Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old heterosexual woman whose encounter with a freaky partner helped her enjoy sex. She talks about entering a hoe stage after a failed relationship and how losing weight helped her love sex.
What was your first sexual experience?
I was 20 years old, and it was with my boyfriend at the time. I had been telling my boyfriend I wanted to have sex, but finding the place and time to do it was quite difficult. Honestly, I just wanted to get this sex thing over and done with and stop being a virgin. One day, we booked a hotel in Ibadan, got passes to leave school and then went with his friend and his friend’s babe. I had sex that night.
I stayed sober because I wanted to remember everything about it.
Why did you want to have sex so bad?
Maybe you can say it’s peer pressure, but I was twenty and everyone around me was having sex. I wanted to see what everyone was so hyped up about. I was very disappointed because the sex was very mid. Nothing too exciting, just there.
After all the hype?
Sis! I mean I had very high expectations because of how everyone talked about it, but the math wasn’t mathing. I thought my mind would be blown, and I’d feel like I was missing out on something, but none of that.
The second day was a bit better because there was no pain, but it was still mid.
The only difference about my approach to sex was that after the first time, I wanted to do it some more. I wanted lots of it.
Unfortunately, all the sex I was having with my then-boyfriend was just mid. Unfantabulous sex for about a year. Then we broke up and I realised that sex wasn’t overhyped, my partner wasn’t just great.
I sense a revelation coming.
LMAO. When this man and I broke up, I got into another relationship. I was 21 years old when I realised that I truly did like receiving oral sex. All my talk about sex being overrated vanished from my mouth because sex is very much all that it’s cracked up to be.
He was much better at sex than my ex. He knew what to do with my body and how to do it. Unlike my ex, he also had more experience, so I think that helped.
However, this was still my second ever sexual partner, and I felt I had more exploring to do. I didn’t know much about it, and I felt there could be more.
So what did you do?
When my second boyfriend and I broke up, I sprinted to the streets. My time on the streets lasted for about three years, but it was interesting.
She’s a runner, she’s a track star.
One thing about not having a permanent partner is that it opens you up to a lot of things. There’s the bad sex, and when it’s bad, it’s really bad. Also, when you add the fact that I was struggling with a lot of body image issues, it didn’t particularly make the sex enjoyable.
Tell me about these body image issues.
I was fat. There are so many beautiful plus-size women out there who carry themselves properly and look stunning, but I wasn’t one of them. I felt very unfit, and hated how I looked.
It was so bad that I always had sex with the light off and never walked around naked after sex. Once we were done, I’d put my clothes back on. I didn’t want the people I was having sex with to see me.
This made no sense because obviously they were attracted to what they saw, but I kept trying to hide myself. Whenever people indicated an interest in me enough to want to sleep with me, I was always so confused. How could they want me?. How did they enjoy it?
Damn, that sucks.
You don’t even know half of it. During my hoe phase, I met a man, and we had arranged to meet to have sex.
On the day of the meeting, I was very nervous. I scrubbed my body clean, shaved everywhere, used a lot of perfume, and even wore makeup. I don’t wear makeup. He was just so attractive and I felt like I had to overcompensate for how I looked.
I got very drunk to ease my nerves, and this led to the worst sex ever.
To compensate, I gave him good head. I always give great head — was my way of trying to make up for not looking great and for the fact that I never did anything.
What do you mean by “you never did anything”?
Well, remember how I said I was very unfit? It meant I was very inactive during sex. If I so much as attempted to ride dick, I could do thirty seconds max. Anything else meant you wanted me to die.
I think being unfit added to how trash sex was for me. Some women bigger than me do stunts during sex, but I was just unable to. I wasn’t participating, I wasn’t able to bend into a lot of positions or put in extra effort. It was ridiculous. Men would ask me to sit on their faces, and I would be confused. Do they have a death wish?
So it was just mid sex and vibes for you?
For the bulk of it, it was.
Then when I was 24, I stumbled into a FWB, and he was everything. Sex with him was truly amazing.
First thing first, my man was a FREAK. He was sucking my toes, sticking fingers up my ass, fucking me in public, etc. As someone who had had only two boyfriends and not a lot of sexual partners, that was a lot. He had been in the sex game for a long time and knew just exactly what he liked. He asked questions and created a space where I was comfortable enough to try new things and just enjoy sex. When it came down to it, he was down for anything, and for me, that was wild.
Another thing that made the sex with him so delicious was the fact that I started losing weight.
I’m taking notes. Go on.
I was deeply unhappy with how I looked, and I knew that until I did something about it, I wouldn’t particularly love my body. That’s why I went to the gym. I was invested in losing enough weight that’ll help me love my body.
Oh I thought it was se—
It’s a continuous journey, but I find sex much more enjoyable now. I no longer sit still; I put in the work.
A working-class queen. Tell us about some of your tricks.
Before, when men asked to carry me, I’d refuse vehemently. Now? I like to be flung like a toy.
I do a lot more than I used to, and I even ride dick now. Trying various riding styles because I too want to make it pleasurable for the person I’m having sex with.
And they say Nigerian women don’t ride dick. Smh.
Lmao, riding dick is stressful please, but yeah, I do it now. I do a thousand squats one day a week, so riding dick is much easier than it was when I felt unfit.
I also am more flexible and find it easier to try out all the positions I know. I’m currently doing split training, and very soon, I’d be splitting on dicks.
The most important thing for me with this weight gain is finally loving my body. I walk around naked and don’t mind my partners staring at me after sex. I’m more confident in myself.
How then would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10?
I think I’d give it an 8. I’m glad I got to explore myself sexually to an extent, but I think there are more things I’d like to do. I’m just not sure what those things are yet.
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