Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 29-year-old man who’s spent most of his sexual life making up for not knowing women could have orgasms. He talks to us about researching how to be a better partner and how he thinks he’s all sexed out.
Tell me about your first sexual experience
I was kind of a church boy, so I never did anything more than kiss here and there, but that changed one day.
When I was 17 years old and in 100 level, I had a girlfriend. One night, she came to my room and we started kissing; she wanted to have sex. I tried to play it cool, but since I thought girls had their sexual organs in the same place as guys, I was humping the vulva excitedly. When she guided my penis into her vagina, I lost it. I didn’t last for up to a minute and came shaking all the way.
I had mixed feelings because I felt I didn’t do too well but was also happy I‘d just bust my first nut. I realised I had to step up my sex game either way.
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LMAO. How did you plan on doing that?
Well, I did a little research. I read a book that taught me how to pleasure a woman’s body. I also watched a lot of porn to know how to have oral sex, what sexual positions to try and to help me masturbate so I could control my body more.
The first time I tried to masturbate, I was watching porn. While they were getting at it, my dick was hard and I started stroking it. It was a bit painful, so I went to get soap on my hands and it felt really good.
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And sex?
I went abstinent for a year till I’d figured it out, and it helped that my girlfriend and I had broken up during this period. I was able to fully stay away from sex.
A few months after I’d clocked 18, I had another girlfriend. This time, I was ready to put into practice all I’d learnt. Before our first time together, I’d masturbated to remove the anxiety so I won’t cum too quickly.
When she came over, I made sure there was a lot of foreplay. I kissed and touched her in all her erogenous zones and gave her head. She was ecstatic, and I was feeling like a man. I could see a bit of satisfaction in her eyes. I also lasted longer than the last time, but I still felt I hadn’t done enough.
Ah. Why?
Because at that time, I didn’t know women could have orgasms. All the research I did about having better sex was just so I could last longer and feel better about myself. It was very selfish. I thought after I came, the party was over. It wasn’t until I met another woman during my service year that my perspective changed.
How?
We met at my PPA and went to a party together. She moved to me and we went back to my place. She was very communicative about what she wanted and how she wanted it. That’s when I realised it was something I’d lacked in my previous sexual encounters. I didn’t ask questions, and they didn’t talk to me.
Having sex with her that day, at the ripe old age of 22, was when I made a woman orgasm for the first time, and something shifted in me. I realised you have to make your woman feel good because when it comes to sex, she’s the priority. And communication is very important.
How did you know she actually had an orgasm?
She was clawing at my back and shouting “I’m cumming, babe”. I think that covers it.
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Fairs. How was sex like after this discovery?
We had sex every day.
Were you not tired? Hungry? Employed?
LMAO. I was, but we kept trying out so many new things. We’d role play, try new positions and just find new ways to have sex. It was wild and fun. She even tried to peg me, but it hurt and we didn’t try it again.
I wanted to marry her, so we had to get genotype testing. Unfortunately, that’s when we both discovered we were AS, and we had to end the beautiful relationship.
I’m so sorry
Thank you. I mean, we cut our losses and moved on.
I was ready to put all the new information I’d gathered to use. And getting women wasn’t difficult for me because I knew how to talk to them, but I couldn’t have sex with women I wasn’t emotionally invested in. It means we’d both have to feel comfortable enough to talk about the things we’d like to do.
It was fun and interesting for a while, but I think I’ve gotten to the point where my sex life has dwindled. At this point, there are only three things I haven’t done. An orgy, a threesome and sex with a foreigner. So, there’s nothing about sex I find exciting anymore.
I’m just trying to find someone I like very much so I can settle down. My goal was to make up for all the women I had sex with and didn’t give orgasms, and I’ve done that.
Rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10
7. I’ve had great sex up until this moment, and I want to just lock down my person.
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