We’ve heard stories of married people flirting and cheating on their spouses. But what about stories from the “cheatees”?
We spoke to six Nigerians who confessed to crushing on married people, and the responses got more than a little interesting.
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Favour, 22
A doctor lived in the same compound as I did in 2022. We just used to greet each other until we got talking — and lowkey, flirting — when I went to charge my devices in his flat one day. Two weeks later, he told me he was travelling for his wedding. I was confused — Did I imagine the flirting?
He came about a week after with his new wife, and I stopped going to his flat, but we still chatted on WhatsApp. We mostly talked about each other’s day, movies and football. I knew I’d caught feelings when I started looking forward to his messages daily. I’m not sure his wife knew about it because, sometimes, we’d chat till midnight. We even sexted one cold night but never referred to it again.
One day in December, I had a health scare, so I went to his flat to seek medical advice. His wife wasn’t home. One thing led to another, and we kissed. He apologised and avoided me after. He even stopped responding to my messages for a while, but I know he 100% wanted me too. He probably just felt guilty, so I gave him space. I moved out in January 2023 because of school, and by February, he was back in my DMs.
Deola*, 27
In 2020, this guy joined the company I used to work at. Let’s call him Dolapo. Dolapo was pretty popular in our industry as this talented creative who’d worked with some well-known people and companies in our industry, and we were all pretty excited to have him come work with us.
Then, he came and ended up being one of those diva creatives with an “artistic temperament” that’s really just laziness if you deep it. Anyway, he was fine (really tall and really dark), and I immediately started crushing on him, but we ended up clashing over work because he absolutely couldn’t meet deadlines.
At some point, I found out from his friend (a fellow co-worker) that he had commitment issues and had sworn never to get married. At first, I wondered why this guy told me this, but much later on, I found out that Dolapo liked me. Some weeks after, our company was organising an annual festival, so we had to lodge in a hotel for some days.
In the office on the day of the first night we would spend in the hotel, another co-worker basically implied (rather explicitly) that we can finally do the “deed” since we’d be spending nights in the same building. She immediately apologised, saying it just fell out of her mouth.
We did nothing during our stay, but then, he started sending me really sweet “talking stage” texts and an office fling started after the festival. Then I found out he had a girl’s photo as his Twitter profile image. It turned out he’d done his court wedding with this girl before he even joined the company, and their wedding pictures were all over the app.
Finding out he was married didn’t stop the fling. We continued making out in the office until he left the company and I left a couple months after. I knew it wouldn’t progress to anything. I wouldn’t have even wanted it to if he was unattached. I just liked how good he was at the performative romance and sex.
Now, he just writes me poems and love letters. He’s since relocated to the US, but his wife was denied visa, so she’s still in Lagos.
Deji*, 32
I work long hours in healthcare, so I’m no stranger to workplace crushes. But there’s only ever been one with a married woman — she’s even my current crush.
I was posted to my current workplace a couple of months ago, and I started working closely with this woman. We became fast friends because we have similar tastes in music and joked about the same things. She’s also really beautiful, and I soon started to fall for her.
I know she’s married, but I think she likes me too. She confides in me and hardly talks about her husband. We greet each other with hugs, and colleagues even jokingly call us “husband and wife”. She also brings me home-cooked meals regularly. I want to make a move, but I’m concerned I might just be reading too much into it, and she’d get offended. But then, what if she’s waiting for me to make a move and is disappointed I haven’t shown interest yet?
Esther*, 24
I’ve always been attracted to married men. I think it’s mostly because I’m not interested in commitment myself, so dating married men is safer. At least, you both know marriage isn’t in the works, so no one is breaking anyone’s heart.
I’ve dated two married men in my life, and I’m currently crushing on one. I know I can’t do more than crush because the person in question is my supervisor. He’s very handsome and kind, but he doesn’t seem like the type to have affairs, so my crush will most likely only ever be a crush.
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Jojo*, 26
My pastor is married, but I’ve had a crush on him since I joined the church two years ago. He has this powerful aura about him that’s just difficult to resist. I’m too sure I’m not the only one crushing on him in the church.
It’s a harmless crush because, of course, I’ll never do anything about it. But I’ll confess I’ve fantasised about being with him more than once. If he was the kind of pastor who dates the ladies in church, I’d have fallen since.
Manuel, 28
I had this huge crush on a fellow corps member in 2021. She was married, but I still find that surprising. Maybe there’s a way I expect married people to act, but she was loud and really free with everyone in camp, especially guys.
We were in the same platoon, and we both volunteered in the kitchen, so we spent time together regularly. She knew I liked her — I didn’t hide it — and she’d jokingly say stuff like, “My husband can fight o. Can you?”
She was so free that till now, I can’t tell if she was flirting with me or just being her free self. Nothing happened between us, and we lost touch after camp, but I still randomly remember her.
*Some names have been changed for anonymity.
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