calls and texts. It has made the long distance easier for us.
What’s the best thing about being together, and what comes to mind when you think about the future of this relationship?
Oma: I love his laughter. For some reason, I could sit down and listen to him laugh. It’s crazy. But aside from that, my favourite thing about being with Chidi is how he makes me feel heard and seen.
Our future looks promising. There’s no need to worry; it’s in God’s hands.
Chidi: I love how we support each other’s goals. Oma has lofty goals—she’s a multi-disciplinary artist who writes, sings and films. She’s a published author at 18, and plans to get her masters and PhD in creative writing. I constantly remind her that I’m her number one fan, rooting for her to do all the amazing things she can think of.
With her, the future excites me a lot. In my head, we are married, living the power couple life and bringing out the best in each other.
Oma: I always think of things in the long term, and that’s why I haven’t dated anyone until now. I don’t have time to waste getting attached to someone I see no future with. I see things in the long term with him, and marriage would be chill.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?
Chidi: It’s a 10 because she ticks all my boxes. I love how she’s career-driven, her feminist views, and our similar views on almost every topic. I never wanted to end up with an opposition, and I’m glad she’s not one.
Oma: Even if we have opposing views, we’d respectfully share our views and respect each other’s thoughts.
I’ll give us a 9.5. The missing 0.5 is because this still feels like new territory for me. I sometimes feel nervous because I’ve never done anything like this before. But I also know it gets better, and we’ll be good.
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