If you’ve ever felt like a clown in the name of kindness, just know the circus is full. There’s a special kind of pain that hits you when you go out of your way to help someone and they act like you did nothing– or worse, like you’ve offended them. From borrowing money for them, to raising someone like your own child, these stories from seven Nigerians are here to remind you that sometimes, ingratitude can be its own heartbreak.
“He said my hands smell like onions” – *Kemi, 22
Some talking stages will show you pepper. For *Kemi, it was the kind that made her sweat over a pot of jollof rice at midnight.
“Back in university, I had this eternal talking stage. One night around 9 p.m., he said he was hungry. I jumped at the chance to see him and offered to cook. The power was out, I don’t even like cooking, but I still went to make jollof rice from scratch.
Because I didn’t want my roommates to mock me, I hid the food under the staircase like I was hiding contraband. By the time I took it to him, it was nearly midnight. He collected it, looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘Your hands smell of onions. Use salt to wash it off next time.’ No thank you. Nothing. He just walked away with the food.
Foolish me didn’t leave him immediately, but that was the moment I knew he wasn’t worth it. And yes, now I always wash my hands with salt after cutting onions because I never want to be insulted again.”
“She shouted at me in front of everyone” – *Mike, 23
“I had just resumed at a new job when the office cleaner started acting all friendly. One day, she asked me to buy her lunch. I went out of my way to order something really nice, even more expensive than what I’d normally buy for myself.
When I gave it to her, I got a dry ‘thank you’, different from the chummy behaviour I’d gotten used to. I expected her to be more appreciative, but I brushed it off.
Some days later, our team lead ordered pizza for everyone. We let her help with sharing, and she took an entire box for herself. Some of my team members hadn’t gotten any, so I calmly asked if she could share from the one she took. Before I could even finish my sentence, she started shouting, making a scene in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed and annoyed. That was the last time I tried to be nice to her at work.”
“She told me to go and collect my money back” – *Iyabo, 52
*Iyabo thought the biggest betrayal came from strangers. She didn’t expect it to come from someone she raised like her own.
“I took in a girl from the village and cared for her like she was mine for seven years. I trained her through school, taught her to speak English, and did everything from hiring tutors to following her for exams when she was trying to get into university.
She finally got admission into a prestigious university after many tries. I even pulled strings to make it happen.
Just before she resumed, I caught her having an explicit chat with a man she met on Facebook, which had been going on for a while. I took her phone and told her parents about it. They begged me not to send her away, and I didn’t. My only plan was to counsel her to do better.
Weeks later, she told me to find a way to collect the money I had already paid as fees because she was done staying with me. She packed up and left, just like that. As if the past seven years meant nothing. She never called since then.
“I borrowed money to buy her a wig. I got Five Alive.” – *Dominion, 24
Love is supposed to be give and take. *Dominion gave his all and got Five Alive.
“My ex came up with the idea that we should exchange Valentine’s gifts to make it special. I didn’t have much money at the time but knew she wanted this particular wig, so to meet up, I borrowed money to buy it for her.
When I gave it to her, she didn’t seem excited or moved. I didn’t even see any effort on her part, so I had to ask her what she got me. She said sex was her gift.
I was stunned. We argued, and at the end of the day, all I got for Valentine’s was a Five Alive juice box. That was my gift. I still laugh about it, but that day? I wanted to cry.”
“He ghosted me after I helped him get the same job.” – *Isaac, 26
You would think someone you helped would show up for you, but that isn’t always the case— just ask *Isaac.
“During my undergraduate internship at an advertising agency, I built a lot of good relationships. A friend begged me to help her cousin get an internship there. I did a lot of convincing and personally vouched for him. He got in.
A few years later, I was looking for a place to serve. I tried getting back into the same agency but HR kept stalling. I reached out to that same guy I helped, who had become a full time staff. I begged him to help talk to HR but he gave flimsy excuses and stopped responding after a while. He only responded to my messages after he had left the agency. I wasn’t even angry — just deeply disappointed.”
“All I got was a dry ‘thanks’” – *Hadiza, 23
You know when someone says “thank you” but it feels like they’re just ticking a box? Yeah, *Hadiza knows that feeling too well.
“My boyfriend travelled for a couple of months and had been through a rough time while he was away, so I planned something nice for him when he returned. I made his favourite food, ordered cake, got gifts, and did everything.
When he got it, he gave a passive ‘Thanks’ and that was it. I had put so much thought and energy into making him feel special, and he responded like I just handed him a piece of biscuit. It hurt more than I expected.”
“He said my ₦100 was too small” – Ahmad, *25
They say beggars don’t have a choice. Well, not this one that *Ahmad encountered.
“I used to hear that some beggars have pride, but I didn’t believe it until it happened to me.
I gave a beggar ₦100 and he looked at it like I gave him tissue paper. But that wasn’t the worst of it, he told me it was too small. I didn’t even argue, I just walked away
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